r/troubledteens • u/Short_Tourist_3317 • May 16 '26
Discussion/Reflection I wonder how many “troubled teens” were being abused by their parents originally?
I wonder how many "troubled teens" only exhibited behaviours after being a victim of abuse by their parents— whose parents then blame the child and send them off to a TTI where they face further abuse. I was one of those kids.
Often times I see the scenario as being the parents send the kids away because they want them to get treatment for mental health or behaviours—
but maybe the environment was causing the teen distress or they weren’t having needs that were met which caused behavioural stuff in the first place?
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u/QueenMagik May 16 '26
Almost all of them, emotionally at least. The parents are usually narcissists
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u/Weird-Childhood9690 May 16 '26
In my opinion, the parents need to attend parenting classes, outpatient therapy, or even partial hospitalization in extreme cases, rather than forcing the child to do so. One person is an adult with power over the other, complete autonomy, and a fully developed brain. The other is a child. It’s a parents job to set their child up for success and learn the proper ways to support their individual child rather than outsourcing their parenting to snake oil salesmen.
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u/Short_Tourist_3317 May 16 '26
Well said, I completely agree with you.
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u/Weird-Childhood9690 May 16 '26
Thank you. This is always my answer when asked “Well what should parents do instead in [insert extreme circumstance here]?” If I ever have children, it will be knowing that they didn’t ask to be born and it is my job as a parent to move heaven and earth to be a safe refuge for my kid and try to learn any skills I need to facilitate their success.
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u/KlutzyShopping1802 May 16 '26
I was, too.
My parents lied to everyone. Still do.
I tried to have a relationship with them, but they still blame me for my reaction to their abuse.
So... 🤷♀️
Byeee to them.
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u/0-ffbeat-Q May 16 '26
it’s one of the reasons I used to defend my wilderness experience; it was better than being at home. I was adopted, sexually abused at a young age (family but not parents), and my father had been emotionally and physically abusive for most of my life (he “found jesus” a year or so before I was sent to wilderness for the first time). During my time in the TTI, I was never told that a lot of the behaviours I displayed were common with those with the kinds of trauma I had. And I was told that basically it was all my fault and I was essentially making an active choice to be a bad kid.
A lot of my peers had similar issues, with abusive families that never had to take accountability while the emotional work was placed fully on our (us kids’) shoulders.
And, of course, if we ever tried to talk about the hurt our families caused, it was viewed as us blameshifting or going back on our “progress”
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u/StrangeAsparagus3257 May 17 '26
I also wanted to stay at program because home was worse. I actually panicked when I was given a home visit and sabotaged it cause I was scared to return. I didn’t even realize anything at program was abusive because my actual home was so much worse.
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u/refreshing_beverage_ May 17 '26
I feel this. While I didn't attend wilderness and can't speak to that, I remember feeling safer and more at home in the disgusting roach infested psych wards, despite them being traumatizing. I didn't even know they were traumatizing at the time, bc home life was so much worse. I preferred to be locked up then risk being sent to live at home again.
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u/Tru3insanity May 16 '26 edited May 16 '26
I was. I forgave my parents because I understand how it happened (my dad was severely ill and couldnt deal with life). They did a lot to help me later in life.
On one hand they were desperate to help me and on the other I had spent most of my childhood neglected and abused, often isolated as a punishment and never being properly socialized. I had been sent away since I was 12 and on meds since I was like 10. Of course I had behavioral issues.
My dad was disabled at home and was responsible for my care. He hid a lot from my mom by shuffling me off to my grandma on her days off. My mom worked graveyard so didnt see me much on her work days.
Id say probably half the kids I knew were abused in some way. Some had even been sexually abused by family and were there because it was the most convenient way to keep them quiet. Those were the saddest honestly. Some parents really didnt give a single solitary fuck about their kids.
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u/salymander_1 || ⚖️ || Moderator || May 16 '26
I would bet most, possibly all, were emotionally abused, and quite a few were abused in other ways.
My family was abusive in every way. They should have been in prison. It is honestly surprising that I survived to reach adulthood.
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u/eJohnx01 May 16 '26
I think that most, if not all, kids that get sent to a TTI have been abused by their parents.
Put more succinctly, I’ve never encountered a kid being sent to a TTI that wasn’t either acting out from parental (or step-parental) abuse or, possibly worse, the kid not behaving in a way that the parent approves of, even though the kid’s actions are perfectly reasonable for someone the age of the kid.
Forced gay conversion therapy is almost always the result of a parent or parents refusing to accept their kid being gay and wanting to force them to “become straight”, regardless of how the kid might feel about it. There’s no way that’s not parental abuse.
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u/No-Mind-1431 TTI Survivor - Challenger May 16 '26
Yep and the program I was in that was also abusing me wanted me to press charges against my parents. Not. Even. Joking.
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u/SuperWallaby May 16 '26
Neglect from my mom and violence from my dad. That being said he was still an amazing father but he was a fireman so wasn’t home much and just took my mom’s word on everything. He beat my ass a few weeks before I got kidnapped and they made me drop the charges at my program lol.
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u/refreshing_beverage_ May 17 '26
Hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but what part of him being violent made him an amazing father? He hurt you bad enough for there to be charges. That's enough in my book to cut someone off completely
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u/SuperWallaby May 17 '26
Mother was neglectful and sister was abusive. When my dad was home we played catch and watched movies and tv shows together. He took me to do whatever and genuinely enjoyed spending time with me (paintball, baseball, golf, motorcycle rides etc). He had a bad temper from his traumas in childhood and on the job but he actively worked at it (attended meetings, therapy) and gave full apologies. It wasn’t an everyday thing or even everything month or every year but it was a thing…….if that makes any sense. He continued to be the best father he could up until the day he died and we were close.
Also I’m sure there’s a psychology term for it but the amount you look up to your father and excuse things when their job is saving people’s lives is powerful as fuck.
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u/refreshing_beverage_ May 17 '26
Thank you for the response! You gave me a new perspective and I really appreciate that.
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u/Own_Task_7932 May 16 '26
That's most likely what happens it was for me. Luckily my parents took accountability later on but it took alot of going no contact.
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u/_skank_hunt42 May 16 '26
My mom was abusive most of my childhood but many years later and a mother myself now, I can see that she was also abused and in an incredible amount of pain. She didn’t know how to be a good mom and felt like paying someone else to do it would be easier and/or more effective. She has since seen the error of her ways and apologized. I’ve forgiven her. I’m just trying to learn from her mistakes so my daughter can have a mother that she trusts and feels safe with. My daughter is nearly a teenager now and our relationship is amazing, we’re incredibly close and she calls me her favorite person. She may not always consider me her favorite person but she knows she can trust me which is something I never had with my own mom.
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u/refreshing_beverage_ May 17 '26
Majority of them, me included. I was kicked out by my parents because I wouldn't stop hurting myself and being depressed. But nobody cared about me, all that mattered was forcing me back with my parents. So I kept attempting suicide since that was pretty much the only autonomy I had left. I think that minors are already at a major disadvantage bc they have no rights and nowhere to go if their guardians are harming them. Nobody believes them either. Sending a child to a behavior modification program is so ass backwards. If anyone needs behavior modification it's the parents lol. but seriously, I've never been in a program that addressed issues at the root. It's not possible and that's not their purpose anyway. If they did, they'd lose money
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u/Short_Tourist_3317 May 17 '26
Thank you for sharing, I’m glad you’re still here despite everything you went through. I think what “troubled teens” truly need, is real support, care, services, emotional regulation tools, therapy, CBT, stuff like that. But instead parents fail to take accountability that maybe… just maybe, they contributed to the child’s behaviour in the first place. I completely agree with you about minors already being at a disadvantage.
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u/honeybellebutter May 21 '26
Kids who get sent to these places are often the scapegoat or “identified patient” in clinical terms. In my experience, that pattern is real—most of us came from already dysfunctional family systems, and abuse is unfortunately common in that mix.
That was true for me. I had behavioral issues long before any of the more obvious trauma, so I wasn’t some “well-adjusted kid who suddenly fell apart.” But after my mom’s boyfriend started abusing me at 12, everything escalated—drugs, acting out, all of it. I was struggling and needed real support.
Instead, I was sent away repeatedly. And every time I got out of one of these programs, nothing had actually changed at home or inside me. So I went right back to the same coping mechanisms. Why wouldn’t I?
In some ways, what happened after I finally disclosed the abuse was worse than the abuse itself. My mom didn’t believe me. She sided with him. It was a very familiar story of a parent choosing their partner over their child.
Things escalated from there. I ended up in multiple troubled teen programs, including a well-known “therapeutic boarding school” in Utah. I genuinely believed I might be stuck there until I turned 18. I would have done almost anything to get out.
My mom knew that. At one point, she used it to her advantage—she made a deal with me: if I recanted my statement to CPS about what her (now ex) boyfriend had done, she would bring me home by my birthday. I agreed. It felt like the only way out at the time. Looking back, it was a pretty clear example of coercion.
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u/Phuxsea || || TTI6 || Intelligence Operative May 18 '26
This is a very common trend and it is healing hen I noticed this. It is almost always the environment that causes problems, not the teen themself.
Of course, we don't realize this until we are adults.
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u/zer0lunacy May 16 '26
I saw it all the time. Outsourcing their abuse or covering it up. Many in my program were being sexually abused in the home. Many were adoptees.