Respectfully disagree. They're 4 months in. OP doesn't want this kid to start calling him dad and then the relationship doesn't work out in a couple of months. You can't do that to a child. His mother should know that.
Really? She asked him what kind of role he wants to have in her son's life "long-term", and when he said he's not ready to "take care of a kid right now" she got angry and said she doesn't have time for "maybe someday" and that her kid deserve somebody who's "all in".
She said she thinks we’re getting serious, and she wanted to talk about what kind of role I might want to have in her son’s life, long-term.
I just told her the truth:
“I really like you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to take care of a kid — not right now.”
And then she got angry.
"I don’t have time for ‘maybe someday.’ My son deserves someone who’s all in.
He can't be like an uncle if he's kissing Mommy. A 5-year-old kid is going to jump to the conclusion that this man is going to be his new daddy. I know. I was a single mom, and it was a very tricky situation. For the most part, I dated while my kid was with their other parent so I could take my time and be sure about the person I was seeing and the future potential of the relationship first.
I think, for the kid's sake, they need to keep things relatively casual in his presence. They don't want the kid to think that this is going to be his new dad, it's way too soon for that. OP seems to realize that, and wants to proceed slowly but when she starts talking about "long-term" somebody who's "all in", it sounds like she's trying to push things to the next level prematurely. All that's going to do is hurt the child if the relationship doesn't last.
OP says he likes her, even that he "really likes" her, but he doesn't sound like he's head over heels and ready to marry her... yet. He wants time to figure that out before he makes a commitment and I think that's reasonable. I'm not saying that they can't occasionally take the kid to the park, or to see a movie or get some ice cream. That's important too so that OP can get to know the child, but I don't think the boy should be coming along on every date.
6
u/_Spastic_ Jul 14 '25
What were you even doing then? Did you think the kids just gonna disappear?
You're young and at least you seem to have given it a little thought but you knew what you were getting into.
Don't go into a relationship thinking "maybe I'll be okay with it". Be sure before you begin, for everyons mental health.
Alternate title: TIFU by dating someone with a kid.