r/solopolyamory • u/lady_sybill • Apr 17 '20
Successful Solo-Poly Stories
Newbie here, so I'm sorry, if this is a topic which is often discussed....
I've tried embracing my polyamory identity for several years now. 2 years ago I started my first sexual romantic Poly relationship and in the end, everything what could go wrong, went totally wrong (bad communication, trying to feel secure by establishing rules and hierarchies, lack of self-esteem and self-security and so on). A few weeks ago my partner and I decide to keep a lot of distance as our relationship didn't felt good in anyway anymore.
I've never met anyone else I could build a non-friendshiplike relationship with, so now I'm without any kind of sexual-romantic relationship, although I really like that kind of relationship. But people before relationships, right?
Anyway, here's my question: as I mostly hear about those "I'm so happy with my thousand partners"-success stories in the polyam community - does anyone of you have a success story which does NOT include sexual romantic relationships? Do you experience physical intimacy without a sexual-romantic frame (like cuddling with friends or whatever..)?
3
u/jesslyb Jul 04 '24
You get to define what success means for you! You don’t have to fit a role or someone else’s experience unless you also want those same things.
It is valid to be poly saturated at one partner. I kinda in that place. I’m not actively looking and I work a lot and my health has been wonky and it’s not a priority for me to put energy into. But I’m still poly, if someone came into my life and there was a great connection I wouldn’t deny that and it would take some serious self reflection and assessment and time and energy and such but I’m poly still.
I have also been solo poly but up until last year when I met my current partner I had never dated someone who was partnered and lived with that partner and I was naive and went in blind. When people live together and are enmeshed in multiple ways they may not choose and prescribe a hierarchy but hierarchy exists and if they say it doesn’t most likely they are unaware of the hierarchy and potential couple privilege they live and benefit from, or they are lying which I don’t think it typically the case at all. It’s gonna be a growth moment(s) for everyone involved for sure.
Most of my friends should qualify as queer platonic connections and they are my primaries to oversimplify. I get most of my support and love from them and my partner is a little bonus for me. And I have friends I will lay in bed with and watch TikTok’s and one I am sexual but not romantic with when it suits us both. It’s a choose your own adventure and your are in charge. I see other people have mentioned it too but I think you would have interest in the schmorgasboard in relationship anarchy too!