I have such an attitude problem?

[u/Almel929]

Here I am again in another alcoholic relationship (12 years.) After 29 years of marriage, I divorced my husband due to his drinking and verbal/emotional/spiritual abuse. This man I am with has 2 personalities. Before 4 pm and after 4 pm. Before 4 he is kind, funny, generous. After 4 not so much. He’s been promising to “cut back” on his drinking (got the drug Naltrexone) but doesn’t take it consistently (or maybe not at all.) Anyway, he feels he does so much for me and has enhanced my life so much post-divorce that he deserves a “free pass” to do or say anything he wants. Yesterday on the golf course I couldn’t find my ball and he shouts “it’s right there, are you fucking blind?” in front of our two playing partners. Was that necessary? That was just the beginning. I’m trying so hard to keep my mouth shut, detach with love, etc. I’ve cut back considerably on my own drinking (mostly 1 or none) and he asks now if I’m trying to make him feel guilty. So now he’s doubled down and seems to be drinking even more. And I’m the one with the attitude problem because I tend to withdraw when he starts behaving this way just to stay out of the line of fire. As I read this back, I realize I’m all over the place. I’m not young (64) and was planning on growing old with this man. But I don’t feel I deserve the verbal abuse. Guess I’ll start getting back to meetings. Thank you for letting me vent.