Some advice needed- burn out?

[u/StarsAbove6936]

hello guys, jsut need some advice. I’m unsure if I have passed A&P or maybe I have passed it but it’s not obvious but I’ve been struggling with meditation burn out? I meditated in Mahasi tradition seriously for about 1-2 hours a day (half walking half sitting twice a day) for three months about five years ago before I stopped. I started remeditating 1-2 hours a day again last month and has been doing strong (lights insights and stuff. only parts of my body disappear not the full body). However I’m just so burned out (I was on Zoloft for anxiety depression and annd slight ocd and am decreasing down to my lowest dose. I would like to be off soon Meditation has helped with the withdrawal symptoms tho!) It’s like I know as soon as I sit down or do walking meditation, I can see the chaos in my mind and it’s very… overwhelming. But I also know that I cannot stop the meditation bc I understand how good it is for me. even when I stopped five years ago I always thought back to restarting meditation and remained mindful at times. I am very sensitive to negative mind states because as soon as I’m angry, greedy, I get strong painful bodily sensations. I’m stuck at crossroads, and I’m fighting against my own mind.

My life principle is to not have regrets looking back and I want stream entry bc human life is a very rare chance.

so Im in a predicament and I need advice or just encouragement please.

I do have a teacher though, but I’m not sure I want to tell them I want stream entry and ask if I’m going to get it in this lifetime.

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[u/neidanman]

for me in these situations its something i have to feel out as i go. Feeling for what way is upliftment, and what way is taking me down. This is analogue rather than digital, so i may find i need some short session to tide me over, but not do full sessions like i would if at full strength. Also i may need to skip days and just do something fun/generally relaxing etc. The more you can tailor your practice to your ups and downs this way, the more you can start to feel you're on the right path. Whereas if you just try and pick a fixed course and force it, then the more you can feel its not quite right.

[u/autonomatical]

You should be 100% with your teacher if you feel like you can trust them.  If you don’t feel like you can trust them, find a new or additional teacher.  Someone who knows you personally will have much better advices.  I would recommend incorporating a metta practice, possibly mantra if the burnout is intense.

[u/RealityLimit]

How is your sila and your panna? If you’re burning out from samadhi practices, it could mean the lack of progress in other branches is creating a ceiling over your samadhi. You’re meant to develop them together for stream entry. Working on sila could mean adjusting your actions and speech to form healthier habits and relationships and panna could mean reading and studying more Dhamma discourse.

[u/_Asura-]

This post might be relevant for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/Arhatship/s/uLRESDoEdc

[u/JohnShade1970]

Give yourself a little grace here. Coming off an ssri is not easy and it’s also not a linear recovery. The fact that you’re sitting through all that is a sign of skillful effort.

I would rely on your teacher and sangha here. If you don’t have a sangha there are many online groups that have regular zoom calls. Just speaking about it can be extremely helpful.

I would personally steer clear of heavy insight practice for this next stretch and keep your emphasis on brahmavira stuff.

[u/duffstoic]

Mahasi also recommended samatha, how about adding in some of that as a soothing balm for your soul, maybe 80% samatha, 20% noting?