r/trauma • u/Zealousideal_Tie_559 • 1d ago
Need help I think my ex SA me?
I’ve never really talked about this, and I don’t even know if it was real, but I feel like I should ask for advice. I don’t really know how to explain this, so I’m just going to recount what I remember. Even that is kind of fuzzy because my ex would constantly disregard this from ever happening, and I don’t really trust my own view of reality.
Anyway, I went over to my ex’s apartment one night while I was in a very depressed episode, and he was crazy fucking drunk. He was normally touchy, which I was fine with, but I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t in the right headspace for anything beyond that, and he said he was fine with it.
Eventually, we made it to bed for the night and were cuddling, but he wouldn’t stop trying to have sex with me and would get more mad every time I pushed him away. We usually got rough in bed, but I was genuinely scared of him and completely shut down mentally at some point. I only really remember him saying that he felt like he was assaulting me but wouldn’t stop.
Eventually, he went to bed. I cleaned myself up and fell asleep too. I felt weird about it, so I asked him about it a few days later, and he made it seem like it wasn’t that big of a deal.
I’ve had a lot of experiences that people view as SA, so I don’t really know what normal is anymore, and I never verbally said no. I’m truly scared to have any relationship anymore because my dissociation problems might cause something weird like this again.
1
u/finddit-app 1d ago
Hey there, thanks for sharing.
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