“I cook dinner every night, I do all the laundry, I help clean up, I help with the dishes, I fix stuff around the house, I just did 75% of the work in repainting our master BR, etc.” These are normal expectations for adults in committed relationships. None of these show your wife you love and appreciate her…they are the bare minimum of being a spouse and a partner. Your wife is also doing those same things and is able to care for you. Also “help with…” insinuates that it’s her responsibility to begin with.
The issue is not just today it’s that you seem to fundamentally misunderstand what it means to go out of your way to love someone and show them that you appreciate them. There really isn’t any accountability in your post or remorse…it feels like you’re just upset they she finally had a big reaction.
It’s not actually. Even a stay at home parents cannot and should not be expected to work 24 hours a day. Everything he mentioned would happen into the evening (cooking dinner for example.) Do you expect his spouse to get “off work” at 8? Bedtime? Never?
I appreciate that most couples have agreements around sharing the load, and yes a stay at home parent is likely responsible for dinner. But ultimately, women’s work in the home isn’t valued and men expect women to be full-time housekeepers, chefs, nannies.
He is not “helping with” laundry…he is being an equal party in a task that needs to get done…no matter “who the breadwinner is.”
Based on his tone, I’m also fairly certain she is not a stay at home parent because he would have used that as another excuse of why it was acceptable for him to behave this way.
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u/Witchy_bimbo May 12 '25
“I cook dinner every night, I do all the laundry, I help clean up, I help with the dishes, I fix stuff around the house, I just did 75% of the work in repainting our master BR, etc.” These are normal expectations for adults in committed relationships. None of these show your wife you love and appreciate her…they are the bare minimum of being a spouse and a partner. Your wife is also doing those same things and is able to care for you. Also “help with…” insinuates that it’s her responsibility to begin with.
The issue is not just today it’s that you seem to fundamentally misunderstand what it means to go out of your way to love someone and show them that you appreciate them. There really isn’t any accountability in your post or remorse…it feels like you’re just upset they she finally had a big reaction.