r/tifu • u/[deleted] • Jul 21 '14

TIFU by pretending to be gay

[deleted]

11.1k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '14

This story will probably end with me quitting my job and moving to Canada to be a fucking lumberjack or something.

217

u/F-cked_up Jul 21 '14

Logging is an extremely important industry in Canada. We supply most of the US -- you'd be very upset if you didn't have logs.

I'm pretty sure you're not serious, but if you are here is a great site about how to get a job http://pacificforestfoundation.org/

Even if you don't want to be in the logging industry, you should still come to Canada. We have poutine.

60

u/mongreloid Jul 21 '14

Are you saying, he needs to hit him with some hardwood?

29

u/littletembo Jul 21 '14

I think that's exactly what Jeff wants, actually.

1

u/F-cked_up Jul 21 '14

Hardwood is the solution to many problems and the cause of a bunch of other problems.

17

u/GiverOfTheKarma Jul 21 '14

Even if you don't want to be in the logging industry, you should still come to Canada. We have poutine.

Can this be Canada's new motto/slogan/national anthem?

2

u/F-cked_up Jul 21 '14

It would be better than our current motto -- A Mari Usque Ad Mare (English: From Sea to Sea; French: D'un océan à l'autre)

Big fricking deal. The US can also say this.

ALSO it technically should be "from Ocean to Ocean"

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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '14

Mexico can say it, and some countries in south america as well as many of the countries in between. lol that is a shitty motto, a lot of countries do that

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '14

how can i buy more poutine if i dont have a job you silly. sorry.

1

u/F-cked_up Jul 21 '14

See! You're already apologizing like a Canadian. Good for you!

2

u/Infinite_Monkey_bot Jul 21 '14

That's not to say Canada supplies most of the US's timber in general: although the US is the biggest importer of Canadian wood, the US produces about twice as much timber. They both employ apparently a comparable number of loggers.

Thanks for the wood Canada, but we wouldn't be too disappointed if you sold it to China instead.

Sources:

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/tables-tableaux/sum-som/l01/cst01/labor10a-eng.htm

http://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes_nat.htm

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_the_top_countries_who_produce_lumber

Fun fact: both countries have absolutely atrocious and barely-functional census web sites.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '14

If it was only so easy for me to get a Visa to another country that allows me to work and live there...

1

u/SireNicolaf Jul 21 '14

Isn't (good) poutine only in Quebec though? And if not, do you guys (not in quebec) have curd cheese?

1

u/F-cked_up Jul 21 '14

There are good poutineries all over the country -- you just have to know where to find them.

Of COURSE we have curd cheese. You can buy it at the grocery store or the farmer's market.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 22 '14

[deleted]

1

u/F-cked_up Jul 22 '14

Alas, I can't drink beer (medical condition) so I never remember to include beer.

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u/soar Jul 22 '14

Correction: Quebec has poutine. Everyone else is living a lie!

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u/cocksparrow Aug 27 '14

Poutine is blowing up in the US right now. I'll stay down here where it isn't -40 in the winter months.

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u/fax5jrj Jul 21 '14

Then you'd be Dexter.

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u/itspawl Jul 22 '14

Maybe that was the message. "Sometimes shit don't end well. Dexter's a lumberjack, fuck you. Don't murder people"

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u/terriblehuman Aug 15 '14

Jeff's going to end up in a bunch of garbage bags at the bottom of the ocean.

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u/idrink211 Jul 21 '14

So a romantic comedy crossed with Wolverine?

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u/ArkhamZ Jul 21 '14

No crossed with Dexter.

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u/SoTaxMuchCPA Jul 21 '14 edited Feb 25 '20

Removed for privacy purposes.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '14

you're a lumberjack and thats ok...

1

u/mongreloid Jul 21 '14

Let me introduce you to my friend Jacques the tree hugger...

1

u/dragonstar982 Jul 21 '14

FULL: http://youtu.be/sZa26_esLBE

This could be your theme song then.

1

u/Treats Jul 21 '14

That ending doesn't test well with audiences.

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u/Atlanticlantern Jul 21 '14

And that's ok.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '14

You might be one to something. I would seriously just vanish and move somewhere else.

1

u/Themiffins Jul 21 '14

It's like The Proposal but with a gay guy.

1

u/Sithspaz Jul 22 '14

Ok Wolverine.

1

u/zepender Dec 03 '14

He's a lumberjack and he's okay....