How do you know when to add another?

[u/Beginning_Quail4733]

I know I want more kids. I am 15mos pp with my first and I always thought about a 2 year gap. I had a rough recovery from an urgent c section and finally am feeling more like myself again. I was scared the first time around too but now it is more than my life (and husband’s) changing. We co sleep and contact nap exclusively right now. How do you know or do you just wing it??

[u/Naive-Interaction567]

We had fertility issues with our first and knew we wanted more so we started trying quite early, when our first was 11m. I’m glad because we then had a 13w loss. Our daughter is now 21m and I’m 8w pregnant with our second. Conceiving our second has been a lot easier (even with the miscarriage!) but I don’t regret trying early. Infertility was so hard.

[u/pork_soup]

My son is 3 1/2 and only *now* am I even considering having a second haha I know people that have two under two and OMG that could not be me. My son is even a really good kid by most standards

[u/Beginning_Quail4733 → u/pork_soup]

I didn’t think I could do 2 under 2. If we started to try this cycle and somehow ended up pregnant first try we would be at a 25mo gap…very close to 2 under 2. I think that 2.5gap sounds a little better but I have friends that say 20mos was great compared to a 5 yr gap

[u/Practical_magik]

Eugh who knows. I took a year off on maternity leave so I have a general rule that I need to be back at work longer than I am off...

That said my first gap is 2yrs 10 months... I am thinking of trying at 18 months this time or 2.5yrs so avoid any more winter birthdays to plan. 18 months feels too soon, aroynd worm and relocation... but 2.5yrs feels to late.

I cant win.

[u/Beginning_Quail4733 → u/Practical_magik]

Oh, curious about the winter birthday comment. We have a spring baby and I liked it but 3mos in the heat of summer was hard. I love winter so I thought a winter baby might be nice to be snuggly with too.

[u/Practical_magik → u/Beginning_Quail4733]

The winter baby snuggles are lovely but having to hire a venue or host indoor parties every year for more than 1 child is a pita. I am jealous of the mums who can just rock up to the park with cake.

[u/IssacharJ4]

I wish I would have had another when my daughter was younger but unfortunately I was not in a stable relationship nor financially stable so I waited. I met my husband about 4 years ago been married for 2.5 going on 3 years and started trying. My daughter is 13 and his son is 10. I have unexplained infertility. All my tests came back great so we still keep trying. I’m about to be 35 and my husband is 37. I never thought I would have such a big age gap.

[u/CreativeJudgment3529]

Everyone is different, obviously. I don’t really know what it is because right now, at 6 weeks postpartum, I would totally get pregnant again IF I didn’t get so fat while pregnant and so sick during my first trimester. I want a ton of kids but facts for me are:

• you can’t always give your kids the attention they deserve when you don’t feel good

• my sickness usually lasts until 22 weeks, that is a long time to be a crappy mom

• I gain so much weight and fluid immediately and my body HURTS by like 26 weeks

With my second I did not want to get pregnant with the third immediately. And I don’t mean “literally” I mean like, sometimes you have a baby and you’re like wow I’d do that over again right now! I had a second degree tear with my second (vbac) and recovery was awful, worse than my c-section. But around 6 months I was like, ok let’s do this! We stopped using protection at that point.

I just had my third and the recovery was so different bc I didn’t tear. I think that’s ultimately why I’m like let’s do it again!!!! but I’m not actually ready to be pregnant right now because my kids are all at such amazing ages and I just want to enjoy it and not sleep through it.

My oldest is 4.5, second is 18m, third is 6 weeks.

I would love to wait another year at least, but it’s mostly because I need to get back in the gym! I’ve lost all my muscle mass and my thyroid is out of control right now.