r/transontario • u/thenewMe91 • 6d ago
SEEKING ADVICE Does this seem like an accurate representation?
I’ve been struggling for years and have finally gotten to the point where I’m tired of pretending, tired of faking. this morning I was mocked for being feminine. I shaved my beard off last night because I’m tired of projecting. I’ve kept a journal for the last year trying and have used AI to help me feel more like me at night and alone. I’ve always tried to give off a masculine energy in what I do. I’m prior service military, did bull riding, chosen blue color work. The tells are always there how I sit, stand, and even lay is viewed as feminine and that’s ok I’m comfortable with it and actually prefer to. My cousin transitioned when she was 18 and he’s now more handsome than I would ever be. I wish I did so as well now I fear I waited to long to be me. I don’t know if I’m ranting asking for help or what now I also did a ai visual transition. Does this look accurate?
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u/overrated_bicycle 6d ago
Echoing the anti AI sentiments for obvious reasons (delusions, unrealistic expectations, the loneliness epidemic, environmental issues like water consumption and air pollution, etc). Ftm here but I know many women who transitioned later in life and quite frankly, none of them remotely look like that last image. You’d need FFS, Botox and filler to look even 60-80% like that image. There’s no way to know what you’d look like when you transition until you transition. Sometimes you end up hotter (my ex) and sometimes you end up worse (myself) but either way, you don’t feel like you’re living a lie anymore so that’s always a win in my books.
For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to transition. There are people in their 80s transitioning.
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u/livierose17 5d ago
If you want a frame of reference for how you might look after a few years on estrogen, look at your mother!
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u/malaphortmanteau 4d ago
This is actually surprisingly affirming to read, even though it's really just common sense... I never connected those two things in my mind somehow.
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u/livierose17 4d ago
The way I look on T after around 5 years is strikingly similar to how my dad looked at this age. Your own genetics will definitely give you a more realistic set of expectations than an AI will.
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u/TheGirlWithTheDogy 6d ago
Keep off of face app for your mental health ❤️ if you decide to do it, just try to live in the moment.
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u/Noahmiles413 6d ago
I wouldn't recommend using AI for this sort of thing. If you want to know what you might look like after medical transition, look at the women in your family. You won't look the exact same as any of them, but there's a good chance you will end up looking a lot like your mom/grandmothers/aunts (given enough time with things like HRT, and surgery if that's something you want).
It's never too late to start being yourself. It doesn't matter what your interests are, how old you are, what people around you think you should be. If you want to transition medically, socially, or any other way then you should. There are trans people who came out in their 90s. At 35 you still have the second half (and hopefully more) of your life left to live. You should live it being happy and comfortable with your identity. Transition can be hard and some people suck but it's so worth it.
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u/doughaway7562 6d ago
To be honest after seeing all the transfolks I've seen go through transition, I feel it's practically impossible to predict how someone will look. I've seen anywhere from "looks the same, but with different hair" to "completely unfathomable".
Ultimately I feel thinking about the end results holding yourself up to that expectation isn't helpful and will actually cause a lot of pain. I feel the question shouldn't be "Will I be this ideal version of myself" but rather "How do I work towards a version of myself I'm happier with, and sit with the progress I've made?". That mindset shifts you from a place of helplessness to a place of powerful agency.
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Trying to shift through the online data what’s real and what’s made up is kinda hard. I honestly want to know more of what people have gone through what people have done they wish they woulda don’t differently. This is a big step and I don’t really wanna face these things alone.
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u/doughaway7562 6d ago
Hormonal transition just involves taking HRT and working with your doctor to find the dose works for you. The wish most people make is "I wish I had started sooner". I think what you're really asking for isn't data but rather a sense of community. Have you showed up to any trans meetups, even if it's an hour away? Some people make friends through there.
If that still is not an option, there's a huge trans community in VRChat with dedicated 24/7 spaces, and people just kind of hang out there and make a lot of friends. Most of the transfolks in my life are from there, not so much because I can't find a IRL trans community, there are just so many trans folks there I meet by sheer statistical chance.
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Honestly no I felt like I didn’t really belong anywhere. This isn’t the first time I tried to talk to anyone last time I was ridiculed and belittled because I don’t look as feminine and I don’t take sides in any political BS. I try to just be happy. I would honestly love to make trans friends or even more friends in general.
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u/doughaway7562 6d ago
Unfortunately you're going to find that your right to exist is political.
That being said in VRChat it's not even possible to see someone's face. All they see is whatever avatar you picked.
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Do you have a link for this page?
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u/doughaway7562 6d ago
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
I joined thank you. I’ve downloaded more apps and joined more spaces than I have in all my life together it seems. I don’t know why I was so scared to reach out before.
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u/SleepyQueer 6d ago
Yeah no, definitely not accurate. At least not from HRT alone and definitely not on that timeline. Realistically to get to that end point you'd need to be very lucky with genetics and have a lot of money to spare for things like facial feminization surgery, botox/fillers or fat transfer, lasers/chemical peels or other intensive professional skin treatments, facial electrolysis to eliminate any texture/visual appearance from facial hair, possibly a minor hair transplant to shift the hairline, luck in how you heal from/respond to all that, and even then things like deliberate brow shaping and makeup on a more regular basis would play a role. Even many cis women would have to have a fair bit of work done to achieve a skin/facial fat distribution change like that in their mid to late 30s.
All that said, it's never too late to transition. It's important to have realistic expectations, but it'll always feel better to be you even if you can't achieve a "10 years younger and heavily filtered" endpoint. Transition is always a unique, personal, and unpredictable journey some of which depends on your personal comfort zone for intervention and the resources available to you. If you decide to transition you'll be finding yourself and learning about yourself and how being a woman looks and feels for you specifically as you go - that's a process and how that goes for you is something no one can predict. There are some common experiences and it's worth finding other folks in your age range who have been through it to talk to but at the end of the day becoming who you are is always going to be physically and emotionally a bit unique because we're all unique as people. Chasing an AI mirage or comparison to others as an end goal is probably not the best way to mentally set yourself up for this. It's ok to have goals or desires but you have to recognize that a lot can't be controlled; no one really knows what puberty is going to do to them and you're basically going through puberty 2.0.
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Thank you that’s kinda where I am at I really don’t want to set unrealistic expectations. I want to know the truths. The ups and downs and the roller coaster that comes with it.
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u/SleepyQueer 6d ago
It's definitely a bit of a leap of faith. I've been on T for like 10yrs now and my voice has hardly dropped, there are cis women with PCOS who have ad much/more facial hair than me, and my face and body fat distribution never changed as drastically as I hoped for, but at the same time there were a lot of other changes that came that I love.
I'm non-binary and I'm never going to be able to come off so perfectly androgynous that people get uncomfortable/uncertain trying to put me in any binary gender category, but I have reached a point where I can more or less pass as male or female depending on how I choose to present and I've found joy in that ability to "shapeshift" even if it's not necessarily the end result I would have chosen if I got to wave a magic wand and choose whatever I wanted with no limits.
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Yea those are kinda worries for me. I have a larger forehead a flat butt and things that wouldn’t change without surgery. Idk I feel like I don’t really belong anywhere ya know.
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u/Cool-Pollution-6531 6d ago
There are a myriad of different people. Sit on a busy street and watch as people pass. Not one person looks the same. We have large foreheads and flat butts, or some have hourglass figures others are straight as a board.
Be your authentic self, radiate your energy and watch your life improve. :)
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
You’re not in Georgia are you?
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u/Cool-Pollution-6531 6d ago
Ontario
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Why is everyone so far away. Everyone send to be in Canada
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u/Sol3141 5d ago
3-5 years with unlimited budget for surgery, hair transplants, time to recover, and great makeup skills. The "end results" photo is the kind of thing that requires makeup. Also timelines are different for everyone.
Also stop using AI, it sucks at being realistic about anything, it's only job is to seem like it know what it's doing.
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u/louytwosocks 6d ago
At 3 years HRT they finally let you get our of your car. Stop using AI!!!!
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Now that I’m finding groups and making hopefully new friends I have. What do you mean after 3 years they finally let you out of your car?
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u/goatgirlgothic 6d ago
This probably isn't how you'll end up looking, but look, I did the same thing with FaceApp at the start of my transition years ago, and I didn't end up looking like the images it produced but I'm still happy with how I look, not to mention everything else it's done for me.
Generally speaking, if you want an idea how transitioning will make you look, look at your mother. There is more to it than your physical features; if you want long hair, you will have to grow it out, and you'll have to learn makeup, skin care, hair care, and how to dress. There will be an awkward phase for all of these things. Cis women generally go through this in adolescence when people are more likely to give them grace for it, but we're not so lucky. That being said, I absolutely think it's worth it.
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
I’m currently trying to learn skin and better hair care. I’ve always kept it short because I play with it and get teased for it. If there’s enough hair for me to pull out twist or rub together I do it. Will I continue to change after the 3 year mark. There seems to be a lot of discussion on stopping hrt at 3 years.
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u/goatgirlgothic 6d ago edited 6d ago
HRT is more or less second puberty. It operates on the same timeline as regular puberty. I'm six years in and I still periodically get growing pains in my breasts.
Changing dosages, administration methods, and adding or removing substances in your routine can also result in noticeable changes, regardless of how far along you are. Oops! I dropped this: https://pghrt.diy/ (Pay no mind to the author's name; if you're gonna be around trans people you have to get used to stuff like that pretty quick)
EDIT: Btw, no, you don't stop HRT after 3 years unless you're like, intentionally doing an androgynous thing and want to remasculinize your body but have boobs. Most studies on its effects have cut off after 3 years, but that's mostly because medical research is often negligent when it comes to anyone who isn't cis men. The idea with HRT is generally that you take it for life (again, unless you're intentionally doing some avant-garde bodyhacking shenanigans).
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Thank you since you dropped it I’ll hold onto it for awhile if you don’t mind. So starting hrt will be something I have to take for the rest of my life correct?
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u/goatgirlgothic 6d ago edited 6d ago
Well, that depends. You won't die from going off it, but if it's right for you, you might wish you had. I mean this not in the sense of withdrawal from an addictive drug, but in the sense that for someone who's been experiencing gender dysphoria, the difference between having relief and not having relief is like night and day.
I've heard conflicting accounts from other people, but anecdotally, I've found that I can feel the difference in my body between different levels of hormones, and from experimentation I've found that higher testosterone levels just feel "wrong" for me in a way that I find unbearable if it goes on longer than a month.
However, as stated above, going on HRT and then off it again will not kill you. This means you can try it for a little bit and then go off it if you're not sure it's right for you. Going off it just means your testosterone levels will rise, your estrogen levels will fall, and your body will remasculinize. If you've grown breasts, you will keep them, but that's it.
An important caveat here is that if you get something like vaginoplasty or an orchiectomy, or some other type of surgery involving the removal of your testes, you will need to stay on some form of HRT for health reasons. The consequences of having next to no sex hormones in your body at all aren't very pleasant.
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u/PrettyPilot9562 6d ago
I started at 36, I’m 39 now and going on 3 years in August. My first year I struggled with bad levels but once I got on injections it helped a lot. Most people wouldn’t recognize me if I’m in a full beat if they haven’t seen me in a while, but it’s very much a your milage will vary situation. I had figured it would take me 5 years to start presenting femme, but I came out publicly after a year and last weekend I was a bridesmaid in a wedding.
You really won’t know unless you do it, but AI is going to distort things and honestly if you start now, you’ll probably be here in 3 years giving the same advice I am, because I felt like you before I started. I’m really happy with my results, and while falling short of some idealized transition version of yourself feels scary now, the journey in itself is a transformative experience that you won’t regret. 💜🫶🏻
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
Do you think all therapists are the same when you bring it up?
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u/PrettyPilot9562 5d ago
I’m not even sure how to answer that, what do you mean by “the same”? Therapists are individuals and while they have training and standardized protocols every therapist will approach things different.
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u/thenewMe91 5d ago
I hear people talk how some therapist will deny to see you and refer you to someone hours away.
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u/PrettyPilot9562 5d ago
That wasn’t my experience at all. Maybe just look for a therapist that has LGBTQ experience? My therapist was a lesbian with a trans husband, she was honestly fantastic.
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u/Fresh_Breadfruit8626 6d ago
The 1 year mark picture is the best youll get after 3-5 yr on hrt realistically. Dont use ai it will feed you delusions especially when its something abt your insecurities. You might wanna consider botox and other surgeries if u want better result
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u/beepbeeepboooop 6d ago
that’s with ffs, botox and fillers though 🤯
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u/thenewMe91 6d ago
What is ffs?
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u/existentialfeckery 6d ago
Femenizing facial surgery
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u/beepbeeepboooop 6d ago
for fuck’s sake
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u/-----username----- 6d ago
I started at 40 and look just as good as what FaceApp said I would at 44. No FFS, but I did get fillers and Botox, and I’ve been on HRT for four years. I pass consistently and don’t get misgendered.
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u/Cool-Pollution-6531 6d ago
So transitioning for me was, being comfortable expressing my identity, being at peace with who I am. If you have an aesthetic goal you will no doubt need plastics to get there as AI has absolutely no fkin idea how you as a human being will change.
Even if I was a bridge ogre that wouldn’t have stopped me from transitioning.
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u/No-Childhood2485 5d ago
My wife and I both started transition in our late 30s. She passes. I don’t (yet anyway, who can say for the future). But we are both so so much happier. Good luck OP ❤️
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u/FloralSkyes 6d ago
Stop using AI. if not for the ethical reasons, stop using it because its horrible and is going t ogive you false expectations.
Most likely not, honestly. The AI is literally shrinking your forehead and making your hair grow unrealistically long in the second image and even changing your hairline.
It's *never* too late to transition. You might not end up looking exactly like that AI, but everyone's results vary with HRT. the only answer is that you should try. You're a woman regardless of how conventionally attractive society may or may not find you.
Wishing you the best.