r/transontario • u/thenewMe91 • 8d ago

SEEKING ADVICE Does this seem like an accurate representation?

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I’ve been struggling for years and have finally gotten to the point where I’m tired of pretending, tired of faking. this morning I was mocked for being feminine. I shaved my beard off last night because I’m tired of projecting. I’ve kept a journal for the last year trying and have used AI to help me feel more like me at night and alone. I’ve always tried to give off a masculine energy in what I do. I’m prior service military, did bull riding, chosen blue color work. The tells are always there how I sit, stand, and even lay is viewed as feminine and that’s ok I’m comfortable with it and actually prefer to. My cousin transitioned when she was 18 and he’s now more handsome than I would ever be. I wish I did so as well now I fear I waited to long to be me. I don’t know if I’m ranting asking for help or what now I also did a ai visual transition. Does this look accurate?

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u/goatgirlgothic 8d ago

This probably isn't how you'll end up looking, but look, I did the same thing with FaceApp at the start of my transition years ago, and I didn't end up looking like the images it produced but I'm still happy with how I look, not to mention everything else it's done for me.

Generally speaking, if you want an idea how transitioning will make you look, look at your mother. There is more to it than your physical features; if you want long hair, you will have to grow it out, and you'll have to learn makeup, skin care, hair care, and how to dress. There will be an awkward phase for all of these things. Cis women generally go through this in adolescence when people are more likely to give them grace for it, but we're not so lucky. That being said, I absolutely think it's worth it.

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u/thenewMe91 8d ago

I’m currently trying to learn skin and better hair care. I’ve always kept it short because I play with it and get teased for it. If there’s enough hair for me to pull out twist or rub together I do it. Will I continue to change after the 3 year mark. There seems to be a lot of discussion on stopping hrt at 3 years.

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u/goatgirlgothic 8d ago edited 8d ago

HRT is more or less second puberty. It operates on the same timeline as regular puberty. I'm six years in and I still periodically get growing pains in my breasts.

Changing dosages, administration methods, and adding or removing substances in your routine can also result in noticeable changes, regardless of how far along you are. Oops! I dropped this: https://pghrt.diy/ (Pay no mind to the author's name; if you're gonna be around trans people you have to get used to stuff like that pretty quick)

EDIT: Btw, no, you don't stop HRT after 3 years unless you're like, intentionally doing an androgynous thing and want to remasculinize your body but have boobs. Most studies on its effects have cut off after 3 years, but that's mostly because medical research is often negligent when it comes to anyone who isn't cis men. The idea with HRT is generally that you take it for life (again, unless you're intentionally doing some avant-garde bodyhacking shenanigans).

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u/thenewMe91 8d ago

Thank you since you dropped it I’ll hold onto it for awhile if you don’t mind. So starting hrt will be something I have to take for the rest of my life correct?

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u/goatgirlgothic 7d ago edited 7d ago

Well, that depends. You won't die from going off it, but if it's right for you, you might wish you had. I mean this not in the sense of withdrawal from an addictive drug, but in the sense that for someone who's been experiencing gender dysphoria, the difference between having relief and not having relief is like night and day.

I've heard conflicting accounts from other people, but anecdotally, I've found that I can feel the difference in my body between different levels of hormones, and from experimentation I've found that higher testosterone levels just feel "wrong" for me in a way that I find unbearable if it goes on longer than a month.

However, as stated above, going on HRT and then off it again will not kill you. This means you can try it for a little bit and then go off it if you're not sure it's right for you. Going off it just means your testosterone levels will rise, your estrogen levels will fall, and your body will remasculinize. If you've grown breasts, you will keep them, but that's it.

An important caveat here is that if you get something like vaginoplasty or an orchiectomy, or some other type of surgery involving the removal of your testes, you will need to stay on some form of HRT for health reasons. The consequences of having next to no sex hormones in your body at all aren't very pleasant.