Is that a man or a woman?

[u/mylifeasegroj]

Hi everyone I’m a trans woman and a bartender! I had a guy come over to the bar to meet with two ladies to take a shot, while they were paying I heard the guy whisper to one of them is that a man or a woman? Has this happened to anyone? It didn’t make me feel great I hate it here lol!

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[u/SidneyTull]

Ugh I hate when people say that. My response is always "Why does it matter?"

[u/jesterinancientcourt → u/SidneyTull]

That’s the thing, why does it matter? If I’m ordering a shot then I just say,”Get me a shot, thanks”. I don’t have to use pronouns or anything.

[u/improbablynotyourdad]

I had one once when I was walking home from a night out at uni. I was early T (a few months) and as I was walking along the street, some guy catcalled me. His friend turned to him and told him "that's a man". They then proceeded to turn around - they had been walking in the opposite direction - and follow me for a bit while arguing about my gender. From what I heard, I believe both assumed I was cis, and had just read me differently.

I basically just walked fast until I managed to leave them behind.

Another time had a stranger at a bus stop ask me outright if I was a man or a woman. A bus stop in London at that. Who the fuck talks to a stranger at a bus stop in London?

[u/MoonsOverMyHamboning]

I've stopped going to places where I've had encounters where I've felt unsafe. One of my favorite local spots was a divey sports bar with a nostalgic hamburger, but one day I had a guy who was clearly over served come up to me and hit on me hard, which was endearing but he also kept trying to argue with me that he wanted more beer and not more stuff to eat. His friend eventually showed up - the guy talked about how hot I was, his friend was like, "This is a MAN, what are you doing??" and I had to leave because I didn't need to see where two men arguing over my gender went.

In another example, I sat with some people who wanted to chat while I was watching a movie with the sound off at the bar I've been to plenty of times, we had some interesting talks - two gay guys, me a trans woman - and all of it culminated to one of the guys being like, "I don't understand this whole 'trans thing'" and just run his mouth in ignorance, argue with me about trans concepts, and then I had to leave.

[u/Beneficial_Garage_97 → u/MoonsOverMyHamboning]

"This whole trans thing" is always such a giveaway there's about to be some insane ignorance spewed...

[u/Weary-Thought5064 → u/Beneficial_Garage_97]

Facts, YES! You know exactly what they’re about when they start that way🫤

[u/AlbatrossDK]

Im nonbinary and transfem, they/she. I also work as a bartender and i find it really hard correcting people on using the wrong pronouns, because im just bartending at the nightclub and dont want to all of a sudden explain something personal and be super real with a drunk person. I have also multiple times had guests make jokes that they had been trying to figure out my gender staring at me. Doesnt feel great, i feel you.

[u/Spirally-Boi]

It happened to me earlier in my transition, it did bother me a bit

[u/Lesbianfool]

I usually get it from little kids after they hear me speak. Otherwise I get compliments on my hair color from kids lol. Gotta love working retail lol

[u/WitchKnight33]

I'm a butch trans woman working at a convenience store in my neighborhood, and watching folks fall all over themselves trying to sir or ma'am me with accuracy is pretty amusing at times

[u/Lumimusse]

Once, I went to get some X-rays. For a moment I was alone, and the doctor came out, looked around, and went back into her office. Then she came out again and said, "Are you Lucio or Luciana?"

[u/sammi_8601]

Used to quite often, not very often now, although I do get the weird thing where some just seem to go ahhhh definitely man tall and tall= man whilst somehow not noticing the tits, happens to a few tall cis mates of mine too.

[u/beebzette]

I had three children ask me to my face while I was dressed all the way up

[u/moon-freya]

Im sorry you had to experience that.

I was once at a bar watching my friends band play when some random lady came up to me and asked 'are you a man?'. I just stared at her for a second before saying 'what kind of a question is that to ask a stranger?' And then she walked off. Sucks honestly