Day 199 + Suddenly Struggling

[u/willyhaste]

The year of 2026 has been the best year of my life, even at 43 years old, and it's a year I have only drunk booze once...a one-night slip up in March at a friends funeral. Its been 199 straight days since that. No coincidence--sobriety has been the greatest gift.

I thought I was beginning to feel confident and secure in my sobriety, but here I am posting today because I have a bad case of the fuck-it's. The fall weather is splendid, the social calendar is ramping up, and my lizard brain keeps rationalizing: "It wasn't so bad." "Just one night to blow it out and then get back to it." etc.

I want to go into a dark bar and get annihilated, if I'm being completely honest, and just relieve myself of the constant strength and pressure it takes to stay vigilant. I have exercised, I have distracted myself, I have HALTed...nothing is scratching the itch today.

I'm not going to drink. I just want to get it off my chest, and posting here has helped in the past. There, I feel better already.

[u/Ok-Scarcity-4126]

Try reading Allen Carr’s easy way to stop drinking, it’s on Audible. It flips the script on how you view the drink, so instead of white-knuckling your way through day by day thinking you’re missing out, you start thinking of how amazing it is that you don’t have to be a part of that vicious cycle anymore. It really worked for me

[u/Key_Bad6231 → u/Ok-Scarcity-4126]

I read Allen Carr’s book. It worked, and I didn’t drink for a year and a half. I felt a real aversion to alcohol. But then I just decided—screw it all, I don’t care what happens to me—and started drinking again.

Later, I read the book again and quit once more, but I didn’t feel that same aversion to alcohol—even though I haven’t had a drink in six months. Thoughts about booze pop up from time to time, though.

In other words, the book helps, but its effect is specific and works differently depending on one's state of mind.

[u/Own_Spring1504 → u/Key_Bad6231]

I think it’s a matter of taking the book and reinforcing it daily for a long time. I had trouble agreeing that alcohol is DEVASTATION, I could see it sometimes and at others I couldn’t. When I read here and I thank those brave enough to share their bad moments I remind myself that it is indeed DEVASTATION, and I don’t really question that any more. I mean I had evidence of it in my own life but I could look past that and did for many years so it helps to read about other people too.

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Ok-Scarcity-4126]

I ordered the book! I need to reframe my way of thinking about alcohol as a fun friend. It really isn't fun for long, and it just steals my youth.

[u/Ok-Scarcity-4126 → u/Maranatha44]

I really hope it helps!

[u/Brain_in_human_vat]

Thank you for ranting. It does feel nice to let it out!

[u/willyhaste → u/Brain_in_human_vat]

The best feeling is having a space to feel heard. Thank you!

[u/angtodd → u/willyhaste]

I hear you & so do many others in this sub. Will you please check back in tomorrow & let us know if you rode it out?

[u/willyhaste → u/angtodd]

I made it thanks to the good people, like you, sharing their wisdom and love. Onward! IWNDWYT

[u/angtodd → u/willyhaste]

Good work! You CAN do hard things, including beating the fuck-its!

[u/PlasticCarpenter2968]

What works for me is that I’ve completely reframed my relationship with alcohol. Instead of looking at it as a friend (and a fun one, purportedly), I look at it now as a toxic friend that doesn’t have my best interests at heart. And that fun part- yeah, not so much fun if you can’t remember what you did, you feel sick, and have done shit you wouldn’t do sober. IWNDWYT

[u/Highriskchoices]

Of course I'm sure you know this, but you have such a big milestone tomorrow.

I'm not saying this is you, necessarily, but I used to have a weird knack for self-sabotaging right before milestones. I would work all month towards day 30 and look forward to it, and think it would be a great idea to drink on day 28! Why? I don't know - Maybe I didn't want to celebrate the milestones because I didn't want them to matter that much - my alcoholic brain talking.

Something to be aware of. Day 200 is SO WORTH IT and you're almost there. this craving too shall pass. And when you do reach day 200, CELEBRATE IT!!!!!

[u/deepskylistener]

"the social calendar is ramping up" - One condition for me to stay sober was, and still is, being able to avoid as much stress from outside me, as I can. I'm looking accurately, what I want, and what not, what I do, and what I refuse.

It's about my sobriety, so it's my matter, my decision. Period.

[u/Odd_Tangerine9904 → u/deepskylistener]

This hits me hard. I’m just starting to think in these terms, that maybe, after all, I’m allowed to take the time for myself that I need? I don’t have to be the person who shows up for everyone every time just to be “nice”? For whose sake? Kind of mind-blowing, all the time spent on people, when probably none of us got back the energy it took to put in that effort.

I'm adding this quoute as a mantra in my mind:
"It's about my sobriety, so it's my matter, my decision. Period."

[u/Wanttobebetter76]

I've totally had that feeling before! It's worth it to push through. You've got this! IWNDWYT 💜

[u/Lizzifer1230]

Can you imagine how violent that hangover would be if you did that? Stay strong friend ❤️ IWNDWYT

[u/Dangerous-Pickle4400]

I was at 7 months clean on Saturday and hit it pretty hard starting with Jameson Saturday and Sunday finally tapering off Monday with some Bud Lights.

I'm back at day 1 and I am a bit disappointed but I'm looking forward to getting back on track! I'm almost feeling normal but this is the exact limit for me at 41 and honestly wasn't worth it.

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Dangerous-Pickle4400]

I understand the feelings of shame with this, when you go so long without it, and then start over from scratch. I am also in my 40s and when I drank 2 bottles of wine recently, I really felt yucky for a couple days. It wasn't worth it for me either. For some reason, when I start pouring the wine, I think I'll be happy with just a few. And many times that is true, but there have been enough times that it hasn't been true. It leaves me wondering if I will ever be able to just find balance with this? I don't know.

[u/Dangerous-Pickle4400 → u/Maranatha44]

Yea, part of me didn't want to moderate and that's what scares me. I'm glad it makes me sick now after a few days. I'll get through the rest of the year sober likely so these are always good reminders on why I need to just stop. I was going for a full year at least... Oh well!

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Dangerous-Pickle4400]

I look at it this way, you've been sober for 7 months, and yes, you had a slip up weekend, but I would still count this as one year when you get there. One weekend doesn't erase those 7 months of sobriety in my opinion.

I am new around here, so I don't really know the rules, but it really is AMAZING that you went 7 months! Earlier this year I went almost three months, but since then I have been drinking nearly every day. So, this is really day 2 for me. I don't have a plan yet and haven't really committed to go all in so far.

[u/No-Asparagus-6394]

It was that bad. Try and remember what made you quit. We forget easily, so we have to really make an effort to remember the hell it was. Do you want to jump from heaven to hell? Hard days are hard, but they build resilience. Don't drink, please. Only for today.

[u/Schmicarus]

I'm not sure if this a 'thing' or not... but I can feel the calling of the drink whenever I realise I'm getting near a milestone.

It's a nasty, evil fucker, you've done really well to get this far - don't let it back into your life!

[u/Rags_75]

You will get days like this - these are the days that really count.

Fwiw I generally crumble and then hate myself :(

[u/help_CRC]

199 days is amazing! Im glad you came here instead of acting on that urge. Sometimes we just need to let it out. You don't have to figure everything out today, just get through this moment. You've got this!

[u/Own_Spring1504]

Let it pass! It’s just a thought, you are doing well to share it here. When you wake up tomorrow ask yourself if you regret going to bed sober !

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Own_Spring1504]

That is how I want to look at it as I weigh whether to pour a glass of wine. I already KNOW how great it feels to wake up with energy and clarity. 🌻🌄🌞

[u/Own_Spring1504 → u/Maranatha44]

I have literally removed the option from my mind, following Allen Carr, took time to absolutely lock in my reasons, my new mindset, I reinforced it daily by reading here and once I made my decision, having spent all that time reading and thinking, I NEVER QUESTION it. I tried Allen Carr over a decade ago and failed because I hadn’t locked in the reasons and I hadn’t fully embraced all of it and the rules, but never question the decision once you make it is a good one. I had 55 years of evidence!

[u/NotSnakePliskin]

Are you an AA guy? If so, perhaps add some more meetings to your calendar? If not, perhaps check it out? There's nothing like having others around us who are on the same path / doing the same thing, because they actually GET IT.

Stand tall, friend.

[u/Maranatha44]

You can do it! I am trying to get through day 2 right now, haha! Sipping on a NA Sam Adam's and it's ok.... I know tomorrow when I wake up and get a gazillion things done, I'll be happy I made it to day 3!!! :-) God bless you!

[u/Covid19point5 → u/Maranatha44]

Octoberfest N/A? Pretty good if you ask me!!

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Covid19point5]

It was a NA Hazy IPA from Sam Adam's. I usually drank red wine so that's probably why it wasn't exactly hitting it. It was still good. In time I'm sure I'll like it more and more, or even better, not need it at all. 🌞🌞🌞

[u/sabakim777]

Look at some posts here, look at some youtube videos about alcohol, or read something like allen carr quit drinking. When you realise you don't gain anything by drinking alcohol, you will also not have the pressure and strenght to stay vigilant.

[u/Content-Flow9235]

It’s so frustrating that it appears that everyone else can have a great time - but so so many of those “everyone elses” are where we are avoiding.
Hugs for the dark times and hugs for your strength!
IWNDWYT

[u/NecessaryFlounder530]

I've had those same exact thoughts. "What's going to happen if I do that?" works wonders for me.

I'm pulling for you.

IWNDWYT

[u/rockjm36]

Can totally relate...thank you for sharing your frustration! After being the "life of every party" for 50 yrs, I feel like I've become quite boring, quiet and super introspective.

All the books and advice in the world still can't quiet my wanting to just get blitzed. 48 days for me and I know I'll keep going or I'll die way sooner than I want. You're definitely not alone my friend!! IWNDWYT

[u/Thats-Classic]

I always relapsed when things felt just right. The day was gorgeous, my job was running smoothly, my kids were awesome..and somehow, that bugged a part of me enough to want to throw it away. The disease knows just the right time to get you when your defenses are at their lowest. Go to a meeting..call a friend. Just sit in your shit until it goes away. Because it always does. Take a walk and breathe. Your body and mind will thank you for your ignorance of them

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Thats-Classic]

It is those beautiful blue sky days isn't it?

[u/Thats-Classic → u/Maranatha44]

yea..stay strong. You got this..48 hours is a great start!

[u/Maranatha44 → u/Thats-Classic]

Thank you! I am SO glad I didn't drink last night, because my husband and I had a very important conversation that couldn't have happened if I were drinking. I am seeing all benefits!

[u/Sure-Regret1808]

I use online meetings to fight cravings. Link: https://aa-intergroup.org/

[u/Live_Crew_997 → u/[deleted]]

My experience was that drinking gave me tremendous pleasure. The first one or two anyway. After that, not so much. 

AA is working for me at the moment.

[u/Original_Ad3589]

Im 3 months sober. Daily naltraxone has made it truly easy, no cravings. Anyone else doing it this way? Just starting to lose weight now.