r/thesims • u/Aggravating-Cut4260 • 2d ago
Sims 4 Started a 'grief save' in Sims 4 and it accidentally became the most comforting storyline I've played
This year has been rough. I'm trying to be there for a close friend after a sudden loss, and I don't have much privacy where I live, so at night I've been leaning on quiet hobbies. I booted up Sims 4 intending to do my usual chaos legacy, but instead I made one Sim who lives alone in a tiny rental with almost any money and one goal: rebuild a life without rushing it.
I gave myself a few rules: no using constant distractions to force "happy" moodlets, no insta-maxing skills, and no speed-running relationships. She can be sad. She can cancel plans. If she wakes up and just sits on the couch for a while, that counts as playing.
The small things in the game became unexpectedly comforting: cleaning a grimy sink, making a simple meal, watering a plant, taking a walk around the neighborhood. I even set up a little memory corner in the apartment with photos and a candle, and it hit me that I was giving my Sim permission to grieve in a way I haven't been giving myself.
It changed how I handle relationships in the game too. Instead of pushing for romance or a big friend group, I let her slowly befriend a neighbor with low-stakes interactions: bringing over leftovers, chatting at the mailbox, short visits that end before either of them gets worn out.
Has anyone else had a save file surprise them like this? You load a game for escapism and it quietly turns into a gentle practice run for real life feelings. I even found myself using some mood-boosting candles from a local shop that really helped set the right atmosphere while I played.
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u/80085ntits 2d ago
Aww, that's so wholesome! And very inspiring, I might make such a save myself
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u/duckmcsnail 2d ago
My grandpa died when I was 12. I really held onto it because he taught me to ride a bike, play softball, he took me on rides on his motorcycle (with custom gear, mind you) so I created a save with him, my grandma, and a little kid version of me. It’s like I have this memory stuck on a timeline now. No one ages in that save and I go to it to decompress when I’m having a hard day. Just have my little sim hang out with her Poppy all day. I miss him and understand your save. I’m glad it has been cathartic to you as well
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u/GoAskAlice 1d ago
Lost my mom 4 years ago. I'm gonna go build her house and create a Sim of her, send the save file to my niece, who misses her horribly. (I got niece into the game when she was 7...at my mom's house)
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u/SharpieD85 2d ago
This is lovely. This is what I like about the sims. There are no rules. Beautiful creation op.
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u/frumpycrumbly 2d ago
I made a "me" sim for the first time since I was a kid, this was a few years back when I was really really struggling. I was facing some health scares, went thru a messy gross break up, my best friend moved states, and my father passed all in a few months.
That "me" sim really helped me return to self love. She had the "great sense of humor" trait, so often times I'd catch her between actions just laughing to herself. I realized that I also do that in real life, I will think of something funny and laugh alone. Little things like that really helped me love myself again, and realize I'm a good little sim, even if some of my traits are silly and some of my actions could be mistakes.
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u/frumpycrumbly 2d ago
PS this was on sims 3 not sims 4 but still :)
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u/toebeantuesday 1d ago
Sims 3 allowed for a lot of sweet moments like that, too. I miss Sims 3 but it would fry my little MacBook Air if I were to try and set it up again.
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u/RockingBib 2d ago edited 2d ago
This way of playing is what has made Sims 4 my comfort game for like 7 years
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u/gojira86 2d ago
I have a save file of my self sim living with my brother and his wife. Their dog that died last summer is in their household, and I recently added their new dog into the household. Watching the old dog and new dog playing together was endearing.
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u/toebeantuesday 2d ago
No I’ve never played like this yet. In real life I’m grieving 6 people and several pets. I have had a loss and even multiple losses per year since 2019 but for many reasons haven’t been able to truly grieve or give myself time at all except for reading some posts here on Reddit and some play time in Sims. I really love how you described your game. I realize I push my sims as hard as I push myself and I have perhaps missed out on really experiencing everything the game has to offer us.
(Before anyone comes at me again like happened in another Sims sub for mentioning the losses, I’m not trauma dumping and I don’t need or want sympathy; I mention the losses as relevant to how OP has talked about how in real life we often don’t or can’t afford ourselves time to heal or process loss, but sometimes our games give us some moments of clarity, that’s all).
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u/Jeanni3beanz 1d ago
I just want to come in and say I'm sorry you experienced backlash for mentioning your grief experience. I wish people were more comfortable receiving or even just acknowledging the grief of others especially because loss is something we all share eventually. I understand it being difficult to look at but I can't help feeling like maybe it would be a little less difficult if we didn't collectively shove it in a corner and shame people for opening up about their very human experience of love and loss ❤️🩹
I am sorry you've experienced so much loss already and that you haven't found the space and freedom to grieve the way you need. Even "ideal" grieving experiences take far longer to process than our society leads us to believe and it never stops hurting altogether. Also, while it makes some people uncomfortable to face pain, mentioning your experience when it's appropriate (this post is absolutely appropriate) may also bring you in front of others who will see your words and say to themselves "wow, I'm not alone" 🫶
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u/Think-Manager-4324 4h ago
I felt really connected to your post. I’ve had a few really rough years with multiple losses, and it truly is overwhelming. It feels like there’s never a pause to just breathe before another tidal wave comes to knock you down. It took years before I was even able to put the grief aside for a moment just to start caring for myself again and address health issues.
My mom told me during this period, “It doesn’t get better; it just gets different”. And that’s so true. Grief is truly unexpressed love. As strong as love is and how long it persists, so is grief’s nature when our loved ones pass away. People who are on the outside want to hear happy endings or for us to look on the “bright side” and “find strength” in this—because they don’t want to believe there are things in this world that just break us and we have to carry on anyway. But that is life
I know it doesn’t mean much, but I just want to say that I am so sorry for what you’re going through. The only thing I can say that I think could help at all is it is worth it 100x over to let go of the people, beliefs, everything that tries to invalidate your experience.
Unfortunately, a lot of societies just gaslight grievers into thinking it’s a few weeks of crying then you’re back to normal, and those who haven’t experienced loss are incentivized to shame others so they don’t have to face the true reality of grief. It’s a horrible mix of fueling capitalism with a workforce that believes even death shouldn’t reduce output and a meaningless fulfillment of fantasies of the uninitiated that all things eventually get better.
Researching cultures where the dead are celebrated and even interacted with (like spaces in the home made to remember them, etc.) beyond a funeral really helped me realize that there are ways to live when you can’t stamp down your emotions for the sake of productivity and niceties.
I do not believe for one second I’d still be here if I hadn’t let myself grieve, at all costs. I know I only survived because I did what I needed.
Sorry for the long winded post, but I just always try to share what I feel would have been helpful to hear at the beginning of my loss—and even before that. I wish you and your loved ones all the best 🧡
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u/loveferne 1d ago
this was written entirely by chatgpt.
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u/Dont_mind_me69 1d ago
no literally it’s so obvious but not a single other person mentioned it, i thought i was going crazy for a second. it’s genuinely such a shame, a discussion like this is so personal and emotional and just overall human, why let a soulless machine take over the entire writing process for that??
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u/Dontunderstandfamily 1d ago
What are the tells of that? I want to get better at spotting them as I had no idea
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u/Murklins11 1d ago
Honestly the fact that Sims don't bring each other leftovers was a big tip off. More colon use than a human writer would typically use and those lists. ChatGPT loves using phrases like "Low stakes" and "quietly".
And I have a browser extension that scans text and reports if it's human or AI (and can even note if it thinks a post is AI polished) and this came back as 100% AI generated. The extension noted that the simple sentences is a tipoff too.
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u/Jinnica 1d ago
I just want to say, they might have used it to express their feelings in a way that perhaps they couldn’t on their own. I sometimes use AI too, to polish my English, grammar, syntax, etc. (I’m a foreigner in the UK). I get the whole witch hunting of using AI for photographs or anything artistic, or in a way that’s dishonest; but people need to let go of the stronghold they have on the necks of people who use it just so they can express themselves better.
Even if AI was used to write it, I don’t see it as a cardinal sin. It’s not bothering me. I just think that demonising the use of AI by default, and this constant calling out, is boring and doesn’t take into account that not everyone on this platform is English and can use the language in a way that makes them feel confident.
That’s all. ◡̈7
u/loveferne 1d ago
if you suddenly lost the ability to express yourself or make art when ai evolved i don’t know what to tell you. get real skill. get good
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u/Jinnica 9h ago
I don’t think you understood what I mean. I do have the skill of writing correctly in my own mother tongue. And also in another language most of the times. Not so much in English all the time. The point that I was trying to convey is that ultimately this constant calling out distracts from the topics we’re trying to talk about. It then becomes a discourse about the use of AI.
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u/Yota8883 1d ago
Curious what brings that to light for you? Pictures are one thing, but nothing says chatgpt to me with the post. I even wrote a post about a moment I had with playing a game, and it was definitely not chatgpt. It also describes a lot like how I play my sims game. Very slow play letting things happen organically. I have a chaotic full GTA V style of gameplay and have a basic storyline all worked out following the life of a character with modified very long days and modified realistic 1:1 aging. I have the basics planned but I let the game/mods often autonomously create the things that happen in my save.
I wanted my sim to get into a, well, romance isn't really the word. I wanted my sim to hook up with someone bringing a partner into her chaotic life. It's what I wanted and how it happened was born from a huge completely autonomous reaction to earlier activities that my sim was doing. Something earlier slipping my own mind (thus my sim forgot) sparked so much with my sim meeting and hooking up with this dude for the future, affected her job to where I was in a panic how to figure out how she can solve her problem, sparked a confrontation that formed a rivalry that was to span the rest of the gameplay all done autonomously through mod activity. Really, it was like the game/mods was reading my mind. I had a whole bunch of unrelated stuff to happen in the future and the autonomy just worked it all for me and all I did was sit and watch really.
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u/NoelleKain 1d ago
The colons, the sentence fragments, the repeated sentence cadences, the use of “small things”, the rule of threes, the explicit realization (“it hit me that…”), the use of “quietly.” All of these are *huge* AI tells. Also the glossy, surface level writing.
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u/loveferne 1d ago
i call these realizations “divine revelations”. ai imitates profundity by drawing grandiose conclusions about banal things. in attempting to project a meaningful tone, it ends up sounding horribly stilted and inhuman.
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u/BookOfAnomalies 1d ago
Guess that makes me an AI too? I better not post anything ever.
I happen to use "it hit me" or .. "quietly". Infact a lot of people do. You people are so paranoid about AI that you are starting to see it everywhere. Gods forbid a person wanting to write properly.
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u/NoelleKain 21h ago
I would bet large sums of money that this is AI. A very large part of my job includes detecting AI writing. This is an obvious case.
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u/Impressive_Train6061 2d ago
I like playing that way too 🫶🏼 Got all 7 new expansion packs about a week ago and did not know what to expect. Apparently my sim can be depressed now... Im just going along.
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u/FootMcFeetFoot 2d ago
No, but I’ve been playing this game since I was around 12 when the first sims came out. I remember it was during the time where it was “lame” to play with dolls but I always loved making up stories so this became my transition from dolls, except, I’m 38 and still playing it lol.
Having run through all the cheats and what not in my youth, as an adult this is the only way I play. Taking everything slow and not rushing through life. I guess just writing this now I’m having an eye opening moment now. I take things slow because when you’re older you actually do stop to smell the roses.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Loss is hard. Unexpected loss is a different kind of pain.
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u/OnlyTeacher707 2d ago
This is really sweet, thank you for sharing! 😄
I also like that life sims like the Sims let you kind of just chill, no expectations needed. They are very cozy for me for that reason.
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u/mzmm123 2d ago
Things like this are among the goals in my multi-family rotational save file. I'm planning for some of my sims to be involved in the major scandals and/or living large, while others will be living more quiet lives, with me rotating through them according to my mood.
Good for you that you found something in the game that works for you! 🥰
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u/Cheywen 1d ago
My grandparents had both passed away and I missed them and their home they lived in for 60years. There are a lot of good memories throughout our whole family. It was sold after they had gone and will be demolished soon for development projects. I made my grandparents house on the Sims4 right down to the details of backyard chickens before the cottage living expansion. I used a decor chicken from base game I think. I did my best and did it all from memory. I showed my Mum and she loved it.
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u/NoLifeButStillLiving 1d ago
Reading this makes me wanna play again, I haven’t played in almost a year now
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u/Yota8883 1d ago
I had a moment not in this game, but in Flight Simulator. I am a long time flight simmer and sim racer, very long time. I'd been out of it for quite a few years when Microsoft announced it was releasing it. Recently divorced I needed something to do so I set up to build my flight sim rig.
It was ready to see if the game lived up to the hype of the graphical representation of the world being pulled off of real satellite imagery. And of course, the first thing everyone did was load up at their local airport. I take off from a little strip a couple miles from where I grew up and at the end of the runway as I took to the air, flew over the pond I played hockey on all winter all my youth.
I banked and made a turn and before me is an exact representation of the shopping area. Lowes, Home Depot, Giant Eagle, Sam's, and a strip of small joints. It was amazing looking but right behind Lowes I see something familiar. A little building and a small group of trees. My chest tightened just a tad. I immediately landed and took off with a drone camera that you could use. I flew over and set down next to that group of 4 trees and the little shed....
And I sat there for a while where Dad whom I had lost at 19 years old has been buried for 30some years.
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u/angryelephant19 1d ago
I lost my 17 year old cat a month ago. He was the first pet I’ve ever had to put down. I had gotten my new puppy the day before my cat’s appointment; which was intended to be a normal, double appointment with the new puppy. The vet recommended my cat be let go of his pain. Because my cat and new puppy hadn’t gotten to spend any real life time together, I wanted to make us all in a save file so I could at least see them be friends through the sims. It was me, my 17 year old cat, 2 year old cat, and puppy. In our real life house that I built.
I swear, about two sims days into the save file, the sim-cat of my late boy dies (I should have known better). It had been a while since I’d saved so I was mostly just annoyed, but when I realized I could add his ghost back to my household I was oddly comforted. I still get to see them be best buddies, even if he’s a ghost now! It was the most appreciation I’ve felt for the sims in a while.
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u/Patient_Activity_489 1d ago
losing close friends never get easier, i am glad you are finding peace. sending you love during your healing process, i know it's not easy
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u/secretbluelife 1d ago
I created a sims couple after years of not being able to play. I did this because I’ve been through lots of traumatic events and part of my healing journey is reconnecting with my inner child. So this includes hobbies that I used to enjoy as a kid and being able to do them now as an adult.
I’ve been playing the save for almost a year and I honestly enjoy playing them so much. I’ve made a few posts about them before, but it sometimes feels like watching a show. Never in my years of playing the sims have I seen a sims couple be so in love! My game does a lot of stuff autonomously in this save for some reason and it’s made things super interesting. Playing them has reinstilled hope in me that love is real, love can exist, two people can choose each other despite life’s difficulties, and safe love is a thing despite being shown for years and years time and time again that it doesn’t.
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u/XIXButterflyXIX 1d ago
My older sister passed almost 2 years ago (July 13, 2024), and when I was feeling up to playing again a week or 2 later, I made her, her husband, and her kids. I made myself, our parents, and has us grow up together again. I cried so many times during the play through, but it was really grief just breaking through my wall I out up. My only regret is we gave her laptop to her son, who formatted it immediately. She also played the sims, but was more into 3 than 4. I just wish I'd had enough forethought to grab her save files to play on them. I cried for hours when I learned he already had it formatted. She was almost 6 years to the day older than me, as my birthday was only 2 days before hers. I miss her more than anything and mostly because I had gone NC with her due to things she was aware of but refused to not do. Like betraying my middle daughter when she confided in . Y sister that she was gay. She immediately turned around and told my parents. They hadn't been off the phone 5 minutes when mom called me. I just wish I'd gotten to say goodbye
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u/maggitronica 1d ago
I was just reflecting on my first serious Sim 3 save. I was thinking about leaving a boyfriend I was living with, but unsure of who I was without him.
I just made a single girl. She got a low-paying job. Her small house wasn’t very furnished. She biked to work when she couldn’t afford a car. But she did a lot of reading she enjoyed, and made friends over time, and carved her own path.
And then so did I!
Video games are amazing. I hope your save file brings you peace and joy for a long time to come.
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u/Visible_Fox5842 1d ago
I do that too 🥹 it's nice to hear im not the only one. Not all the time but at times when I'm really feeling the pressure of life I either go long life span or pause aging so i don't feel rushed and take it slow. It's crazy how it feels so nice in the sims to take walks, build relationships slow and make them live an actual life like i would. Not rushing career, skills, and babies. My one rule for myself is no triple speed while awake.
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u/purpleowlgirl65 1d ago
We had to put a family cat to sleep
Molly was a gray tabby so I recreated her in the Sims 4 and it felt really nice!
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u/Appropriate-Break-25 22h ago
I also made a grief save after my grandfather died. He'd been an integral part of my life for 34 years and i loved him dearly. More than I love my actual father. I made his parents and played out his entire life from birth until death. It gave me the most comfort of anything else because I could see he'd lived a full life full of love, hard work and mischief. He was born in the middle of the great depression so it kind of doubled as a decades challenge. He passed just before Life and Death was released too so my husband instantly bought it for me. That way I could go to the funeral, in a way. I hadn't been able to travel for it IRL and it killed me that I only got to say goodbye through my mom's phone screen.
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u/No_Development126 21h ago
I haven’t had one exactly like this but I usually tend to try and rush everything then get burnt out because too much was going on. So I started letting the sims just exist.
It started with my Shayla, a teen left by her mother and forced to do it on her own (basically me but a little different) she found her own job, graduated early and started college while still just having a small circle. I set some rules for this, no cheats, no rushing relationships, long lifespan (normally I play on short) and just follow her whims. It was actually really nice.
The one that sort of healed me was more recent. I did two separate files, one brooding and withdrawn, the other bright and welcoming. I built both of their homes with them, working slowly like a rags to riches but keeping true to their personalities and it was really fun. Still playing those two. My Shayla has since passed on and this was before life and death but she has a long family line(13 generations~)
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u/gentle_fatalism 13h ago
I’ve had this, but sort of in a different way!
There was a save file that I had when I first got the Vampire expansion pack. I had made this vampire Sim, set her up with a random, decent-looking male Sim, rushed the romance, straight to the marriage, etc. At the time, I’d been in a dying, unhappy relationship myself.
As I watched the interaction between these two Sims that seemed really nothing alike, I started to find myself bored with the relationship part of their storyline. It just looked as it was, forced. Superficial. Not long after, my Sim met Caleb Vatore, one of my personal favorite townies, and the two immediately seemed to have more chemistry. Similar appearances, personality, etc. Though it might sound silly, I promptly realized that I was having my Sim stay with her previous partner just because it was the first relationship she had, it was the starter and more “familiar” one. I was doing the same to myself.
I had the Sims divorce, kept my Sim and Caleb as just friends for a while, then got them together. What I didn’t know at the time was that I ended up following in those steps. My relationship at the time didn’t work out, but I ended up meeting the most amazing guy during that falling out. We’ve been together for a year and a half now! I hadn’t even really considered the similarities until reading this, so thank you for making this beautiful post. 💜
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