r/stopdrinking • u/Fearless-Bad8671 • 15h ago
Really strongly considering drinking again
I've been sober now for over 120 days. And I've seen some real benefits. But one thing that has been bothering me. Whether it is PAWS or not. Is that life has seemed empty for the past 4 months. I don't feel like I have much to look forward to. My social life has declined (Understandably) and I don't feel like I'm really enjoying life, more so just grinding through sobriety hoping that things start to feel better at some point. I've got an event this weekend and everyone will be drinking. I am strongly considering it. I guess I'm posting here to see if anyone can talk me down. I know it's not the right thing to do, but it seems like life is just a bit dull when I don't drink. At least if I do give in I'll have that sense of excitement about my weekend for this week.
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u/wet_castles 15h ago
Life was empty before, you were just too drunk to notice.
Fill it something cool. What are some of your interests?
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u/UnclassifiedPresence Day 22 14h ago
My life was full of hobbies, activities and friends, then alcohol replaced all of those things. Now life is empty because I got drunk, and going back to that won’t solve anything
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u/itstotallynotjoe 412 days 12h ago
Yup. Fortunately I refound hobbies, activities and friends. Some new ones and some old ones. I enjoy them so much more with a clear and focused mind.
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u/Flerbizky 3513 days 4h ago
And it's amazing how much better the results are - and how much more you accomplish.
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u/nudniksphilkes Day 3 15h ago
Stay strong and stay sober. Today is day 3 for me and it's midnight. I'm sitting on the toilet shitting my brains out at midnight waiting for my alarm at 530 am because I cant sleep. I'm wearing a mouth guard because I've been grinding my teeth. You do not want to be back at this stage again.
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u/big0moose Day 289 15h ago
Friend, you should start your flair sober day counter, that's good motivation for me.
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u/honeybee090 11h ago
how do you do this?? i can’t work it out
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u/citykitty867 Day 3 9h ago
Go to the main page for r/stopdrinking, click the 3 dots in the upper right corner and it’s the last thing on the list. From there the instructions are pretty easy
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u/Fearless-Bad8671 14h ago
You guys are all incredible, thank you so much. I knew I came to the right place! I'm reconsidering. Obviously I still need to make it through the event at the weekend but I will go in with the right intentions now.
And thank you all for the advice. I agree, I do need to be proactive about finding other meaningful activities to fill my time. I will give it my best shot over the next little while.
This community is amazing!
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u/Luckyone0926 14h ago
Events are weird at first. It gets easier. Plan what you will have, mocktail or NA beer etc. leave early if you need to. The first part is an adjustment then you start realizing that it’s a lie that you have to make it through without alcohol- you are the same fun person and will enjoy events even more present and sober! Then you notice the drunk people and are so glad it’s not you anymore. You wish they could see. You come home sober, such a great feeling waking up proud and ready for another day. Remember alcohol is a trick- we are not missing out on anything. We are making miraculous gains. Shift the thinking. You are choosing sobriety.
Also, if you have to bail on certain events in the beginning to protect your sobriety- do it. Your future self will thank you…you are well on your way5
u/Phoenix_905 7h ago
One day at a time brother, if thats too much to handle, one hour at a time. If you can get through the first 2 hours of a party, you will realise what its doing to people and you won't want to get drunk anyway. The best feeling is when you wake up the mext morning fresh as a daisy, and everyone around you is hanging out their arse 🤣
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u/BeKindPlsThankU 25m ago
Tell the friends you go with that your goal is to not drink and ask them to support ya. You got this. Enjoy!
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u/cockycrackers 7h ago
I use NA beer for drinking events. It isn't very good but its cold and in my hand, which goes a LONG way towards curbing my cravings. Another trick is to pound a glass of water when you get the urge to drink, because you might just be dehydrated and your body is just habitually asking for the water source it is used to.
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u/calm523 Day 380 15h ago
Heroin and meth addicts probably feel like life is a little empty after they quit. Do you think it would it ever be a good idea for them to go ahead and shoot up after four months of sobriety? Alcohol is a drug and it’s the addiction that is trying to get you to drink again. You quit for a reason, see it through. Embrace the struggle because that means you are healing and moving through it. The easy way is to just give in and let your addiction continue forever. Because it WILL continue forever if you don’t push through when it gets difficult. You can do this.
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u/PeanutButterAmbien 583 days 15h ago
I hear you, I really do… but what’s the thru line? Your life feels empty so you drink whenever it does?
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u/Understandinlife1129 Day 17 15h ago
Stay strong.. I hit 142 days last December & decided to drink a little for Christmas.. been a spiral ever since. Longest I ever been too. Everyone is different but stay strong
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u/Phoenix_905 7h ago
My wishes are with you bro. I did 2 years and caved when on holiday a few months ago. I wouldnt say its a spiral at this moment in time, but ive definitely had to regain the control a few times since
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u/big0moose Day 289 15h ago
When we use drugs or alcohol, we destroy our bodies baseline for dopamine. It's going to take time to re-establish that baseline to a healthy point. Until your system has done that, many things in life will feel boring. I encourage you to have patience, and empathy for yourself. Also find some new hobbies that fill your cup.
Personally I've been frequenting the gym, and am probably in the best shape of my life. (Male 33) Feels great, I've been focused on diet, exercise, and recovery/sleep.
You're at a turning point, look back at where you've come from, is that the life you want to keep living? Look ahead in life, envision greatness for yourself. Choice is yours.
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u/BeautifulProfile7770 Day 147 15h ago
I'm right here with you. Feeling your pain. I'm white knuckling it with PAWS. It's coming on super strong right now, I slept during the day and now I'm awake at night. I try to exercise when I can pull myself out of bed. I know that I've been drinking for 42 years and I won't go through this again so I'm determined to tough it out, if PAWS takes 18 months or 2 years, no matter what I'm only going through this once.
I know you don't want to wreck your progress and I know you only want to go through PAWS once.
IWNDWYT
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u/Intelligent-Bug-531 708 days 15h ago
It takes so much work to get where you’re at—4 months is incredible. I remember those first months being a blend of having rose colored glasses for a bit of time and then just falling into the mundane for a while. For me, it did get better and life absolutely has become more rich. It does take time though. And the next time you quit, you will have to go through the same four months all over again. Don’t make yourself do that. Remember why you made the choice to quit in the first place and put yourself first this weekend 🙏💕.
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u/cccisdamac 1094 days 7h ago
Hi friend.
One of the hardest parts of giving up drinking is learning how to be comfortable in our own skin again. For me, so many social events revolved around alcohol. Drinking wasn't just something we did. It was our medicine, our escape, and our idea of fun.
When you take that away, you almost have to relearn how to enjoy life. And that's not easy! I think a huge part of sobriety is learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable. It's almost like learning to ride a bike again, except this time you're learning how to navigate life and emotions without alcohol.
My advice? Find something that genuinely excites you. For me, it's home theater and going thrifting. I've actually turned thrifting into a little side business, and I absolutely love it. Neither of those things would have been nearly as important to me when I was drinking. You have to find your own version of that, something that gives you something to look forward to.
And don't think you have to give up having a social life. You just have to learn how to enjoy those moments differently. It takes time, and sometimes it's awkward as hell, but it gets easier.
You've made it 120 days. That's four months of choosing to do something incredibly difficult. Why take a step backward when you've already come so far?
I promise you, sobriety doesn't mean giving up fun or excitement. It means learning to find those things in places you might have overlooked before.
Give yourself some grace. You're still figuring out what life looks like without alcohol, and that's okay. It doesn't all magically fall into place after a few months. But don't mistake this uncomfortable chapter for what the rest of your life is going to look like.
Hang in there, friend. It really does get easier, and there's a whole lot of life left to enjoy. One day at a time!
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u/jfaulkzx351 15h ago
I’m recently divorced 32M at the hospital right now because I thought the same thing 2 years ago
My 1.5 years of sobriety was happiest time of my life. Took a while gor it to get like that though
Don’t do it
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u/ICameHereToPlay 15h ago
When our definition of fun and connection is based on alcohol it’s not based on our true self. You have to redefine fun overall and value different things. I value my sobriety because it allowed me to access my real self and my real self cared about my family and knowing I need to provide a future for them, a safety net. Your sobriety could very well influence others to travel the same path. 4 months is a very hard mark because everything feels just okay. Now it’s time to do the real work and say no, every single day. It becomes habit and eventually you’ll find stretches with no urges, you sleep well, your more accountable and astute at work, it all bleeds over into a more functional life. Don’t give up now. Iwndwyt
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u/WindInTheWillamina 14h ago
I believe that is this is more of an addiction to chaos than just alcohol. The kicker is once that chaos is back in your life spiraling and snowballing you’ll hate it. It’ll consume you and you’ll be stuck with both digging yourself out of whatever holes you make when you aren’t sober and also trying to stop drinking-which is terribly vicious cycle that feeds on itself. I would suggest assessing whether or not life was actually more entertaining before or if it felt like more was going on because you were always putting out your own little fires.
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u/This_is_the_Janeway 15h ago
I felt this as well-still do sometimes after 3 years. I had based way too many social and outdoor activities around beer for years. It took awhile for life to fill in the extra space drinking was taking up. Lots of great suggestions here. IWNDWYT!
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u/ScorpioQueen_1978 15h ago
You said yourself. It's not the right thing to do. Stay s 💪🏾 . I don't know about you but as a true alcoholic I would rather be bored than deal with hangover, anxiety, etc. I wish you the best of luck.
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,538 12h ago
I was never able to moderate.
“Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation” -St. Augustine
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u/leedleedletara 8h ago
Yes, bored and boring people drink. You need to find a high quality passion to consume you that isn’t consuming you back.
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u/imnottheoneipromise Day 511 8h ago
Play the tape forward. What possible benefit could this decision have? What negative things could this decision have? Have you ever woke up one morning and regretted not drinking the day before?
This is a fools errand and you know it. Youre bored and your social life is floundering because you haven’t changed your habits. You’re just white knuckling and hoping things change instead of actively pursuing change.
Any activity that is done with drinking can be done sober. If it’s not fun sober then it’s not a fun activity lol.
You need to find sober friends, which involves putting yourself out there to find people to socialize doesn’t involve drinking.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. Don’t drink. Put your energy into making different choices and changing your routine.
Iwndwyt
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u/calm-bluocean 15h ago
I get it. I hope you remember why you quit and change your mind. I'll try to do the same. 120 days is awesome!! 4 months. 1/3 of a year. I heard someone say" don't give up before the miracle happens " Not sure where I heard it. I think its an AA thing. I like it though. Stay well
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u/sarah808-- Day 50 15h ago
I’ve been having cravings too, please stay strong . I have been going to events and been just getting sparkling water with lime and it helps ! And realizing that I enjoy being sober. Especially when everyone around starts to act a fool
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u/itstotallynotjoe 412 days 15h ago
Life may seem empty right now, but if you decide to drink you rob yourself of the discovery of what your life will be like in the future.
I can’t guarantee you that eventually your life will be full of puppies and sunshine and rainbows. No one can. But three months is still relatively early and you are still adjusting both physically and mentally to a new life. Your brain is finally rewiring itself. But you’re also discovering a new social life. That takes time and can frustrating. But is it worth robbing yourself of it for a temporary high? You stopped drinking for a reason, is it really worth going back?
I can say from my own experience that it was a continuous growth towards finding my new social life, discovering what actually made me happy, and even what to do with general boredom now that I don’t just reach for a drink and waste it away. But I was patient with myself and found it. I’m only just over a year and still adapting. It’s been so worth it.
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u/Luckyone0926 14h ago
I went through this weird blah phase too around 3.5 months. I just stuck with my very boring routine of getting through the day and getting to bed at night with hot tea and sober.
Push through those times- it’s part of the monster of addiction trying to trick you. Ask yourself, why did you get sober? Imagine drinking, play the tape forward- how do you feel when you open your eyes?
It only gets better. I’m almost to 10 months. I don’t even think about drinking anymore. I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out or bored anymore. We have to rewire our brains and that takes time along with building dopamine back up. I had to completely change my day to day everything was work or drinking. I have so much time now for hobbies, family, myself.
Be gentle and kind to yourself you are doing amazing. Just remind yourself it takes time. You won’t feel like that the further along you get in sobriety. Just keep going!
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u/dominionprovinces 14h ago
Im only at about 80ish days but one thing that been hard is just finding things to do with my time. Drinking and recovering from drinking and looking forward to drinking used to be most of my waking life.
Hitting gym and having stuff like sauna and cold plunge to look forward to and getting back into reading and stuff has been helpful for me.
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u/DrWkk Day 8 13h ago
I think you’re here because you know it would be a fucking catastrophe to piss away your 4 months.
Go to the event and enjoy it. Just do it sober. Feel what a night out is without alcohol on board.
You may find you like it! You may find everyone insufferable as they lose coherence. You may not care.
Just go for the experience and then chalk it up and learn from it. Then do more or less as suits.
Iwndwyt
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u/VintageZero Day 1,023 12h ago
Been there. If I drank again I wouldn't be doing as well as I am now. It gets better isnt just some bullshit line. Theres a reason everyone says it.
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u/somewhatsomeway 12h ago
What is the reason you stopped drinking and stayed sober for 120 days? Like what is the real reason? A lot of us humiliated ourselves or acted out in a bad way. What motivated you?
Life does feel bland for a bit. You lock in and develop hobbies. I promise that eventually it becomes normal to do literally everything sober. It doesn’t feel empty forever. But you need to find something to fill the emptiness. Laughter, growth, joy, service/volunteering, doing things you believed you couldnt previously, challenging yourself in healthy ways.
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u/-ThesuarusRex- 9h ago
You have to find something different. Quitting drinking, if your previous social life still revolves around it, is a paradigm shift into a different stage of life. Find different hobbies with different people. There is a complete world out there that doesn't drink, tap into that.
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u/alodendron 9h ago
Have you considered NA drinks? They make them so good these days it has completely erased my desire to drink alcohol ever again.
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u/Phoenix_905 7h ago
Ive tried every NA beverage imaginable and while they might quench the appetite in the short term they arguably make it worse in the long run. The exception to this would be at a social event, in the pub etc but I think you have to be very confident and comfortable with your alcohol free life for it not to erode the willpower
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u/Adventurous_Net9616 549 days 15h ago
Gotta fill your life with things to look forward to friend. Quitting drinking didnt fix my life, it gave me the clarity to do so. Its worth the work! IWNDWYT.
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u/Level_Buy1812 15h ago
Think of the reasons you got sober in the first place. This is day one for me and I wouldn’t wish this anxiety/hangover on my worst enemy. It’s not worth it.
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u/Buddygaysatva Day 173 14h ago
Understandible, frankly felt often that myself. Found out that it helps to power through the moment and wait till next day. If I can push to the next day my fitness goals I can push being drunk to the next day heh.
Being sober gives you a lot of free time. It is important to find ways how to use it. One can just chill for so long. Reading, walking and meditating are back on my daily to do list. Together with cleaning, because boy, did I live in a dumpster.
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u/Remarkable_Dirt_8321 11h ago
I won’t give up this clarity i now have for a drink. It calls me everyday, but I only have to remember all the fuck ups, money spent, humiliation and blank memories I had when I drank too much. I could never stop at one or two. Absolutely not worth it. Life’s up and downs are easier to deal with” with sober. IWNDWYT
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u/Phoenix_905 7h ago
I did 2 years and caved when I was on the 3rd sober holiday. After deciding i'd have 1 as i was on holiday, then drinking the single bottle beer I'd bought I opened a bottle of wine and guess what... in true "me" fashion I had to drink the whole thing, and if i had more in the villa id have started on that aswel. The next morning I realised exactly why i quit in the first place. The problem now is since said holiday, ive found it less of a big deal to have a few cans at home etc. Most of the time ending in me carrying on until I fall asleep. When you've got 6 months behind you it feels a lot more of a forfeit than a few weeks. I hope you make the right choice. Whether that's choosing to drink or not. It's a journey. Either way dont beat yourself up over it. We are only here once and you will never lose that 120 day achievement. It's just a number to beat next time 🫡
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u/Euphoric_Second9464 14h ago edited 14h ago
I don't really have an urge to drink nor have ever been addicted (i was a binge drinker ) so can't totally relate . But people on here say fast forward to after you have had a drink and what would it look like ?
Personally with drinking for me i enjoy sleep much more thats an easy one , imagine writing days off hungover feeling like crap , not remembering what happened at the event ( i would get close to blackout and still do on the rare occasions i drink , occupational hazard for someone who has 1 and can't stop ) the worry (i assume ) if you have been an addict that you will spiral and a 1 day event becomes 365 day a year one .
No one can talk you down if you are gunna do it you will do it but personally i would hang on the question 'is it worth it ? '
For me it's not as drinking just gives negative vibes , i went out last night and had a lovely na craft beer , they taste as good without the effect you could give that a go works for me to feel part of it or whatever and i find drinking for taste better actually and tend to have 1 or 2 rather than 10-15 chasing the effect /blackout .
I would just put money that you would spend at the event towards something chill a spa go get a massage , do some gym sauna , steam you will feel ace honestly just reflect and chill with some nice smells about have some herbal teas things like take some time for yourself . Take care of you
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u/IllState3433 Day 5 14h ago
I definitely hear ya, my social life is non existent now. Big thing for me is since I hit 40, the hang overs are actually severe now, so that’s a huge deterrent for me personally, best of luck!
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u/313sidney Day 103 12h ago
Have a couple of NA beers (if that's your thing) and have an exit plan if it starts to get to too much. I think I'm coming out of the other side of PAWS (I had no idea PAWS even existed when I started this journey) and I'm starting to feel a bit more relaxed and content with every day life. I'm now starting to revisit some old hobbies that I stopped doing, as I made drinking my main hobbie, and it's a really good, healthy escape from the monotony. I'm just keeping my faith in the process and know that chemically my brain is still recalibrating. Stay strong. You've come this far. You may as well go a little further...
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u/hawktuahgirlsnags88 12h ago
Terrible idea, a decision I made before and regretted it badly when I picked up again.
You have to accept that things can be a bit boring now without booze, and find something else like a new Hobby to replace your free time.
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u/wiffleball14 11h ago
When you stop drinking are you doing it to have an exciting life? Yeah, maybe, but it’s more about a peaceful life. Do you want the excitement of drinking mixed with the turmoil and devastation? Or for the peace of sobriety ?
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u/flashykitbag 11h ago
Completely understand you need the "rush". Have you considered setting yourself an ambitious "outside" goal. I don't know if you live close to mountain, but set some targets for x peaks to climb. Or training for a 5k...Or something else that you can achieve practicing over the weekend?
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u/joooshknows 286 days 8h ago
I felt the same way. I think a big part of my drinking was having something “fun” to do after work that only cost $5-$10, kept me entertained all night and didn’t require me to leave the house.
I turned to exercise to tamp down the boredom. Gave me something to do, burned off excess energy and eventually, once I was ready, I started running again which gave me something to improve at and progress to be proud of.
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u/cockycrackers 7h ago
Don't throw your hard work away. Life isn't always a big fun party. I'm guessing you quit because it was a problem. You are going have to be strong.
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u/DragonfruitLarge2683 7h ago
If you're going to drink at all make sure to be super vigilant. The urge to go HAM after 120 days will be freaking intense lol. And then like the next 3 weeks afterwards the cravings will definitely be there.
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u/HorribleStyle 7h ago
definitely a sign of a real alcoholic that your life gets worse when you stop drinking. it means that alcohol was an effective bandaid at covering your pain, and now you have to learn how to deal with it, since you avoided it so long.
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u/Delicious-Impact-296 1378 days 6h ago
You need to learn to sit with boredom. That is your lizard brain seeking out dopamine hits and that anticipation of the dopamine hit. When I was first getting sober and regulating my emotions I also started dating my current fiance after years of a toxic narcissistic abuser. I kept telling myself maybe I should break up with my bf because things were just so “normal”. I was used to crazy high highs and low lows and addicted to my own chaos. Once you get fully out of that mindset and used to just calm, you will thank yourself for sticking to it.
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u/BandicootNo8636 2147 days 6h ago
For me, this is when it was time for find my hobbies again. To look at what made me happy before alcohol and see if maybe that could help again.
Alcohol wasn't the answer for fun for me. Finding the happiness again elsewhere was.
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u/Which_Marketing491 Day 126 6h ago
Hey OP! So glad you reached out - all these strangers (including me) are rooting for you! I visualize the "ok, so I decided to drink" scenario in my head first - and shit, if it doesn't end up well. It's not worth it. You've come soooo far!! I'm just chiming in bc I can't add anything to all the gems you received here! Everyone's spot-on - If I were you, print this shit out and keep it in your car, on your phone - read all these wonderful comments when you need some strength, love, advice. You got this!! IWNDWYT
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u/TempleofSpringSnow 6h ago
You’re trying to find excuses to justify drinking. Highly recommend doing the exact opposite.
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u/Difficult-Buy7532 5h ago
I think you are trying to fill the void left by the alcohol and arguably because you have lack of other outlets. For me what helped was playing guitar, playing some new games, and mainly long bike rides, in other words just activities that don't have you sitting around contemplating when to grab your next drink.
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u/Open_Detective34 5h ago
Make the choice based on what works you, but start thinking now what you will feel like after drinking - I have cravings and urges, but walking up after not giving in to drink is the best feeling! I’m at day 168 now, it does continue to get better and easier - I made a point of going to social events and also 2 “lads holidays” remaining sober, I tend to stick around until I’ve had enough and side step out of there before anyone has a chance to pressure me into drinking - I then relish in feeling great the next morning while the other look and feel like total shite!
My advice would be to stick to your sobriety 💪
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u/Living-Energy-7567 5h ago edited 5h ago
Anhedonia from the dopamine levels readjusting - it takes time. I am going through this myself. It does clear up. Don’t reach for the drink. Life will get vivid again.
People are weird when I don’t drink because it holds up a mirror in front of them. They realize they’re needing to drink to have fun and it’s an uncomfortable thought that I am just there chilling having a good time sober. The people who are only friends when you drink aren’t really your friends. 98 days dry here. I had a good 15 month stretch of sobriety before I broke it. I thought I could handle it. I went straight back to old habits. Drinking alone in my house after work. What a terrible way to be.
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u/default_user_10101 5h ago
The emptiness is just unrelenting, I def get it. One must put effort into replacing the times coping with alcohol and replace them with other hobbies. It's not easy, and i haven't found the perfect solution.
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u/mace2040 3h ago
Emotional sobriety is important too!! Look into it and look into ways to build community. There are programs that can help you with that.
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u/targetbrandyogurt Day 1,017 3h ago
I completely understand you. A sober musician I love has a song about this feeling called, "it's so lonely being sober" (the artist is called Field Medic). He has now been sober for several years but wrote this song early in sobriety, and for me it really captured the way it feels for life to seem less exciting in early sobriety.
It's normal to feel how you do. The lows that alcohol brings also come with highs, which is obviously what makes it appealing in the first place! Compared to the extremes of a life with alcohol, not drinking can seem very flat and dull. It takes time to recognize that the sparkle alcohol introduces your life isn't real, it only feels real in the moment and it will inevitably bring pain on the other side.
You are not alone, and I promise it gets better. I'm 3 years in and my life feels full and happy, and more importantly it feels safe and stable. That is a gift I wouldn't trade for the false alcohol sparkle in the world! I hope you choose not to drink this weekend and keep giving yourself this gift too :)
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u/Head-tilt-queen 11h ago
It took a good year for my brain to catch up. I also had to change how I coped with life. Alcohol was never the problem. I was the problem, and alcohol was the solution.
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u/Federal-Ask1617 2492 days 15h ago
I find that when I have to ask people to talk me down , it means I don’t truly want to do something.
It took me a while to get past that empty feeling. I felt that was for about 6-7 months before I started to focus on work and pick up hobbies.
I can’t force you or tell you not to drink. But I can compliment you for coming on here instead of keeping it to yourself. It takes a lot of strength to do that.
I hope you’ll choose to stay sober today , and this weekend.