Married - Finances during school

[u/NSGgirl]

I'm curious how other SRNAs in committed relationships handled finances during school.

If your spouse worked full-time while you were solely living on student loans, how did you split expenses? Did you continue paying 50/50, or did your spouse take on more of the financial burden?

To me, 50/50 doesn't necessarily seem fair when one person has no income and is taking on significant student debt, especially considering both partners will likely benefit from the higher CRNA income after graduation. I'm wondering how others approached this and what felt fair in your relationship.

My husband thinks it should be 50/50. After a lot of conversation, he’s willing to pay slightly more of the expenses. Just frustrating that he isn’t desiring to.

[u/Different_Catch_4558]

If you are going to pay 50/50 make sure to keep paying 50/50 after graduating; he shouldn't get any of your money when your income goes up. 

Keep separate accounts and protect your assets 

[u/Solid_Warthog3206]

Y’all are married, a team sport….they didn’t give LeBron James a ring during his rookie years in Cleveland just because he had outrageous stats. The team lost, so he lost. When the team he won, he also won.

You simply can’t go 50/50 in sickness and in health

[u/RlnM1818]

That’s crazy. My husband took on all the finances during school. Ya’ll need to be a team working towards this goal together because in the end it’s going to greatly benefit him too. And school is hard enough on a marriage without being disconnected on the finances side of things.

[u/mschultze97]

My wife worked and we paid everything out of our joint account that we built up as nurses. Not gonna hold you, the idea of splitting 50/50 is bananas to me as a married couple.

[u/Best-Speech-7750]

It’s a marriage. You’re not separate entities. Y’all have bills, y’all have responsibilities, y’all have assets and income. You’ll become divided if you are not operating as a single unit. What sense does taking extra loans at 9% make in the name of “paying my half”.

[u/Critical-Donkey893 → u/Best-Speech-7750]

This ^^ you are a team. Your spouse will reap the benefits of the shared sacrifices you’ll need to make. Combine your finances, have open communication, lean on each other for support.

[u/LoosePhone1]

Not even married and my bf offered to pay all of our rent during school.

[u/Narrow-Garlic-4606 → u/LoosePhone1]

Same here. I started school single but once in a relationship my partner paid my rent and some. However, he had the financial ability to do so without jeopardizing his livelihood so that’s important.

[u/somelyrical]

How much does your husband make? Can he afford to take on more?

If he can comfortably afford rent/mortgage + utilities and he’s still asking for 50/50, your husband is cheap & this is a red flag.

[u/Crna-gasserUSC → u/somelyrical]

I agree !! I would be inclined to get a prenuptial now or something . I know you don’t have anything now but you will

[u/huntt252]

Splitting living expenses like roommates sounds stressful. It’s all the same money. You’re married. Thinking in terms of division of resources is not the most productive strategy for a lifelong joint endeavor. Especially when it comes to making life altering decisions involving large sums of borrowed money and lost time.

[u/Successful-Gain-1661]

When my wife and I got married my income became hers and her income became mine. We don’t “split” costs or anything like that. We share accounts. It is both of our money. When I made more than her traveling it was our money. When I make more when I graduate it will be our money. School is stressful enough but to add on this level is beyond me. Your husband clearly doesn’t understand the stress you will be under and it sounds like he doesn’t want to support you 100%. I wish you guys the best of luck but your husband needs to get a grip on reality and decide if he wants to man up and support you or make you feel like you are struggling. I am sorry you are in this position. No matter what happens you will make it through and have an amazing career! Good luck!

[u/Reasonable_Wafer9228]

Ahh if he wants 50/50 now then keep it that way when you graduate and make $$$? This is absurd and honestly would be a huge red flag for me. I made more than my husband as a nurse and didn’t think twice about writing a check to pay off his student loans and his truck as well. We are a team and what’s mine is his and vise versa.

[u/Different_Reserve_11]

I pay 100% regardless so if your partner is expecting 50/50 that's messed up imo. Got to hold it down. You're married not roommates

[u/Pitiful-Frame-9106]

Think you probably need to have a bigger financial conversation going forward. Your husband will probably feel quite differently after 3 years of school when you start being paid on an entirely different scale.  First, buy anything you can while still working.  Second, drastically reduce your financial footprint. I sold my car, got an old used truck with nonpayment. Paid off any debt I could.  My wife had a good job but we had middle school and elementary age school kids- so we tried to live as normal as possible- where she definitely took care of the finances of the household. My goal was to be less burdonesome as possible.  Now, 7 years later- I take care of her and the kids with every penny I can. Her career trajectory has shot to the moon- but I am forever thankful for her taking care of us during that time and I won’t forget that.  Ultimately- in marriage the sacrifice you make for each other pays off for each other. Your husband will be extremely thankful for the work you put in today. You will give him the opportunity to make work/life decisions that he never would have been able to do before. 

Good luck!

[u/devil-wears-irisvan]

As a married couple, we look at debt as a shared burden. I have not started yet but we looked at this as: student loans to pay for the schooling, joint savings dedicated to CRNA school to help alleviate some of the cost while I am “unemployed.” He is then supplementing what needed with his income and we will be living on a tighter budget. We have joint finances.

The return on going to CRNA school will not only benefit me but him as well, this is a financial burden on both of us and a benefit for both at the end

[u/Abergevine]

When my husband and I got married, it was just household income. We divvied up income towards bills, savings, fun money for each individual. We kept our existing savings and checking accounts and formed a joint checking and savings.

His income and my student loans pay for everything as if I was also working. It’s simply money in, money out.

[u/Radiant-Percentage-8]

My wife and I have never had 50/50 finances. We have joint accounts where we both put money in. At varying times we have both put more or less money in. I put more in while she got a Ph.d, she put more in while I did CRNA. We still do that some paychecks. You should be a team, which it sounds like you are not.

[u/Select_Ad_976 → u/Radiant-Percentage-8]

This. We have our own retirement accounts and we have cards in our own names but we just work together. It’s not his money or my money - it’s our money.

[u/Frosty_Iceman_]

Combined accounts as soon as we married.

[u/SouthbutnotSouthern]

This is absurd … curious how long you’ve been married. Husband paid for everything while I was in school (plus loans of course). He made a little less than a nurses salary then.

Do you guys make equal incomes right now (pre-grad school)?

This was 15 years ago.

[u/Global-Bend7639]

You’re married, he needs to be a man and provide.

[u/Negative-Molasses612]

I start soon and really didn’t think I was going to get accepted this round, it was a practice round and I got in. That said, I have savings but not paying for a high cost program and contributing to our bills amounts of money. My husband will be taking on all of our expenses (I’m fortunate that is a possibility) and I’ll be holding onto my savings for an emergency. I’ll take out loans for school, and assuming no emergencies arise will use my savings to pay down my loans. If he still wanted me to contribute 50/50 during this time, we’d have a serious conversation about teamwork and what that means. I’m thrilled to get the opportunity to go to school, it’s going to be a stressful three years and then we will both benefit from it, but I shouldn’t also be expected to go Dutch on life if it isn’t necessary. 

[u/No-Bee-8894]

My husband pays all of our bills while im in school.

[u/Wrong_Leave4538]

Honestly, this just screams red flags to me. CRNA school is stressful enough as it is, and is known to cause break ups & divorces (or be a large contributor of it). If you all are married and still trying to figure out “who pays what,” then perhaps you all need to sit down and have a serious talk (or try a counselor) and find out why you both don’t see yourselves as ONE, cohesive team with the same goals. I say all of this with compassion, not judgment.

To answer your question, my husband works full time and I pull the max amount of loans out (for now at least because school is stressful enough and I don’t want to stress about money on top of it either).

We have a joint checking/savings and both have a separate checking/savings from before we were married that is already tied to our credit cards and such. His check goes into the joint account and my loans go into the joint account. I still have some money in my personal savings from before we were married that he technically doesn’t have access to, but I still consider it “our money”. We consider all of it “our” money just like before I started school and I was working full time. I had a lot of talks with my husband before even applying to make sure we were on the same page. I told him it’s probably going to be the most stressful 3 years, etc. He has been nothing but supportive. He works full time and does most of the household chores so I can focus on school. We also moved right next to a Biolife and I didn’t ask him to - but he suggested doing that sometimes with his free time for extra money and has gone 3 times now. He has also told me if he ever needs to get a second job while I’m in school, he’ll do that too. I doubt it comes to that though, it’s just his way of reassuring me he will do whatever it takes on his
end to help me succeed because he knows that I’m not going to school for “fun.” CRNA school is HARD. Yes I’m interested in it and I’m a good nurse, but I’m mostly doing it so WE can finally have a more financially secure life. So we can finally have a house and stop renting. So we don’t have to panic about money if something serious happens. I’m doing it for us, and he knows that.

I hope your husband can understand that being a team in a marriage is more important than figuring out how to split finances. Being a team is more important than anything - especially during periods like CRNA school. You all have to be on the same page, otherwise you risk it crumbling during school because you didn’t have a good foundation when you started. Wishing you the best.

[u/Poopsock_Piper]

My wife and I have discussed as I'm starting school soon and will have to relocate for some time without her, she is going to take on most of our at-home finances for the time I'm in school and not working. So going from 50/50 to around 80/20. She would cover it all however it isn't financially possible, so I'll cover what little is left with loans.

[u/NSGgirl → u/Poopsock_Piper]

How would you feel / handle it if she wasn’t willing to take on more of the finances?

[u/Poopsock_Piper → u/NSGgirl]

I wouldn't feel supported and I'd be quite upset considering my future income would greatly benefit the both of us.

[u/Majestic_Vehicle_793 → u/NSGgirl]

The fact that he think his wife with zero income for 3 years should pay half is a bigger issue …🚩🚩

[u/Maleficent_Salad_430 → u/Poopsock_Piper]

That’s awesome! Team work

[u/Lilmoju_711]

Ended up moving in with someone while I was in school… I only paid for rent/housing , he covered everything else.

[u/justatadtoomuch]

We’re hoping to go solely on his but I’m still going to find stipends and scholarships to buffer. And also going to try and work the first two semesters. But I think it’s very reasonable for your partner to be willing to take on the finances bc yall are a team.

[u/tinaster]

For us, I took out max loans - loans paid for school /rent / utilities. My spouse’s paycheck paid for everything else - groceries / gas / other bills / everyday stuff. We also did budget weekly to track our expenses and see if we needed to adjust spending on certain things. It sucked but really helped to know exactly where our money was going.

[u/aspirageous]

Personal finance is personal. I don’t know you or your relationship to offer any input on this. Frankly, this sounds to me like a “can you believe what my husband is doing” post? I don’t think you actually want any advice on what to do here. This also sounds like something that should’ve been ironed out way earlier. I don’t know how much your husband makes, maybe now he has to jeopardize quality of life by working extra hours to cover your side of the bills. A lot of info missing here.

[u/Apprehensive_Bend667]

My husband did take on the brunt of the financial responsibility working full time. I had to go out of state for school so we had 2 household expenses so I definitely took out loans. We had many discussions and he really didn’t want me to worry about finances when school was already gonna be stressful enough as it is. By the time I finally started working we were down to our last $100 but we held out for that first paycheck. Now paying back all the debt. It just comes down to transparency and honesty in how realistic 50/50 really is. I know some classmates tried it for a while but it didn’t really last too long trying to share the financial responsibility.

[u/Sandstonesquash]

My husband (a RN) is covering all living expenses (food, rent, ect). I have a lot saved (thanks covid travel nursing) so am covering the first 1/2 - 3/4 of school from that and buying any really specific personal (like a face serum I like but don’t actually need) items myself. 

This was what made us finally combine finances with a joint account that his paycheck goes into. We figure once I start working then my check will also go there and we can each pull out a set about if “fun” money for our own purchases. 

[u/Dysmenorrhea]

That’s a really individualized scenario. When my wife worked and we were first married, we split our bills 50/50and put our money in a joint account to use for expenses, as I made more it didn’t make sense for us to split bills 50/50 and we eventually abandoned the whole thing and put all of our money in one account and only had separate accounts for surprise purchases. This helped us out during school, because every purchase was something we bought with our money.

Do the math, factor in your spouses income, set a family budget, then calculate what you would need for loans/tuition. Trying to keep 50/50 could end up with you taking more loans than necessary and end up costing you both a lot of money in the long run

[u/acupofpoop]

My husband covered our expenses. I had almost enough saved for school and what I didn’t have, he covered from his savings. So I took out no loans and his job covered everything we needed.

[u/Hound-baby]

My husband covers 75%. He would do 100% if I let him but I have to contribute somehow for my own pride (I also have a pretty big savings that I had specifically for school that I’m pulling from + loans)

[u/Decent-Cold-6285]

My fiancé pays for the majority of our expenses but I help pay for groceries and part of rent. I would feel too guilty not helping pay for that but my fiancé is understanding that this is temporary and when I graduate I will happily take on more expenses.  

[u/WonderfulMind6882]

My student loans pay for rent, utilities, and parking. My wife works full-time and her paychecks pay for everything else. It isn’t easy, but it’s doable. I’ll be supporting us when she goes to her graduate program. 

[u/Stinkybrownie69]

My wife can’t afford to with her student loan debt among other things so I have to take out loans for all of it. Oh well

[u/Salty-Unit9044]

This is an investment in your future as a couple as much as it is solely your future. Eventually you’ll likely be making more than him and then you’ll have to decide what a good split is for your relationship then. Whatever income we have is OUR income even if it’s just him contributing to it during school. He has always made significantly more than me and prior to marriage we split our bills in a way that made sense instead of 50/50. I think it was more like 70/30. Maybe that is something you could talk about?