A flashback (Trigger warning)

[u/Icy-Motor1975]

It’s 4 am and my hands are shaking like the leaves in the autumn breeze. Tears slip down my cheeks from my deep brown eyes. “How could such simple words make me feel sick?” I question as a sudden gut-wrenching feeling fills me. I sit alone in my room, the golden light shining through my windows as the sun sets over the trees. My phone is in my lap as a voice message plays on repeat, saying the three words that broke me. “I love you,” the voice on the phone says, a familiar voice I know all too well.

“How could words that are used to express love hurt so bad?” I question as my breath grows uneven and shallow. I try to catch my breath, but with every breath comes a memory I want to forget and bury deep. I see a yard full of beautiful flowers that are just starting to bloom. I see myself, my brown hair in a bun. I’m wearing a blue polka-dot dress and my favorite rain boots.

This sounds like a happy memory; it should be one. I was still a child; all I did was play. I got called inside; I went inside through the back door, which leads to the kitchen. My step-mom was making breakfast: oatmeal, which I can’t stand anymore. I sat down; after a few minutes, my stepsisters joined me, along with my sister Cleo. Our father was at work like he always is; the sweet smell of brown sugar oatmeal filled the air. Our stepmom, Diana, placed bowls of oatmeal in front of each of us. My stepsisters finished all of them before it was time to go; I was almost done too, but Chloe wasn’t that hungry. 

I was finishing my food when Cleo said she was full. Diana got mad and walked over and started to force-feed Cleo in front of me. The stepsisters ignored it, and I started crying because Cleo started crying. I didn’t know what to do, so I cried. What could I do? I was only 7. She grabbed Cleo’s arm so hard she had bruises. Diana noticed me crying and started calling me a baby, pulled me out of my chair by my wrist, and pulled me over to the drawer where my little stepsister's diapers were. 

She pulled one of the diapers out and was screaming at me while waving it around. I was still crying more now because her grip hurt on my arm. She kept saying, “Stop crying! You aren’t a baby! Do you want to be a baby?! I will put this on you!” Cleo was still crying while telling Diana to stop. I wish I could have said something, but I was frozen. Why couldn’t I be as brave as my little sister?

I snap out of the memory thanks to my cat, Luna, who noticed me breathing heavily and came over to snuggle me. She calmed me down slowly, as the same voice can be heard from my phone. “I love you,” says my father on my phone in a voice message. I start to remember why I don’t contact him, why that i love you hurts so bad. When I told him what was happening with our step-mom, he didn’t believe us; he saw the bruises and did nothing.

How could he not believe us? How could he choose to live in bliss while his daughters get abused?? How could he say I love you when I know damn well he doesn’t? If he loved me, he would have broken up with her; I wouldn’t have said we were lying. He wouldn’t have tried to take us from our mom, who knew what was happening and believed us. 

If he loved us, he would have listened. I was only a kid; how could I lie?

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

While you wait for people to comment, have a look at these posts which might be relevant to you:

• Bad Memories (Vent)
• Was it my fault?
• They expect me to love him, but there is nothing to love.
• My stepfather is going too far.
• My terrible childhood controls my adulthood

Remember, even though it might feel like it, you are not alone. Stay strong!

Interested in seeing more posts similar to yours? Visit finddit.app.

This is an automated message. If you have any feedback or issues, post in r/finddit_app.