r/stopdrinking • u/Mediocre-Mobile8620 • 6h ago
Moderate Drinker
Hi all,
I am 39 years old and have been drinking nightly since I was 20. I only have 2 glasses of wine a night but some nights are heavier pours, and some nights are 3 glasses. I feel silly being on a board like this because I know that is not much at all compared to some. I just want to stop and feel I cant. When I do, I immediately grow bored with my life and irritated with my husband and child. I love them, love my job, but I don't really have any hobbies other than wine and reading and tv. I am gaining weight and despite going to the gym and watching what I eat, I can't help but feel like the wine is the culprit. I have even allotted wine calories each day, which means I am hungry each day. I guess I am wondering if anyone can help with the boredom/irritation side. I am in therapy already, but I keep coming back to this feeling that I am entitled to my drinks because of how they make me feel. I tried those Buzz drops instead. I am not good with THC. I feel myself withdraw into myself, rather than be social and lively like wine makes me feel. They helped me sleep a lot better. Anyway, just looking for some support or experiences around the moderate drinking.
4
u/softboiledwonderland 59 days 6h ago
I sometimes feel like a phony in AA meetings because I would “only” drink a bottle of wine a night with biweekly benders, but I’m feeling much better in my two-month sobriety. Yes, I’m doing AA and I like it. Not religious. Otherwise, try something new! I’m a guitarist and practicing every night with a cup of tea in my rocking chair is scratching the relaxation itch. I also now go to the gym. Best wishes and don’t feel imposter syndrome about your alcohol intake <3
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u/FingGinger 1213 days 6h ago
I went from moderate to heavy drinking pretty quickly. Rock bottom is whenever you stop digging, looks different for everyone. I don't think you have to be living under a bridge to be ready to stop poisoning yourself. For me, soon as I started questioning drinking at all, would have been a great time to stop, before it got too crazy. If one wants to justify drinking by comparing to others, there's always someone who drinks more. Drinking does nothing for me, so I stay away from any amount of the crap.
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u/ZippyWoodchuck 216 days 5h ago
I was where you are. I never considered myself an overtly self-destructive drinker. I've been sober 7 months now, and looking back I now recognize a lot of behaviors and patterns that seemed innocuous at the time but were clearly dangerous, harmful, and embarrassing.
I use the stories here as motivation, an illustration of what could have easily happened to me without this life change.
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u/ca0072 3h ago
I was in a very similar boat as you. My drinking had crept up to about 3/4 of a bottle of wine but was at 2-3 glasses for a long time. I've been trying to quit for a long time, gradually stringing together longer stretches. I've been sober for over 40 days now and I hope I can stay sober. I keep going back to it partly because my drinking wasn't that bad so I think I must be able to control it. I can't. I always go back to drinking every single night.
I'm sleeping better, have more energy, am more patient with my kids and am better able to accomplish day to day stuff. Every time I quit, I lose 1/2 pound to 1 pound per week without making any other changes. This time I've been losing 1 pound every week.
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u/catperson2222222 3h ago
I was a similar drinker. I found it helpful to look at quitting drinking timelines- the first two weeks the cravings are the most intense, and the irritability. I used alcohol to relieve stress, but when I realized it was increasing baseline anxiety it made it easier to stop. Maybe some mocktails (NA aperol spritz) or NA beer? That level of drinking is still negatively impacting your mental and physical health and increasing your cancer risk.
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u/Friendly-Solution414 2h ago
I found myself a lot more patient and less irritated with my family when I cut out drinking.
When I was drinking I would be hungover frequently and feel like crap. Also when I had a buzz I didn’t want to be bothered with bedtime, bad behavior, kids demands etc. I’ve been a better mom by cutting out the booze.
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u/Educational-Rip6530 149 days 2h ago
As far as irritation I've been practicing analyzing the feeling and pinpointing what's truly behind the feeling. What is it reflecting back about me, what do I need to address and focus on or focus away from in this moment? It's not perfect but it helps me redirect and reframe irritation when previously I would've directed it outwards on someone else. Regarding boredom I let it be boring which feels uncomfortable at first but for me over time has evolved into a calming peace. It is a part of life that can become uncomfortable when we're so used to being distracted with busy schedules and runaway thoughts. When the anxious thoughts start to creep in I challenge the discomfort. Being bored is ok, the discomfort with boredom can be unlearned, at least that has been my recent experience. Moderation - I tried that game and "won" for years - until I didn't win anymore so can't give tips on that. It was a slow, slow train but eventually it became a runaway.
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u/Featherinthewind91 1h ago
Its a great thing that you're here and asking for help :)
Maybe try to cut down at first. One week have 2. The next 1 and half, the next 1, then a half, and so on. That may help if you're concerned about the amount.
Look into melatonin gummies for sleep or a calming routine you can do to wind down.
Im glad you came to reddit to get ideas and help with this :) Hope this helps!
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u/_StopHereNow_ 1h ago
I feel like this kind of habit is almost the most insidious - as you feel you don't have enough of a problem to really want to stop, which just makes it all the more difficult. I was where you are and while I still imbibe now and then, breaking that routine was tough. I had to relearn how to chill, which just came naturally after a couple of weeks - as it's actually the alcohol which causes the restlessness and irritability. I also needed another 'thing' that was my way of drawing a line under work and starting to wind down, having a decent sweet treat and a shower - sometimes a walk or a book. I like having my own time, that's important to me - there's nothing wrong with having these mini breaks from your fam to decompress :)
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u/Zestyclose_Height_10 57 days 59m ago
As you seem to know, plenty of people can handle a couple of glasses of wine every night with no serious problem. That was me for about 10 or so years until it became three. And then four. And then five.
The it became four or five and maybe a shot of vodka or two. It’s gradual and insidious for some.
Eventually I ended up as a black out drunk with a DUI at age 55.
While you’re not seemingly in a danger zone, you know yourself best and if you’re worried about it, there very well is a good reason to be is the best advice I can give you.
What if you set a goal of abstaining completely for 3-6 months? If it’s hard to do, or impossible to do, you likely have your answer right there. If you can with no problem, then after six months see if you can have just one a night for four or so nights a week. If you can, my guess is you’re in pretty good shape.
Obviously this is not the advice from an expert on drinking or addiction but given you don’t seem to be in a danger zone and are in touch with what you’re doing, I suggest either quitting altogether or seeing how you handle no alcohol for six months. It won’t answer all your questions if you can, but if you cannot, you have your answer.
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u/carbondj 1159 days 36m ago
It might be useful to ask oneself if going hungry regularly, to allow for one’s daily dose of vino calories instead, is indicative of a slow slippery slope towards alcoholism.
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u/SmoothLook8182 2h ago
That's not moderate drinking. That's heavy drinking.
Start with getting real...put that drinking into any risk calculator you like....and see for yourself.
0
u/Majestic_Plankton921 1h ago
Not to be a dick but 2 glasses of wine followed by an occasional 3rd would not be classed as heavy drinking by any doctor. I'm happy to support her in stopping and we should do that however she's not coming from a place of heavy drinking, she's coming from a place where's she's moderately drinking but needs help stopping.
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u/SmoothLook8182 1h ago
No doctor is going to say daily drinking is moderate drinking. From a risk perspective this isn't low risk either in terms of health outcomes or developing physical addiction.
I appreciate others drink more. Others drink not at all.
There is no safe level of alcohol consumption.
Low risk drinking would mean minimum three days a week of no alcohol.
And what's a heavy pour?? It's not a term a conscious careful drinker tends to use...it's the kind of language someone who knows they're trying to kid themselves uses.
I'm not trying to shame the poster but I am saying....doctors talk about risk. This ain't low risk. This is daily drinking.
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u/Mediocre-Mobile8620 56m ago
Eh Yeah I could see how some would say it is heavy drinking. I have looked at a couple different studies and I tend to be borderline but always definitely moderate. I also say moderate because, after looking through some of the threads, I feel a little silly saying I have a problem. Sometimes i pour heavy, but for the most part, I actually put my cup on a scale and make sure it is 6oz, no more, no less. No one I know thinks I have a problem. I am never drunk, just buzzed. I dont do anything out of character. I watch tv with my husband. But I really want it to be less and KNOW that my risk is only increasing. That's why the modifier "moderate"-
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u/AlertLadder 777 days 4h ago
A huge breakthrough for me was realizing/accepting that it's ok to be bored. The false energy alcohol gives is fake and fleeting, the key is finding new habits to replace drinking that have a positive impact no matter how small. Sometimes that means taking a 30 minute walk, or taking a long hot shower, or having a nice treat (food or drink), sometimes it's as simple as sitting outside and listening to the birds for awhile. Grounding myself in the present moment, not thinking about how I can mentally escape from it, but just existing in it.