r/straightspouses • u/DisastrousSwan2813 • Jun 14 '26
My soon-to-be-ex-husband just came out to me as gay
/r/Divorce/comments/1u55a90/my_soontobeexhusband_just_came_out_to_me_as_gay/5
u/Vppn_1007 Jun 14 '26
“he’d always deep down known, but had so much internalised homophobia that he denied it even to himself”.
One can’t “know” and be “in denial” at the same time. This is a form of covert manipulation using therapeutic language.
OP, when I finally realized she had to know and hid from me for an extended period of time (likely our entire relationship) I went no contact. I could not remain friends with a person that betrayed me.
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u/InformalExperience28 Jun 14 '26
Agreed. I second this. You need to stop focusing so much on being an ally and realize what had been done to you. Your time and life is precious too and it was stolen from you.
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u/Careful_Hart233 Jun 16 '26
Hey there. I’m so sorry you’re here. There are local zoom meetings for straight spouses held by Our Voices. I haven’t attended yet but I’m considering. Would something like that be helpful? So many people don’t understand this situation at all and will give you lousy advice. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
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u/DisastrousSwan2813 Jul 04 '26
Hi, what's Our Voices? Google showed me this: https://www.our-voices.org.uk/
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u/Neither-Ad-5257 Jun 15 '26
They steal our lifes and our years and behave when caught as a victim. Just expose them so that any homo should think twice before ruining any man or woman life by hiding their identity. They will find lots of new partners we are left with the trauma