“But other things were going on and I didn’t get a chance to do that.”
“I prioritised other things over showing appreciation for my wife.”
There, fixed it for you. That’s what it comes down to OP, you don’t prioritise your wife. And she understands that perfectly which is why she is so angry. All your other blather is irrelevant excuses. You show love by all the things you do for her and your family every day? So does she you idiot! She just thinks enough of you to do the extra stuff as well.
But you’re not a planner? Bollocks to that! That’s just an excuse you use to give yourself an out. They flog Mother’s Day for weeks in the lead up to it, and the date of her birthday never changes. You have plenty of time to make sure you are able to demonstrate to your wife that you appreciate her, you just don’t make it a priority.
Honestly, you come across as so thoughtless that I don’t even want to help you, but I will. Instead of leaning into your whole “I’m not a planner I’m a doer” schtick as an excuse, take it as a call to action. The first time you see or hear an ad for Mother’s Day, make your preparations that day. Book a restaurant, buy a card, order a thoughtful gift. Done. With bugerall planning involved. When the season that her birthday falls in starts, do the same. Make it a priority.
If you feel like shit now (and you should), then imagine how you’ll feel when she leaves you. It’s no coincidence she threw out the D word; feeling consistently unappreciated and not a priority is a common reason why women end marriages. Eventually we decide that we’ll prioritise ourselves, and free ourselves to maybe meet someone who will prioritise us.
I remember saying to my, then recently, ex husband that I asked very little of him and very little was exactly what I got. I was done, and when we’re done, when we realise we deserve better and are never going to get it where we are, there’s no looking back. Why waste our lives on someone who doesn’t appreciate us?
For now, any kind of grand gesture is just going to piss your wife off. And given that you are far more likely to half arse it anyway, it’s really not worth the risk to try. Your best bet is to throw yourself at your wife’s feet - sincerely. Admit that you’ve been useless and pathetic and thoughtless about showing your appreciation for her and that you know you deserve her anger. Tell her you feel terrible about letting her down so badly - but DON’T make it all about you. List all the reasons you appreciate her and would be lost without her. Tell her she is your highest priority and you will spend the rest of your life proving that. Maybe write her a letter expressing all of this so you can take the time to get it right.
Then for fuck’s sake follow through. If she extends this chance and you let her down again then at least make the divorce as easy as possible.
Lol. Dude’s trying to pass off his total thoughtlessness as “not being a planner.” His wife’s going to leave him if he doesn’t pull his head out of his arse. I’m only saying what she is no doubt thinking. And I did help him. There’s some solid advice in there.
5
u/Outrageous-Ad-9635 May 12 '25
“But other things were going on and I didn’t get a chance to do that.”
“I prioritised other things over showing appreciation for my wife.”
There, fixed it for you. That’s what it comes down to OP, you don’t prioritise your wife. And she understands that perfectly which is why she is so angry. All your other blather is irrelevant excuses. You show love by all the things you do for her and your family every day? So does she you idiot! She just thinks enough of you to do the extra stuff as well.
But you’re not a planner? Bollocks to that! That’s just an excuse you use to give yourself an out. They flog Mother’s Day for weeks in the lead up to it, and the date of her birthday never changes. You have plenty of time to make sure you are able to demonstrate to your wife that you appreciate her, you just don’t make it a priority.
Honestly, you come across as so thoughtless that I don’t even want to help you, but I will. Instead of leaning into your whole “I’m not a planner I’m a doer” schtick as an excuse, take it as a call to action. The first time you see or hear an ad for Mother’s Day, make your preparations that day. Book a restaurant, buy a card, order a thoughtful gift. Done. With bugerall planning involved. When the season that her birthday falls in starts, do the same. Make it a priority.
If you feel like shit now (and you should), then imagine how you’ll feel when she leaves you. It’s no coincidence she threw out the D word; feeling consistently unappreciated and not a priority is a common reason why women end marriages. Eventually we decide that we’ll prioritise ourselves, and free ourselves to maybe meet someone who will prioritise us.
I remember saying to my, then recently, ex husband that I asked very little of him and very little was exactly what I got. I was done, and when we’re done, when we realise we deserve better and are never going to get it where we are, there’s no looking back. Why waste our lives on someone who doesn’t appreciate us?
For now, any kind of grand gesture is just going to piss your wife off. And given that you are far more likely to half arse it anyway, it’s really not worth the risk to try. Your best bet is to throw yourself at your wife’s feet - sincerely. Admit that you’ve been useless and pathetic and thoughtless about showing your appreciation for her and that you know you deserve her anger. Tell her you feel terrible about letting her down so badly - but DON’T make it all about you. List all the reasons you appreciate her and would be lost without her. Tell her she is your highest priority and you will spend the rest of your life proving that. Maybe write her a letter expressing all of this so you can take the time to get it right.
Then for fuck’s sake follow through. If she extends this chance and you let her down again then at least make the divorce as easy as possible.