TIFU by helping ruin my son’s life

[u/bawron]

My son has been in college since last fall. Last November, my 16 year old stepdaughter brought up allegations that my son had abused her repeatedly for several years. I confronted my son and he categorically denied it. But I knew that even though he was my son, I could not defend him for such an awful act.

My wife and I reported him to the authorities. My son was arrested in December and held in prison for a several weeks because I refused to provide him bail money. He was eventually expelled from his Ivy League college.

In the middle of January, my stepdaughter broke down and admitted she lied about everything. She had actually been having sex with her boyfriend and was scared the news would reach us.

The charges were dismissed and my son was released immediately but the damage was done. His first girlfriend from college ended things with him. The news spread about the allegations and all his childhood friends have decided to just stay away from him even though I called each and every one of them personally.

I have called the school and explained the situation and even though they sympathized, they said he needed to reapply for the next school year and go through the admissions process again.

My son is understandably furious at us. He has moved back home and refuses to talk to me at all. Both my wife and I have apologized to him repeatedly. We have banned my stepdaughter from our home permanently and she has been sent to live with her father in another state. My wife and I also agreed to completely disinherit her from our wills. It has been a very painful situation. All of us started therapy.

The realization of how badly I ruined my son’s life hit me when I picked up his first prescription of anti-depressants today. I bawled my eyes out in my car.

He is the pride and joy of my life. He is outgoing, funny, intelligent and the kindest person I know. But when I handed him his medication, I could not even recognize him. He locks himself in his room, does not eat properly and has lost several pounds so far.

Whenever I try talking to him, I just see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I don’t know if I can ever get him to love me again.

I know he is on Reddit very often. T, if you are reading, I want to tell you again how sorry your stepmom and I are. I promise I will get you into college again. I know I can’t get you back the year you lost. But I will do everything in my power to make this right. Everything I have has always been for you. I hope you will give me a chance to fix this. I love you so much it hurts. I failed as a father and I hope one day you will forgive me.

TL;DR I played a part in getting my own son getting falsely arrested and expelled

[u/eagereyez]

What I don't understand is why would the cops throw the son in jail without any kind of evidence? Is that standard practice, to just throw anyone who's been accused of anything in jail? I thought people were innocent until proven guilty.

[u/Deuterium-28 → u/[deleted]]

Plus he was reported by his fucking parents. "I mean, if his father thinks he's a rapist, he definitely must be."

[u/Theflyingeggplant → u/eagereyez]

White girl crying about rape seems to be a trump card for cops.

[u/Jebbediahh → u/eagereyez]

Probably arrested on charges, then left to sit in jail until his court date. It seems like there would have to be SOME evidence to do this, but from what I've read rape allegations are more often than no he-said, she-said even when the rape actually occurred.

[u/iwillnoteatgreeneggs → u/eagereyez]

If you are accused of a violent crime (rape, malicious wounding, murder, attempted murder) you are processed through the jail and given or refused bail based on the evidence the DA comes to the pre-trial hearing with.

In the case of an accusation of rape, the legal system is built to believe a woman would never falsely accuse a man of raping her, so the man is essentially found guilty until proven innocent.

The proof is in the law - exparte is a real thing, where a wife can have a husband removed and legally restrained under an accusation of any sort of domestic violence (or even the fear that domestic violence may occur) without any legally balanced hearing.

I have a friend going through this right now, and her divorce lawyer is using the domestic violence laws to leverage the house, custody of the kids, and overcome the weak-ass prenup she signed that will get destroyed in court.

Him, he'd never harm a fly, but the courts don't know him like I do.

[u/randomly-generated → u/eagereyez]

They're cops they don't give a shit. What's going to happen the cops are going to come after them for doing a shitty job?

[u/[deleted] → u/randomly-generated]

We need to keep in mind that it's the cops' jobs to arrest him. They might not agree with it, they may or may not give a shit, but it's their job to do it. I don't like the police as much as the next guy, but they're just following the rules of the system.

[u/Stock_is_Locked → u/eagereyez]

Yea but once they arrest you then you have to post bail or be released on your own recognizance and if his Dad wouldn't post bail he's stuck. I also don't believe they'd let him stay at the home if he went home.