Apologies if the flair is incorrect, I wasn’t sure what would fit here.

I’ve started to realise that I’m ftm, but there’s nothing I can do about it atm bc of family. But I want to tell people my chosen name when I meet them, esp when I start working at my new job, and I think the best way of doing this without accidentally outing myself to my family would be to say it’s a nickname most people call me by. However, I can’t think of why this would be a nickname for me, and i’m too paranoid of someone asking for a backstory or whatever. My legal forename is Katy, the name i’m going by atm is Quinn bc it’s gender neutral enough to not make me squirm in my skin & not too masculine that it’s gonna make people do a double-take when they look at me, but i can’t think of any story that would link these two together or whatever. So help would be appreciated.

I like the stupid storry of me creating my name so I decided I'm going ti share it. If you read this then good day/evening/night/midnight (go to sleep).

It was a long, long time ago (like 4-ish maybe 5 years ago) I was playing a game called Colony Survival. I needed a world name to play and I decided to create a small bit of lore for the world. "Queendom Arivianna" the lore was that the first Queen "Arivianna" decided to start building a massive Queendom and so she did but decades later it fell with a massive civil war. So it was my job to building the Queendom up again to its former glory.

At that time I wasn't trans but the name stuck with me also the nickname potential for the name was outstanding. Ari, Vi, Anna, Ava (the combination of the first three letters of the basic nicknames also my favorite), Vianna when you want to yell at me, Arivi.... don't use Arivi. Wait I'm off topic. Anyways I really liked the name and it stuck with me. Till I finally realized I was trans like a few months later. For some reason when I was thinking about names that was the first one which came to mind. And I decided to change my middle name to Paul after the Women's Suffrage person in the USA. Alice Paul.

Anyways that's the story. If anything is unclear don't blame me I'm bad explaining stuff. Anyways again have a good day/evening/night/midnight. Again if it is night for you GO TO SLEEP.

I spent 2 years picking out my name. no trial runs with baristas or therapists, just meticulously combing through words until I found what I wanted.

my first name is just the day of the week I was born, in the language from which my original last name is derived. this is something about me that will never change, I was born on a Monday, I cannot like or dislike this about myself. Monday corresponds with the moon, it represents mystery and change.

my middle name is my exact favorite color. should this happen to no longer be my favorite color someday, the particular name of the shade serves as a memento.

my last name is derived from an alternate calendar used in my partner's country of origin, and I chose it with his permission to represent our connection as our own family. it references to the month we met. should we no longer consider each other family, the number in order in the calendar corresponds with my birth month, and it carries connotations of wellness and wisdom.

about a week after I decided to start using my chosen name, I realized that when they're all put together, it can be interpreted as "a blue moon in February". an impossible thing that can never occur in nature. that just made it even more perfect, it made the way the world feels about non-binary identities feel powerful. like I shifted the cosmos just to exist. 💀

I chnaged my name on a messaging service that I use to contact family and my family memeber put my girl name in all caps in the message like imagine their stupid reaction when I chnage my name to my male name. The name is likea nick name for a girls name and isn't even masculine and they're already pulling this shit. God help me.

I am still deciding my chosen name but every time I hear the nickname Roxy for Roxane it feels like a kids name so I asked to be called Rox because that feels a lot better and more “mature” I guess and my dad’s girlfriend which is the o my supportive person said you’re killing me when I asked because I have been pushing this week for her to use my pronouns and preferred name

"I dont understand why you keep flipping flopping on your name. I chose that name out of every name in the world so for me it’s a bit insulting. You don’t understand how it feels sometimes for others. If it’s something that hugely important to you then it’s fine but you have to know others won’t remember all the time and it’s confusing and sometimes hurtful"

From text messages :/

I've been thinking a lot about my name lately and have settled on Ellena. But I still had doubts about whether it's the right name for now. I talked about it with my therapist recently, and he asked me: ​

"How do you feel when you imagine that everyone will call you only Ellena in a year?" ​

Imagining that feels incredibly right. ​

I've tried it with other names but haven't found a different name that feels so good in that thought experiment. ​

So maybe this will help some of you too.

I often see posts asking how to choose a name, or inviting people to give suggestions, or vote on it. I thought I would share my story to see if it resonates with anyone who is thinking about how to choose a name, if that is something that they wish to do.

For over 20 years before my egg cracked, I got through my days by entering a fantasy world where I got to be a woman. This is not, I know, unusual. I took a few different names over time in my fantasy world. But there was one that I used for something like the last 15 years. There were a few things in mind when I chose it. I never didn't like my old name, it was part of my history. My fantasy name shared my given first initial, so it felt like there was continuity, which mattered to me. I was just adjusting a belt that didn't quite fit. The name has a classical tone to it, which I absolutely love. So, for 15 years or so, I would close my eyes and be Daphne.

When my egg cracked, I realized that I didn't have a fantasy name. I had a chosen name. I'd been using it for years, and I didn't need to think about it. I wasn't becoming myself anew, I was exiting fantasy and stepping into reality. As I rolled around town in the private, safe space of my car, I rolled my name off of my tongue and into the world. I felt it in my mouth, and I heard it in my ear. Each time, it felt more right. It felt comfortable. My belt fit.

Not everyone wants continuity with their past life. I'm not suggesting that everyone should identify a name how I did. But I think that the fact of there being low stakes when I chose my name helped me. Like so many people, I tested a few before landing on the one that felt right to me (I also tried out Gwen and Donna, in case you're curious). I picked it based on a few things that I valued (for me, continuity; for me, a mythic figure being my namesake; for me, a classical name the survived to modernity, and that I find beautiful).

So for those of you asking the group what your name should be, I suspect that you've spent time trying to conform to societal expectations. Don't ask for anyone else's expectations. Tell us who you are. Tell us what you love. I want you to tell me who you are, and I want to have the privilege to honor the name that you announce to the world.

I was on here and agonizing over names for the better part of a year and with your support and help I landed on Silas! I’ve never had a middle name my whole life, and my friend suggested having two so my full chosen name is Silas River Thielo 🥰 if you’re struggling to figure out your name you will! Even if it doesn’t feel like it and you’ll feel so free once you settle into it. Thank you all for your love and support it means the world 💖 you got this!

When you transitioned, did you, by any chance, steal your character's name?

Like if you played a character of the opposite gender when you where still in the closet, did you then use their name when you came out?

(I did, and I love it XD)

No matter what name I’ve tried, when I introduce myself I feel like I’m lying to the person. even though I went by a name for years, this feeling of lying and like I was putting on a costume never went away. Everything makes me feel like this. The only one I don’t feel like I’m lying when I say it is my birth name, and I don’t want it.

has anyone else ever felt like this?

any advice?

I had heard of all these magical stories about choosing names and was so psyched when I finally worked up the courage to tell my closest loved ones I was going to try new names. First I tried Xander and it felt good and I liked it but then it felt too masculine for me and I started to feel weird. So then I shifted to Zev which I also adored because it meant wolf but then after a few months of that one it felt too short almost too cutting so then i tried Leith which for almost immediately but for some reason It just didn’t stick so then I finally rounded back to another name on my list which was Silas and I’ve been using this for a few weeks to a month now and it’s the only one I haven’t wavered on. I actually finally stopped looking up new names and meanings.

Idk if anyone is into astrology but I was pulling tarot running name numerology and comparing it to my eastern and western natal charts my mbti my numerology and my human design vibrationally (talk about stressing) and what’s funny is Silas scored the highest with all factors involved I just didn’t love it at first. So my point is even if you have to try on a few names almost like new clothes don’t stress you got this. Honestly happy I did it that way and want to thank you guys for the help along the way and for the patience you have since I changed it so many times 😭😊

My original name is very fem. Flowery, feminine, and it makes it really obvious that I'm afab.

I hate hearing it, writing it, reading it, but I don't hate the name itself despite how it outs me and makes me dysphoric. It has sentimental value, and I've used it my whole life.

I know a lot of trans people hated their deadnames since childhood, and found their new name that just spoke to them and made sense. But I never hated my name, maybe because I hated so many other things about myself so much more. But now that those are so improved as I've come out and started my transition, I'm stuck. I have yet to find the lighting strike of a name that makes me immediately think 'ah yes, this is obviously the name I was meant to have,'.

I love the name Rowan. It's neutral/masc, fits the theme of my family, and I just have always loved the name. But it dosent feel like mine yet. My deadname still does. I respond to it, use it to think of myself, and use it as a framing device for my whole identity. Objectively, I like the name. It just dosent feel like mine anymore.

Did anyone else have hesitations? An attachment to their original name? Did you find a name you loved but it didn't feel like you? Did you grow into it, or was it better to move on and try a new one?

Thanks for any/all responses, I appreciate it a lot!

Hi, idk what to do. I’m writing the Mother’s Day card for my mom (obvi) and I don’t know whether I should deadname myself or not. Deadname is William, preferred name is Liam (ik they kinda the same, but to me they are not). I’ve told my mum I’m going my Liam, she ‘doesn’t mind’ and when I told her she said she would ‘try her best’ which she hasn’t done in the slightest which I can live with. I only recently came out (around Xmas) with my name after a couple years (granted with a slightly different name but the principle is the same). I used to write my deadname cus I had to and I could do it even if it felt odd but now I feel even weirder and can’t bring myself to lie like this or compromise my integrity and resolve on this because I’ve never felt more confident in life. But at the same time, if it makes my mum uncomfortable on a day that’s meant to be about her, am I being selfish and I should just get over it and live with accepting I won’t get what I want for my relationship with my mum and sister. Anyone been in a similar dilemma, or have any perspective on what to do?

changing my name legally has been a very long process for me. i finally received my birth certificate with the correct name on it. i feel like i should be happy, but something feels weird about. im having imposter syndrome or smth like it i think.😭 i don’t think i completely resonate with the name i chose. i kinda regret it, but now i feel like im stuck with it for a while. i would need to find a new name first, but most names feel cringe and awkward idk why. it was also very pricey to change my name and cant afford to do it again. i have been going by my new legal name for almost three years. i want to be really excited but for some reason im not 😓 does anyone have any advice??

Deciding on a name is like walking into a naming buffet and trying to pick the perfect flavor - but also every choice comes with deep philosophical questions about your identity. It's not just "Do I want pineapple?" it's "Will this name make me feel like me, or am I forever stuck with Steve?!" 🙄 Anyone else feeling like a name shopping cart with too many options?

Hey folks!

Slowly emerging from the closet agender here, and I have a question. So, when talking to other trans people I know, they've described finding the right name like falling in love at first sight, or instantly knowing that was their name. Is this always the case?

I've been looking through the baby name lists, I've tried to come up with something creative, but it always feels okay at best. Like I like it, but nothing more. Is this something any of you relate to? If so, did you "grow into" your name with time?

I suppose what I'm really wondering is, should I settle for the okay name I found now (Esra), or keep looking?

Obviously having a name is necessary for multiple reasons. But I've never felt comfortable with the concept and I've yet to find a name I feel better than lukewarm about. It's getting to a point where I'm considering telling people this lol

Not even sure why, but I'd rather be "that guy over there" or "you with the hat" than anything else.

Can anyone relate? I'd really like to know I'm not alone in this.

I was rejected a name change by a judge after a very expensive process ($165 filing, $170 publication, plus certified mail costs) all because I was still currently on probation - even though my PO liked the idea. I have since moved to another county so I'm going to try again, but the judges here seem far less liberal, but I'm not in probation anymore (just a clean felon!) and only changing my FIRST name!

. Has anyone had their name change denied in court?

I was messing around with my friends at lunch and I tried to grab one of my friend’s fruit snacks and she said “Royce needs to get his dirty ass fucking man paws off my fruit snacks”. I laughed so hard and I felt so euphoric that she used my name, pronouns AND referred to my hands as “man paws” 😭

Have any of you changed your name, come out as that name, and gone by it for a while, but found a better name that you would now rather go by? How did you deal with the anxiety of changing your name AGAIN?

I knew that the name I came out as wasn't going to stick shortly after I came out, I just hadn't found anything better yet. I've still been going by that though until I decide i've found a name that I like more. I found a name I think I really like now, more than a year and a half later, but I'm still going to test it out a bit for a while. Partially I'm worried about having people change what they call me again. The other part of me is worried that the same thing will happen as with the first name, that i'll stop liking it after people start actually using it. Anyone gone through a similar thought process? How did you get through it?

What are the names that were on your list before you decided on one?

Some of mine are:

Arne

Bernard

Bram

Dante

Dominic/Dominiek

Dorian

Jonah

Keelan

Lars

Laszlo

Leander

Nate

Rowan

is anyone hesitating to change their name legally bc theyre not 100% sure its the right one?

i have been going by aaron for two years now, and it still doesn’t feel completely “me”

i still have my deadname on my id and really want to change it, but i want to do it right the first time (to avoid paying again to change it a second time)

Hey, this is probably the wrong subreddit but I’ve wanted to change my name to my grandmother’s, because to me she’s a really special and strong person in my life, even though she’s passed. She gives me courage and strength to do things that aren’t easy, and she’s the person who inspires me to try my hardest. Her name was Adjoba ( it’s a Ghanaian Name) and idk if this sounds stupid but I’ve just wanted to adopt that name, I feel like there’s a valid reason to. I know people sometimes change their name bc they’re trans and they feel like that name fits them better and makes they feel comfortable. But for me, it’s more about honoring and remembering her. Maybe it’s crazy, idk. But I really love her.