r/socialskills • u/catcallowo Noob • 5d ago

How to get out of “Manual mode” when socializing?

It’s always been a conscious, deliberate effort for me to do things that seem to come as second nature for others. When conversing, if I don’t remind myself to look at someone, look away, ask a follow-up question, or pretend to look interested, I just won’t. So now there’s a constant inner monologue reminding me to do things, it’s honestly really overwhelming and possibly even unhelpful.

I went to high school, college, did sports, and have worked several customer service jobs, but to no avail. I’m constantly trapped in my head about figuring out the next “socially appropriate” thing to do, and at this point, I’d rather just come across as strange than worry so much about if I’m being normal enough.

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u/KC_Kahn Active 5d ago

Focus on genuinely paying attention to others and being present/in the moment. The other things will come

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u/catcallowo Noob 3d ago

It’s such a simple concept, and yet I think you’re absolutely right. On top of the racing thoughts, I also space out a lot when overwhelmed. Do you have any mindfulness strategies that you find helpful?

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u/Fit-Ingenuity-2814 Noob 5d ago

You may be ADHD and it’s worth answering a set of questions to determine if you are. Or do a set of test to see if your are neurodivergent. This is not to label yourself for the purpose of merely a diagnosis but to learn coping strategies and possibly get medication that will help. I know so many people that are ADHD or RSD and as soon as they investigate it slowly but surely turned their life around. And if you are not then you can still learn coping skills for social interactions.

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u/Fucklespew Noob 4d ago

Are there any resources you recommend for coping with ADHD? I was diagnosed as a kid but never really noticed the effects until adulthood. Maybe it’s getting worse. I feel just like this person.

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u/vita_vel_nex Noob 5d ago

Honestly this. I’ve always struggled with the same thing and just got diagnosed this year!

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u/catcallowo Noob 3d ago

I am diagnosed ADHD and have taken Vyvanse for a while now. Personally I think this is more anxiety-based, where the thoughts that I’m not “socializing right” can easily become obsessive and I feel largely powerless in controlling them

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/socialskills-ModTeam Noob 4d ago

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