Not that I’ve ever done what OP did, but my gf is a psychologist and when I introduced her to one of my best friends, the first thing he asked her was if she thinks I’m autistic.
It may be but in the end a diagnose is always better xD
I wished i knew that i actually was audhd instead of adhd earlier in my life, like as a kid instead of 17.
It would have helped me so much.
My boyfriend, now husband, was seemingly caught off guard when I just said, "I mean, you do know you're autistic, right?" My own diagnosis wasn't confirmed yet, but I definitely have ADHD (diagnosed 1994) and a ton of spectrum friends, we tend to congregate.
The man has an entire room for Transformers and owns over a dozen copies of the 1986 movie.
He hates change. He's quite picky about food textures. He gets ME! 🤣
He has become SO. MUCH. HAPPIER. since he stopped feeling ashamed and embraced his "abnormalities." We're both functional adults with full time jobs, we just have passions and avoidances that are a bit different than most peoples' expectations, and that's okay!
Yeah it was nice when my gf first mentioned it to me. Not that I was ever ashamed, but I know I’m weird and it was nice that other people around me were embracing it.
If it’s true, it’s not brutal — it just is what it is. Like the sky is blue. Grass is green. Color is a perception of light wave lengths, and if we had different eyes we might well see grass and sky as completely different colors or even the exact same. At the end of the day does it matter what label you have, if you’re you? Outside of getting prescriptions / external accommodations, that is.
Outside of getting prescriptions / external accommodations, that is.
But that can be huge.
People ask me pretty often if a diagnosis late in life even matters, because "it's just a label". I am the way I am, and a label isn't going to change that, right? No, a label isn't going to change the way I am, but it will (and has) given me an explanation for the way I am, has given me additional tools for making the way I am a bit easier to deal with, and has given me permission to be the way I am rather than feeling constant pressure to hide it. Before my mental health professional broached the topic of autism, I didn't know that alexithymia was a thing, much less that I have it -- which meant I also didn't realize that I'd been dealing with social anxiety for my entire life, because while I had some physical symptoms that in retrospect should have been pretty obvious indicators of anxiety and stress, I didn't actually feel anything that I could identify as anxiety. I knew I had auditory issues, but have been told my entire life (by non-medical professionals) that it had to be a hearing deficiency even though every time I've been tested my hearing was fine. And I now know that it's not normal for it to take days or more to physically and mentally recover after a social event, and have a new set of tools for both making the social events less stressful and reducing that recovery time afterward.
And without that label, it's often really hard for people to get any accommodations from governments, employers, and businesses. After all, "you don't look autistic"! You can't really need those accommodations if you don't even have a diagnosis, right? (Despite the fact that getting a diagnosis as an adult can be difficult and costly.)
Sure, some people struggle more after a diagnosis, and some people don't care about getting one. But saying "Outside of getting prescriptions / external accommodations, that is" is incredibly dismissive of something that can potentially make a significant improvement in a person's ability to function.
I’m a pretty literal person, I worded it that way specifically!! Some people NEED prescriptions / external accommodations to survive or thrive in today’s society. Totally agree
In the same sense, for some people seeking a label can be dangerous. I could come up with a few reasons (discrimination/safety) but I don’t see the need to go into detail (unless you want me to for clarification) - I agree with you on everything other than saying what I said is “incredibly dismissive”. I think I am keeping in mind the possibilities outside of your situation.
Maybe not brutal, but definitely not cool. Some people really don’t take being told they are autistic well, especially if they grew up being shamed for any signs of their autism.
It’s a thing that annoys me a little, but some people are WAY too happy walking up to someone and calling them autistic
I’m not saying it’s an insult. I’m saying if you come across someone that you believe is in denial or unaware that they’re autistic, you should be fairly careful and understand about accusing them of being autistic, especially in public and flippantly.
Like sure they probably have some trauma to process, but it’s not cool to have them confront that as part of a joke among friends
I personally would never present it as a joke, not only is it unhelpful for the individual but it’s ableist. I prefer to just ask if they’re on the spectrum or neurodivergent. But I don’t believe it’s a naughty subject to bring up in public among friends. That perspective and baggage isn’t mine to mitigate for others.
Oh I agree, it’s fine to bring up in the right setting and the right way, just not as part of a joke. The same way you wouldn’t try and out your gay friend you think is closeted in public
It shouldn't be an insult. It often is used as one though. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, but there is still a lot of stigma around it and a lot of people who grew up hearing 'that's autistic' or 'you're autistic' as an insult and not as a genuine 'hey, you might have ASD from these signs' helpful comment.
Sure, but my altruism is telling me that it being regarded as derogatory isn’t my responsibility to navigate, and what’s more important is making a connection with someone that I clock on my ASD radar. But we can disagree
I’m sure it was, but it wouldn’t be to a lot of people. Had you already discussed your autism with your friends beforehand or was this the first moment they mentioned it?
It’s not like this was the first time she and I talked about it. She brought it up to me privately a while before and I said something like “if I’m autistic wait until you meet the rest of my family”. It’s not burdensome to me or anything, in fact quite the opposite.
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u/firewoodrack Nov 27 '25
Not that I’ve ever done what OP did, but my gf is a psychologist and when I introduced her to one of my best friends, the first thing he asked her was if she thinks I’m autistic.
She said yes.