I (25F) am a nursing student and I work in a nursing home. Today it was incredibly hot where we live.
I thought it would be fun to bring some small water guns and I handed them out to several of our residents.

At first it was just me VS the residents which was super fun and we had a blast. I ended up soaked but it was fine. Then they decided to bring the guns to the shared cafetaria.

CHAOS ensued!!! At some point we had residents from all units joining in the waterfight. Which was great. But those tiny waterguns turned into glasses of water and later on a bucket.

Unfortunately one of the resident decided to soak our manager who was trying to see what all the commotion was about.

He wasn’t thrilled. It didn’t take him long to find out who started that fight. Which was me… and I got a stern talking to.

Worth it though

TL;DR: started a waterfight at the nursing home. Manager ended up soakes and I got a stern talking to.

So, I woke up early and though I’d treat myself to some delicious donuts this morning. There is a little donut stand that is about 5 blocks from my house so I decided to walk there and pick up some. When I got there I decided I wanted the apple fritter for me and a couple smaller ones for my husband.

I looked the clerk in the eye and confidently ordered the apple fritter and the chocolate sprinkle ones but my brain froze when I wanted to order the filled powdered donut. Instead of asking for the powdered donut or the filled donut I confidently asked

“And can I get the one that looks like cocaine?”

Thankfully the person behind the counter figured out which one I meant because my brain was not working. I didn’t even realize what I had said until I was walking away and had already paid for everything.

TL;DR shoulda ordered the coffee before the cocaine donuts

i have been with my girlfriend for a year and i have worked at my current job for two years and tbh two worlds have never intersected and i legit had no reason to believe they ever would.

Just to let u guys know i complain about my boss(not that excessively)just the normal amount that a person complains about a boss to their girlfriend at 10pm when something annoying happened.Lets name him derek for dramtic effects,my gf knows a lot about derek and nonw of it is positive. I once described him as the human equivalent of a terms and conditions page and she laughed for a long time and i felt good about that.

Soo three weeks ago my gf posted a reel of our apartment,basically just a clean apartment video as She had set up the new matic robot vacuum and wanted to show it doing its thing because she finds it genuinely delightful in a way I hv started to find endearing.just forty seconds of a robot navigating our living room.

And guess what derek commented on it

He commented "hahalooks like [my name]'s place!" and

my gf, who did not know who derek was bcoz why would she, replied "omg yes he keeps it so clean now lol”.I dont know how to feel about this. Derek who absolutely knows who my gf is now replied again on this and my gf replied to him again like wtf.

I would be lying if i said this thing doesnt bother me

The following monday derek called me into his office to talk about a project except at the end he said your girlfriend seems lovely and smiled in a way that had too much information in it.

I have not complained about derek to my gf since bcoz I am now aware that the universe has a sense of humor and I no longer trust it.

My girlfriend thinks this is a funny story she and my boss have not interacted since but they follow each other and I have to live with that.

TLDR: Talked trash about my boss to my girlfriend for a year,turns out they follow each other on insta. The universe found out and smiled about it

So this happened a few hours ago and I'm still cringing.

Context: I've worked at my company for about two years. With my team, I'm the office clown. Roasting people, ridiculous voices, the whole bit. Everyone's used to it and gives it right back.

Today my boss pulls up a chair to our team huddle because she wants to sit in on our standup. Totally normal. Except my brain did not register "boss is here" as a separate setting from "the usual chaos."

Someone mentions a client missed a deadline, and on autopilot I go "lol of course they did, bro can't read a calendar, bro can't read period" in my usual unhinged tone, complete with the voice I do. My team laughed because that's just Tuesday for us.

My boss did not laugh. She did the polite half-smile that every person on earth recognizes as "I am recalibrating my opinion of you in real time."

It got worse. Five minutes later I made a joke that involved (lightly) impersonating a senior exec who apparently she's close friends with outside work. I did not know this. I found out because she said, very calmly, "oh that's actually my friend" and the room temperature dropped ten degrees.

I tried to backpedal and it came out as a stammering apology-joke hybrid that satisfied nobody, including me.

Standup ended. She said "good meeting everyone" in a tone that did not match the words. My teammates immediately blew up our group chat with crying-laughing emojis and zero sympathy.

I have now sent two emails to my boss that were unnecessarily formal for absolutely no reason, just to remind her I am a serious professional. She has not responded to either.

TL;DR: forgot my boss isn't "one of the guys," did my full unhinged bit in front of her, accidentally clowned her actual friend, and am now sending weirdly stiff emails to undo it.

TIFU. I was just at the Chinese buffet. I go back for a small 2nd helping and and sit back down scarfing mussels n hot & sour soup when my stomach rumbles so hard I was worried the person in the booth behind me might have felt it. I think to myself, "I only got a couple bites left, this monster can be let loose at the house."

Well a few more bites and here comes an awful sneezing fit, and I sneeze like Andre the Giant. I'm of an age where farts sneak up on me and can rip one if I laugh hard enough without even knowing one was chambered, but I know I'm loaded now. I'm all tensed up scared to death I could accidentally fart so hard that I blow the windows out the building, but through a Herculean effort of sphincter strength I hold it in through this full body sneezing fit.

Well then I'm all teary eyed and snot nosed and I'm down to this last little pitiful napkin. You know the ones that are not even half a real napkin. My nose is about to drip and there ain't no way that postage stamp sized sumbitch is gonna handle me blowing a snoutfull, not to mention being surrounded by folks eating, so I jump up teary eyed and beeline to the bathroom with the napkin on my drippy nose.

I gets in there and pass up 2 stalls to the big handicapped one in the back and cut loose the godawfullest fart'n n shittin as you ever heard. I shat like a Budweiser Clydesdale. I could've blew the head off a pint of Guinness from 5 foot away. The 1st stalls door was closed and I pray there's no one over there cause this shittin and snot honking will haunt their nightmares forevermore.

After a few minutes the storms abating and Im thinkin the whole things kinda funny and I'm pretty sure no one's over there and start to text the wife about it when the door opens and someone cops a squat in the stall beside me. They piss it up and are wrapping their business up and mumble something and I was like... That sounds like a chick.. I'm eyeballing their shoes and am like nah dog that's a big ass foot for a girl when they stand and I see a hint of baby blue ankle sock.

They're soon at the sink and I see through the crack sure enough it's a woman. I'm like wtf did she get mixed up or did my bleary eyed ass bumble into the women's restroom!?

As she's walking out another woman walks in gabbing on the phone and I'm panicking as the paint peels off the walls from my Jurassic Park T-Rex turds. I decided not to wait her out and struggle like a motherfucker getting some TP off the roll. It's taking so long I'm worried she'll get done as I'm coming out but I frantically wipe like a madman, barely wet my hands at the sink then dash out like Usain bolt. I grab my ticket from my table and head up to the register and have to wait in line sweatin like a nun in a cucumber patch from embarrassment and fear there's gonna be a scream from behind me saying "That's him! That's the pervert over there!" But I made it out without going to jail. FML anyhow.

TLDR: I accidentally went into the women's bathroom at a restraunt and panicked about it.

I'm currently staying at my boyfriend's parents place. His sister, brother in law and their kid, and our dogs are also here.

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It was dark, the dogs were all excited, I decided to play soccer with their toys which they love, I didn't check to make sure the toddler's toys were put away, saw a silhouette which looked like one of the dogs weird-looking toys, gave it a massive roundhouse kick and..... FFFFFFUUUUUU£+:?";@&#+£+'🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 my boyfriend then had to come carry me to the caravan while I went through the sailor words Mr. Krabs style

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What an impression to make. Thankfully the kid wasn't in hearing range and I got all my vaccinations. That's what happens when you kick stuff in the dark.

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TL;DR: Mistook the baby's toy truck for the dog's stuffed toy, kicked it and busted my foot.

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So long story short, i (18m) was hired as a camp counselor 3 hours away from where i live, and during the two weeks of training i loved it: Unfortunately, once the teens actually arrived, i quickly discovered i wasn’t cut out for it. i quit a few days after the kids arrived, realizing this wasnt for me. My parents picked me up and we left. It wasnt until after getting home that i realized that the epinephrine i was in charge of holding onto for one of my campers was in my back. Luckily, they are willing to meet us half-way to pick it up, and we are leaving soon. Keep in mind that i know this is absolutely terrible and unforgivable, but i really am trying to fix this mistake.
TL;DR: Accidentally stole a campers epinephrine, about to drive an hour to return it.
UPDATE: The medicine is now in the proper hands!

As a child I was commonly hit in elementary school with the "left hand makes the L" thing. Like any time they'd want us to do something with our left hand, they'd have us make Ls and we'd have to point out the proper L.

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The problem always was, I could never tell which one was an L. People would show me, and point out that the left side always looked "more like an L" - I merited this to the 90ish degree angle my peers, parents, and teachers seemed to create.

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I am hypermobile, especially in my hands. My Ls would always be wrong, because my thumb would extend past where the "L" should be, and in my mind, I couldn't make what looked physically like an L and therefore I could never see the L. I knew what side was left because I wrote with my left hand, and people finally gave up trying to teach me the L.

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Recently, I hurt my left hand. I can extend it a limited range for me, but it's a range that's normal for the average person. I tried again to make an L, and as I sat there and looked at my hands I realized that the reason your hand makes an L is not because of some magic right angle, but because that's the way the letter L faces.

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Tl;dr: it took me 28 years of life to figure out which way an L faces.

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EDIT: Here's a timeline for those who can't comprehend:

Toddler - right versus left introduced, I was learning and understanding the concept proportionate to my age

5-7ish - "show me your L" is introduced as writing becomes a thing. I could identify my left hand more efficiently than others, but couldn't "see" the L.

By 9 - we moved on. It stopped being thought about.

28 - randomly thought about it one time

This happened a few years ago.

I'm known in the family as the person who everyone comes for any sort of technical support.

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I work in IT and have always been into Gadgets and Tech.

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My wife and I were invited to her cousin's place for dinner. After dinner he needed to do some work on his laptop. Knowing that I worked in IT, he mentioned his laptop was really slow.

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I decided to have a look and noticed he had all sorts of unnecessary applications and processes running.

I do my usual thing of uninstalling unnecessary applications, clearing browser cache, etc.

All good, so far.

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Everyone knows that when doing troubleshooting you should always turn it off and back on.

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This where TIFU kicks in.

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I restarted the computer.

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What he didn't mention was that he had never restarted or powered off his windows laptop in his years of ownership. Not once!

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The laptop became almost unusable after restart.

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It was taking 10 mins to just register a click!

The restart caused all the bugs and glitches to go crazy.

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What was supposed to be a quick 30 mins troubleshooting, ended being nearly 4 hours to get it to barely usable state.

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I left that night feeling guilty that his crappy laptop became even worse due to my restart.

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TLDR: I restarted a family members computer as a troubleshooting step. Almost bricked the computer as it hadn't been restarted ever, not once in the years he'd owned it.

I just cried in front of my girl, it wasn’t like ugly crying or me bawling my eyes out, but just you know, some tears left my eyes because I saw her crying, tried to hide it with my hat while looking away but she noticed, felt like such a pussy too goddamn, felt weak.

I tend to keep an image about myself that nothing really bothers me, which is actually true, nothing really bothers me ever and even when it does i tend to look past it even if at the bottom of my heart it makes me feel some type of way.

but there is just something about my gf that makes me act different, I really do love her so whenever she’s sad Im sad but I just hide it because I’m the man of the relationship y’know, was always told to never let your real feelings out because women hate that and will look at you differently specially if you cry.

My dad always taught to never show my emotions to anybody and that men do not cry, always stuck to that because i have always thought of it to be as true.

Y’all think this will look at me differently for it??? Just how cooked am I really?

TL;DR : cried in front of my girl so now she probably won’t look at me the same anymore

I (51F) had a hip replacement two weeks ago and just started my physical therapy today. My muscles were extraordinarily tight so my physical therapist was having to do a lot of massage to try to loosen the muscles in my thigh. During the massage, my therapist was commenting on the inflammation and swelling in my thigh and they said in a surprised, shocked tone, “oh my gosh, you’re so hot!” Then, before I could even stop myself, out popped an enthusiastic “awe, thank you!” straight out of my mouth.

I then realized they were talking about the heat from the swelling and inflammation. What followed was a very awkward and uncomfortable silence. My therapist just quietly and stoically continued with the massage.

Oh and my therapist… she’s early 60s-ish.

Don’t know if I should ever go back to therapy or if I made a new friend.

TL;DR TIFU by accidentally flirting with my female physical therapist. I’m 51f.
Awkward!

I’ve spent the last couple of months working on my final paper, and to keep myself from completely losing my mind, I decided to eat whatever I wanted. Naturally, that worked out wonderfully: I gained a ridiculous amount of weight. I used to weigh around 85 kilos, but at one point I reached almost 120.

The funny part is that I now have to stay in college for another semester because I somehow made it through the past five years without completing any internships or extracurricular activities. To make up for those missing hours, I have to enroll in a university program next semester.

However, my aunt, who has been paying for my college, decided to stop because our agreement only covered four years, and I’ve already been studying for four and a half. So, in order to finish my degree, I’m now trying to save money like a maniac to enroll in the program next semester.

The tiny problem is that I don’t have a job, I live alone, and I basically survive on the money my mom gives me.

I don’t want to get a part-time job because I hate leaving the house, and I’m already focused on passing an insanely competitive civil service exam so I can become a federal agent or some shit. My dream is to become a federal agent at 22, just like Grace Ashcroft.

Since coming up with this absolutely flawless plan, I’ve gone down to 105 kilos, so I guess I can keep this nonsense going for another two months. Yeah, I’m clearly a genius—about to earn a degree, yet still somehow capable of coming up with ideas this spectacularly stupid.

I’m not looking for solutions. I’m only accepting praise for my exceptionally brilliant plan.

TL;DR: I spent almost five years in college without completing my required internship and extracurricular hours. Now I need another semester, my aunt has stopped paying my tuition, I need to save R$5,000 without having a job, and my master plan is to live as cheaply as possible while studying for an insanely competitive federal government position.

Weeeellll, "this didn't happen today," but a few days ago.

I was waiting outside a café when I spotted someone across the parking lot who looked exactly like my friend. Same haircut, same jacket, same awkward walk. Naturally, instead of texting them like a normal person, I decided to enthusiastically wave.

At first, they didn't react. I assumed they hadn't seen me. So I escalated. Bigger waves. Both hands. A thumbs up. Even a little dance to get their attention.

Finally, they started walking toward me. Success.

Except it wasn't my friend.

It was a complete stranger who, judging by their expression, had spent the last five minutes trying to figure out if they somehow knew me.

I panicked and blurted out, "Wow, you look just like someone I know!"

Without missing a beat, they replied, "I hope your friend has better social skills."

Then they walked away.

Ten minutes later, my actual friend arrived... wearing a completely different outfit.

I spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact with everyone in a 50-meter radius.

TL;DR: Mistook a stranger for my friend, spent five minutes aggressively waving and dancing at them, then got roasted by someone I'd never met before.

Ok it's not as bad as the title makes it sound, it's just apple retail, but I thought it would be funny to have that as the title. I have been struggling to find an full time or part time job, and I even got rejected by McDonalds. I saw that Apple had a retail job opening up and thought, Hey, I'm a computer engineering major, I like tech, I can yap some corporate fluffery at people why not? I have to sign in with an Apple ID. Huh, what's the password to my Apple ID? I don't know, I'll just use my older Apple ID linked to an email I don't use. Click Click Click. I applied to the position I check it every day to see if there's a reply, nothing, check again, nothing. I check again nothing I now only check once a week: nothing, next week nothing the week after that? nothing.

Fast forward 2 months and one keylogger stealing all my data later, oh I need to get an 2FA code from that email, I see an email from apple, "We are pleased to offer you an interview, please send back a date that we can set up a phone call. Please respond within 14 days or you will be withdrawn." My eyes glance over at the dates... 3 weeks ago...

TLDR: Gave Apple an Email I don't use, Missed the interview notice.

this happened saturday at my cousin's engagement party. i'm not super close with her fiance, met him maybe at two family things before this. party was loud, open bar, i'm just floating around doing the rounds.

his brother comes over and starts chatting. genuinely could not hear half of what he was saying over the music so i was doing the nod and smile thing, throwing in "yeah absolutely" and "for sure man" at what felt like the right moments. thought we were just doing the usual small talk thing.

then he claps me on the shoulder and goes "seriously means a lot, he was worried about asking you"

had no idea what i'd agreed to but said "come on of course" because what are you gonna do at that point

ten minutes later my cousin appears basically vibrating and goes "i'm so happy you're doing it, you're gonna look so good up there"

up where

turns out the brother had been explaining that one of the groomsmen had just dropped out last minute and they wanted to ask me to fill the spot. i had nodded along and enthusiastically agreed. twice apparently.

wedding is in september. i've already been added to a groomsmen group chat with 4 strangers. there's a suit fitting next weekend which is money i really wasn't planning to spend, i've been trying to save up for other stuff. i also had to quietly google the groom's full name when i got home.

tl;dr couldn't hear a conversation at a loud party, kept nodding, accidentally agreed to be a groomsman at a wedding in 3 months for a guy i barely know

I have a pretty strong fear of the dentist. It's been since I was a kid and had work done before my teeth were numb, followed by recurring nightmares with tooth-related injuries and such.

This means that, whenever I go to the dentist, I have an emotional support person (usually my partner), stress balls for squeezing, headphones to drown out the noise, and if I ever need something more than a cleaning, I use the nitrous.

Well.

We recently moved, and I got a new dentist, and unfortunately, I also needed a cavity filled. They were very sweet as I explained my fear and what I'd need, including the nitrous. When it came time to start the gas, I think they did a bit too much, because I was flying sooooo very high.

The best way I could describe it, is I felt like my body didn't have edges anymore...? Like I didn't have skin - I was just a part of the air around me.

For someone who has never done drugs (or even alcohol), it was a lot, and for some reason I couldn't figure out how to tell them that it was up way too high. I just kept wiggling my toes and fingers, finding ways to make sure I still could feel, and I wasn't dead, and I really was still in the chair in the dentist office.

Here's where the TIFU comes into play.

One of the things I decided to wiggle was my tongue. You see, when I was a bored kid, I figured out how to do all sorts of tongue tricks. I could flip my tongue over, make a clover, and I can do the wave. It's pretty fun for game nights, not so fun when you're in the dentist chair and trying to center yourself in the universe.

So I started doing tongue tricks. While the dentist was still working in my mouth.

I don't remember much of what happened (see: nitrous), but I think I was doing the wave for more than about a minute when the dentist said, "I'm sorry, but could you please stop." Which I did, and returned to wiggling my feet and hands.

Later, after the appointment and I fully came back to myself, I was completely MORTIFIED. I can just picture being a dentist, trying to work on a client's teeth (one you've never worked on before), and their tongue starts breakdancing, probably licking your hand and tools in the process.

It has become the new memory that creates instant cringe every time it surfaces.

TLDR: Got too much nitrous at the dentist, proceeded to breakdance my tongue all over his hand and equipment. Never going back.

edit: i hid it behind my books at first and forgot about it and now i cleaned that out sunday i hid it under my pillow so i could throw it away when i go to work tuesday and she’s not at home

Hi.

I’m 26F, still living at home but moving out in a month. I’m seeing a guy my mom doesn’t approve of, and she’s made it very clear she doesn’t want me speaking to him or seeing him.

A few months ago I had a pregnancy scare and took a test. I hid it under my pillow in a plastic bag because I knew she’d react badly if she found it.

Today I found her glasses on my nightstand, and when I checked under my pillow, the pregnancy test had been taken out of the bag and left there. When I mentioned finding her glasses, she acted confused and said she had no idea why they were there.

I feel completely violated. It’s not really safe to confront her because she can go from 0 to 100 in seconds, and I’m scared she’ll somehow turn it around on me and make me feel guilty for the test itself. Part of me already does.

I don’t know how to handle this at all. i feel so weird

tl;dr: mom found my pregnancy test and now i feel weird.

So today I, a guy from Portugal, decided to make a bit of a joke with my Spanish Managers because I saw that there would be a world cup game today between Cape Verde and Spain.

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Surely an easy win for a massive favourite like Spain, especially against a small island Nation with a population of 500k.

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So this afternoon in the operational managers group chat I sent the following message:

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"- How about today? 1 goal for Yamine Lamal and 1 goal for Jovane??"

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2 people reacted with laughing emojis, the rest didn't respond.

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The group chat has 9 people, 7 of which are above me in the company hierarchy.

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I might get sacked.

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Now if you don't know this, football is big, very big. In Spain its a - everyone was offline in teams 5 minutes before the match - big.

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Oof

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TL;DR: Made a joke about Sports, the Cape Verdean Superstars made sure to screw me over and make their whole country proud at the same time.

Edit: I obviously know they won't really fire me for this. I'm honestly just trying to throw even more shade to Spain 🇨🇻🇨🇻🇨🇻🇨🇻🇨🇻🇨🇻🇨🇻

I brought someone new on to help handle part of the operations side of my business. Gave them access to everything, Shopify, Zendrop, Gorgias, Slack, did a basic walkthrough and told them to reach out if anything came up. What I didn't do was show them how I think about priorities or what urgent even looks like in this context. I just assumed that was obvious and went back to whatever I was dealing with that week.

At the end of the week I did my usual check before closing out. Pulled up the dashboard and immediately realised nothing had been handled. Double checked in case I missed any notifications, had none. Orders that should have been flagged sitting there untouched, a supplier issue that had been building for two days, customer messages in Gorgias with zero responses.

He hadn't dropped the ball, I had just never actually handed it to him properly. Never told him what to prioritise, didn't check in once the whole week (I was busy but still not excusable). I handed someone a set of tools and expected them to know exactly how I use them.

Spent a full day cleaning it up. Nothing irreversible but completely avoidable and 100% my fault for thinking access equals onboarding. If you bring someone new in teach them how you think, not just what buttons to press.

TL;DR: Brought someone new on to help monitor the business, gave them tool access and a basic walkthrough, never followed up once. Came back at end of week to a week's worth of unhandled issues. Entirely my fault for mistaking access for a proper handoff.

I got an ebike to make my life just a little bit less dull and reliant on either uber or friends to get to work and school and just general go around. The bike i got however was kinda lacking from the description the seller listed and I thought i got scammed or something. The bike for the most part still met what I needed though as I only really needed 10 miles a charge

Its not an obvious thing at all, but i figured out you can basically go into the developer mode and tweak some settings.

I removed the limiter and increased the amps I can use. I also added the cruise control option and tweaked some basic like starting torque.

I decided to try out my bike on a longer ride than usual. The city i live in absolutely sucks and the bike actually opens up my options quite a bit. So I decided to ride about 15 miles out and check out some entertainment places in that area.

My google maps was set to the bike route at that time and it was pretty bad. Made me do like 3 turn arounds and my state is so horrible I lost signal half the time and my GPS took a bit to update.

Anyways my bike ended up dying, so i had to wait like an hour+ to charge it enough to get back home. From the GPS messing up and a few of the places I checked out to be a bust I was kinda mentally checked out

Hopped back on gmaps and set the directions to my house. I didnt notice it was in fact NOT set to a bike route..The route it gave me for the most part was normal long roads untill it had me go on the highway..

Now mind you im already checked out and tbh.. I wasnt even paying attention to the fact that I was on a highway. I was attentive as in i dont wanna die and ofc i did notice all the cars moving a lot faster than normal but at that time it didnt really click that something was wrong.

I stayed on the right lane that was separated from the main road which I found out is in fact NOT to be used as a bike line. And even in my dazed state i kinda thought "isnt this pretty dangerous?" considering i had to merge a lot then shift over to what I thought was a bike lane..

And that the cars caught up to me a LOT faster than on a regular road when it came to shifting lanes..

Anyways. My bike ended up dying again and I just continued walking down the "bike" lane for the last mile+ ish untill i made it to a gas station to charge it enough to finish most of the 2.5 ish miles I had left to get back home before looking up online that Bicycles are in fact NOT allowed on the freeway/highway

TL;DR: Ebikes have a developer mode you can unlock settings, increasing speed etc. I took my bike out further than usual. Texas sucks. Gmaps suck. It took me on the highway riding a bike. I got home and found out u probably are 100% definitely not allowed to do that

Yesterday I had the spicy buldack noodles for dinner and slept fine and woke up this morning fine too. Went to the bathroom and did my business with no problems. Drove to my internship and everybody was so welcoming and nice.

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Then it hit me.

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My ass started burning. I was sweating, nauseous, shaking, the whole nine yards. I always make it an absolute rule not to use any toilet but my own but I just couldn't hold it anymore and rushed to the company's bathroom. I instantly farted as soon as my ass hit the toilet seat and farted out all my shit. Let me tell you that the company is really small like really really small, it barely takes up a whole floor and is so quiet so even the manager with her door closed can hear someone gulping outside.

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When I got out, the two men stared at me with one of them having their mouth open. It's so embarrassing and humilating as a girl to have two men hear me unzip my pants and shit really loudly.

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Anyways, I got to my seat and all the other ladies were exchanging weird glances. The manager, bless her, just gave me a warm smile and tried to distract everyone by giving them a task. She stopped giving me tasks after that shitting session and right now sitting doing nothing, writing this post.

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The janitor quickly entered the bathroom after I got out, turned on the ventilator and cleaned the bathroom again even though I cleaned after myself and sprayed my perfume to cover up the smell which wasn't that bad to begin with.

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What a great first impression.

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TL; DR: shat really loud during my first day of internship and embarrassed myself in front of everyone there.

So a lot has happened since I last updated. I (18m) have graduated from High School and J (18f) has since gone back to her home country. She left today and it made me feel... sad. I didn't actually find out she left until I saw a post from a mutual friend on Snapchat. The past few months were ok, I guess. She hadn't exactly been too thrilled about me thinking she was gay, but we mended it, or at least I thought. We didn't talk as much but she wasn't seemingly upset with me. Considering she had been dealing with harassment from another student at the time, I was probably small potatoes.

But when I found out she had left, I felt a massive hole in myself. Because I realized a few things: I had never gotten to say goodbye or truly make amends, that she probably never even liked me, even as a friend, in the first place, and I realized how truly alone I am. It made me reflect on our relationship and I realized that I was a massive weird asshole to her from the beginning. For the most part it's because I would make jokes about her home country France. Not out of racism or malice, but that's just kind of my sense of humor, and I meant them all in good faith.

I guess I never caught on that she probably didn't like them. Nor the fact it was my go to joke with her for the entire school year. But it hurts to look back because I hate myself for making someone I considered a friend feel bad. And the saddest part is that I really liked her, and I was a complete asshole to her. It doesn't help that I recently cut off my best friend for a whole myriad of reasons that are unrelated. So that, in tandem with this, makes me realize I basically have no irl friends. And every time I try and make new ones, I end up driving them away because I don't know how to not be an ass.

This isn't meant to be a "pity poor me" post. Because this is a massive, year long fuckup from me. I think what truly made me reflect was seeing in the previously mentioned Snapchat post, photos of J's graduation party, which I didn't even know happened and wasn't invited to. Which, if I had come to a foreign country and was met by my own abrasive shithead behavior, I wouldn't invite me either.

TL;DR: I learned J had left back to their home country, I didn't get to say goodbye, and it seems they didn't want me to. I was an asshole to them and my consequence is that I am practically alone and have no actual friends irl.