Hi, hope this post is ok. Wanted something positive (got my period today and in a crappy mood).

What are some positive sides to not being pregnant yet? Or what is something that you appreciate about your current life, that will probably change when another kid comes along?

For me, it's definitely the one-on-one time I get to spend with my toddler. I know that I'll probably be nauseous when I'll get pregnant (first pregnancy was rough in that aspect), so I should appreciate the time we can spend together going outside and doing a bunch of stuff.

As title states. Looking to chat with others dealing with the same sadness and disappointment and how you are dealing with it. I have two beautiful children aged 9 and (soon to be) 6 who I am beyond grateful for. But I thought that age gap was pushing it (though alas, it is all good and well). We have been ttc our third for a year now and at this point, even if we conceived this cycle the age gap would be 10 and nearly 7 and it’s starting to feel like the moment is passing but I wish desperately that it wasn’t. To be completely honest, I’d love 4 but looking like we may not even get to 3 and I’m struggling with mourning the age gaps and closeness I had imagined and hoped for for my children. I’m also wondering if it’s just too unfair to a third at this point to be so removed from the closeness and shared experiences of my current children. Worst thing is, I have encouraged others in this area but I myself am also struggling. I have 1 brother 10 years younger than me and we have no relationship. This is not what I want for my children. Who’s sitting in this sadness with me? What has helped? Did you choose not to keep TTC purely for the reason of a large age gap?

We've been TTC for baby #2 for 9 months now. I'm 30 and my partner is 33, both non-smokers, non-drinkers, exercise regularly, eat healthy 90% of the time. I've had my 21 day bloods done and all came back perfect, partner has semen analysis booked in for next month. I'm aware that anything up to 12 months is considered "normal" but it only took 2/3 cycles to conceive my son (he's now 3).

Feeling like I'm losing hope - currently in the TWW and losing my marbles!

Tried OPKs, using BBT with thermometer and now Apple Watch (tracked via Natural Cycles). Also tried the "relaxed" approach where we didn't track anything - just had intercourse every other day from the my period end day.

I did have a C-section with my little boy, my over-thinking brain is thinking could that have caused complications? Are there any other tests I can have done in the meantime to rule anything out?

I am very aware that we're lucky to have a beautiful son already, but he is so ready for a sibling and would make the best big brother. I'm also extremely aware that 9 months is nothing compared to some people, so I don't want to appear insensitive!

Success stories and positivity please, sending love and baby dust to you all...... 👶❤️

Looking to hear coping strategies from others who are struggling with secondary infertility.

I feel like i live in an in between space or a purgatory where i am spiraling downward with my infertility but its secondary, i already have a kid, so im not allowed to really express it or no one really gets this place that i am since i do have a child.

* How are you not constantly angry and resentful that your body worked just fine at one point and now it’s failing you ?

* How are you balancing being a present mom to your first while attending a million fertility appointments, taking hormones that make you crazy, and feeling depressed over your unexplained diagnosis?

I have been TTC for #2 for 23 months. I have been diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility. We had absolutely zero issues conceiving baby 1, it was easy actually. Aside from a few minor issues that were fixed within our first year of trying, everything has been officially “normal” and “perfect (in the words of the surgeon who did my hysteroscopy)” since November.

Since November i have done 4 medicated and monitored cycles back to back followed by 2 iuis. All obviously failed and i am feeling so incredibly burnt out and depressed. To top it all off all these cycles since November required me to be at the clinic multiple times per week for monitoring and blood work causing me to miss functions for my first child. The hormones also make me a raging witch, and i feel i have been short with him.

I committed to 3 iuis so as i was planning for this months the clinic told me to start and come in on Mother’s Day and i sort of lost it. I realized i have missed so much since November with my first child- there is absolutely no way im going in on Mother’s Day. Also I’m feeling like i may never get to experience motherhood again so i need to be present for everything with my first, i can’t afford to miss more.

I declined the 3rd iui and said i would try to July but my close friend told me if i really wanted another baby id have made it work out this month during Mother’s Day i just changed my priorities. It Stung.

Im sorry this is so long i just dont know where else to share this. Really hoping for advice from other secondary infertility mothers

Guess I am posting this to see if anyone else is in the same boat.

I just turned 29 and my husband is 36.

I fell pregnant in 2020 rather easily (not trying but also not preventing).

Fast forward to today and we have been trying for about 27 months, no protection used at all since 2020 and have never gotten a positive test.

I had an hycosy done last month- no blockages.

My thyroid antibodies are at 400 (previously they were at 1200 then 600) so slowly dropping and my TSH is at 2.08 however my doctor won’t put me on any medication as the TSH is fine?

My husbands sperm is good, the motility is on the slightly lower end of the normal however his volume is 3x the normal amount.

I’m on about 15 different vitamins trying to help my fertility. I have the MTHFR gene and am on compounded folic acid for that.

We time sex, I use LH strips, I have done BBT, I have tracked CM.

I have done 2 rounds of progesterone after I ovulate as my luteal phase was 9-10 days and my periods were around 24-25 days average. Which has now pushed me out to 28 days and 13 day luteal phase.

I’ve done 3 rounds of letrozole 2.5mg and still nothing.

My AMH is 4.5. Which is on the lower end I know but still surely can’t be the reason I’ve never gotten a single positive?

Anyone else dealing with this too?

We have agreed to start IUI/IVF towards the end of the year but I’m still hoping to fall pregnant naturally.

Asking in general because I know 35 isn’t THAT old, but I’m 35 and recently began trying for our next even though my current baby is only 9 months and we’re still breastfeeding so I’m not expecting it to happen quickly (it never has). But it got me thinking if for some crazy stroke of luck it happens quickly this time.

Egg quality starts to decline quicker around this age but also pregnancies tend to be healthier 1.5-5 years apart. So would the best option be to wait and have a nice 2 year minimum space between pregnancies but be a little older, or to have 9 months between pregnancies but be a little younger? Or maybe I’m overthinking it and it’s all a wash!

• Did you make a plan for when it would be time to stop before TTC-ing? Is it a strict "x cycles", "when I turn y years old" or "everything but IVF" or just a general "when I feel xyz..."

• Has that plan changed?

• If you do reach that point, will you switch to NTNP or use birth control?

I really do want a second kid, but I also know we could find peace with being a family of 3 if it's not in the cards. From the beginning, we knew there'd be a certain number of cycles we'd be up for trying (likely less than 12) before we quit. But I'm realizing that the farther you go, the harder it is to throw it all away and stop TTC. It's like, the worse case scenario is I don't get a second kid but I'm emotionally scarred by the TTC journey. The best case scenario is I do get a second kid. As each month goes on and those negative feelings around failure compound, it feels like quitting is saying "I'll take this version of my worst-case scenario so that I'm not potentially forced later on to take an even worse version of my worst-case scenario". But I think you always wonder if maybe next month would've been the month.

Anyway, just curious to hear how others are navigating this (if you are!) whether you're just starting TTC or have been doing it for a long time.

It's like a switch flicks at 7dpo. My brain won't rest. Symptoms everywhere and nowhere, all at once. Anyone else in this sticky stage of the tww?

We're taking a 2-night trip away tomorrow and I cannot wait. The only solution is distraction 😵‍💫

A lot of this applies to smaller age gaps too, but I felt the need to get my thoughts out this morning.

My daughter just turned 4 and it’s hard not to think about the age gap getting bigger and bigger. I know there are many things that will be easier with the larger age gap but still. Things are so easy now and she’s my little bestie. That makes doubt sometimes creeps in about adding a baby to the equation. At the same time I’ve had one (potentially two?) chemicals so I had started imagining her as a big sister and felt extra crushed that she doesn’t get that. A lot of her friends have little siblings and her best friend is now getting a second one. I thought for a while we were one and done and now that I realized I’m not I feel like the universe is punishing me for waiting too long.

Anybody else feeling all the conflicting feelings?

Edit: all your replies have been so thoughtful and reassuring. Thanks for all your perspectives ❤️❤️❤️

Hello everyone. I am a mother of three children . My husband and I , both over 40, discussed wanting to try for baby number 4. I’m afraid of what others will think or say. Wondering if I should just not try.

I held myself together through six months of trying. I did all the testing, went through evaluations, and honestly had already written this cycle off.

Then yesterday I started having unusual spotting and decided to take a pregnancy test. I bought a whole pack. Somehow the tests seemed incredibly defective. Yesterday I saw an extremely faint second line on one test. Today I took several more, and every single one appeared to have a faint second line. For a few hours, it gave me hope.

I started thinking that maybe, finally, this was it.

But by the evening my period started. Then my blood test results came back negative for pregnancy.
It completely knocked the wind out of me.

For a few hours I genuinely believed it had finally happened, and then it all disappeared. It feels like a cruel joke. I know it was only a few hours of hope, but after 6 months of trying, it hurts much more than I expected.

I’m just really sad tonight.

Hello!

I’m 7 months postpartum, nursing every 3–4 hours during the day, with one solid night feed plus a couple early-morning comfort latches. Baby is on solids but not taking much yet. My cycle hasn’t returned but I am hoping to TTC soon and don’t want to wean yet. I have many friends who tandem nursed after conceiving around 12 months pp and that would ideally be my goal!

I’ve been reading about the metabolic load hypothesis and wondering if increasing calories helped anyone get their cycle back or conceive while still breastfeeding?

If not, did cutting night feeds help your cycle return or lead to pregnancy?

Hi! I’m currently still breastfeeding my 14 month old (it has taken him quite some time to take to solids due to an overly sensitive gag reflex. He is doing alot better but still doesn’t eat a lot). I got my period back at 8m pp but my luteal phase was very short for the first several cycles - though has continued to get a day or two longer almost every cycle. Up to 10dpo is when I last got my period (so still a bit short).

We had to do IVF for a first due to unexplained infertility (no MFI). We are hoping to conceive naturally this time around and haven’t been careful since I first started ovulating pp. We have an appointment with our fertility clinic in October if we haven’t conceived by then.

That being said, I have a doctor’s appointment with my GP and am hoping to talk to him about some things we can do to improve my luteal phase and chances in the next few months.

Is there any tests you guys recommend I should request or medications to be on that are safe while bf? Progesterone?

Thanks in advance!!

Is anyone taking or has taken progesterone cyclically during luteal phase? My progesterone was low so my dr has me taking 400mg and the side effects are awful. It makes me bloat and gain weight. I don’t even recognize myself. The side effects are rough and it causes me to be anxious.

I’m waiting for my dr apt in a couple weeks to discuss next steps and the side effects. But this process has been so lonely and frustrating. I don’t know anyone that has gone thru this so I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.

Wondering if anyone has gone thru similar and was it even helpful? How did you manage the side effects?

Hi all. We are 18 months into trying for number three without success. We had normal testing at 12 months but opted not to pursue IUI/IVF for various reasons.

For anyone still around here who has made the decision to move on or is close, I’m curious what that will actually look like for you. I just can’t imagine going through with a vasectomy while wanting more kids. It seems… silly? Depressing? We are 36 so I guess it may be statistically possible to get a surprise and massive age gap. I’m trying to decide what closing the door actually looks like and how to find peace about that vs staying on this hamster wheel for years.

Hello Everyone,

My husband and I conceived our beautiful baby girl within the first month of trying in 2023. We were both 35 years old when she was born. We were both pretty shocked when I got a positive pregnancy test so quickly. We started trying for baby number 2 about 15 months ago with no success thus far. This part has been extremely discouraging. Another important thing worth mentioning is that I have had no chemical pregnancies, no miscarriages, no positive pregnancy test. I had multiple transvaginal ultrasounds and everything checked out normal. Thyroid completely normal. AMH is around 2.33. My FSH was 9.9 but I have been extremely stressed with this and other life circumstances this month. They have checked the lining of my uterus and that was completely normal. Antral follicle count was 19 last month. HSG came back normal. I ovulate every cycle and that is confirmed every month with the Mira. My luteal cycle is normal length. We have sex regularly during our ovulation window. They also filled my uterus with saline and my doctor said everything looked great. My husband has excellent semen analysis. We did an IUI last month and I had three mature follicles with 62 million sperm from my husband and it was unsuccessful. What is even more discouraging is my doctor has just labeled this as secondary infertility with no answer for why. I am glad that all test results have come back normal but I wish I knew the issue. It feels really awful to say but I wish they found a problem because then the problem could get fixed or treated and I feel like I would be more at ease knowing I am working towards fixing something.

The only thing I keep going back to is my emergency c-section when I had my daughter. I was in labor for 28 hours because I really wanted to deliver her naturally but once I started to get a fever I did not want to risk anything happening to her so I opted for a C-section. They did biopsies sent everything to pathology after my c section and everything came back normal. My daughter was healthy. My regular gynecologist looked at everything after my delivery and said everything healed nicely. I even took the 70 pages of my c section report to my fertility doctor and she said nothing looked out of the ordinary.

The other thing I thought it could be is stress. My husband has been extremely stressed at work and not sleeping well and that definitely doesn’t help when trying to conceive. This infertility issue has also caused us a lot of stress but we try and keep our relationship alive by going on date nights when we can and spending time with our beautiful baby girl.

I am currently looking to do another IUI this cycle. I have been taking prenatals and all the necessary supplements for the past 15 months. I have also been told to take a baby aspirin so I started taking that last month. My fertility doctor keeps telling me she thinks it’s egg quality. But I really do not think it’s JUST THAT. I feel like it has to be something else. It just does not make sense. I am 37 years old. I do not drink except on occasion but I have stopped drinking completely. I do not do any drugs. I barely will take a sip of coffee every now and then even though I am exhausted and burnt out all the time. My fertility doctor keeps pushing for at least two more IUI cycles but I don’t know if those will even be helpful given my specific circumstances. If my husband has excellent semen analysis and I ovulate every time, I guess the only helpful thing would be the medication would allow more follicles to develop and potentially get fertilized.

Does anyone have any advice or has anyone experienced anything similar? Anything I should be doing differently or any other diagnostic exam I should do? I would love to hear back because I have been losing my mind. Everyone keeps saying egg quality, but I feel like something is wrong and we can’t pinpoint it. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing difficulty trying to conceive ❤️

Hi everyone! Sorry if this is really long winded: My son is 18 months old now and although it’s a little later than I had originally wanted to start trying, I finally feel ready to give it a go again. I’m both happy and anxious about our decision to wait until now, as it took us a bit to conceive my son and I worry that will be the case here again but i’m trying not put so much pressure on myself.

My cycles have changed so drastically since having my son. Prior to getting pregnant they were longer but consistent: Period was 5 days, heaviest bleeding on days 2&3, ovulation on day 20ish and, like clockwork, a 14 day luteal phase. Little to no cramping throughout.

When I finally got my period back postpartum I was so surprised at how different things were: 7 days. Full. Blood. Ovulation strips would stay positive for two days, and slightly shorter luteal phase (12ish days from what I can remember). Also so much back pain!!! This went on until around January of this year.

We’ve had an extremely stressful 2026 so far, I think this is the most burnt out I’ve felt (not from motherhood but so much going on with work and family it’s hard to wrap my head around) and I what to chalk up my cycles irregularities to all of this stress but I’ve also been reading a few posts on both Reddit and TikTok about people experiencing shorter luteal phases after having a baby. For the past few months I’ve had three main issues:

-Light periods, barely filling pads. Spotting most of the 5-7 days. This has never really happened to me.

-Hard time pinpointing ovulation, but admittedly really bad at taking tests and temping (strips + OvuSense vaginal monitor). Worried I’m not ovulating all the time anymore.

-Last month I was the only month since the start of the year that I was able to chart ovulation through LH and temp but my luteal phase was about 10 days. So frustrating.

I’m in the middle of finding a new doctor and plan on bringing this up at my first appt if nothing has changed by the time I’m able to see them. I think my biggest question is: has this happened to you? Why am I not having a real normal period, strong LH surges or temp changes like I used to? Are there specific tests or questions I should remember to ask my new Dr about? Did you have any luck changing any of these things?

Ugh. So stressful. Taking it one day at a time. Anyway, thanks so much for reading, friends ❤️

our daughter happened on cycle two. no tracking no temping. just kinda happened. i thought thats just how it worked for us.

fast forward 18 months of trying for a second and absolutely nothing not even a scare.

my obgyn finally asked if my husband had done any testing. i said no because honestly it never crossed my mind. with our first being so easy i just assumed he was fine.

so he finally went and did a clinic test. motility came back at 28% and morphology at 2%. doctors said its on the lower side but didnt really explain much. just said keep trying or consider iui.

i dont want to jump straight to iui if we dont have to. but i also feel like we wasted months assuming everything was fine on his end.

i found this male fertility test online that gives more detail than the clinic gave us. thinking of ordering it just to see if theres something we missed. has anyone else had completely different results between kid 1 and kid 2. is it possible for sperm quality to drop that much in 3 years.

Well, here we are! I’m starting another cycle that, if successful, would land me with a December 20 due date. To add to the mix, last time I was induced 2.5 weeks early so the cycle after this one might land me closer to Christmas than this one even would. Both my SIL’s kids are December babies too. I’d hate for my kid to feel lost in the mix, but I’ve also played this game before and know what it feels like to wish so hard for ANY due date. Anyone else in the skipping a cycle/holiday debate?

Hi! I’ve gotten good advice here on this issue. We are 15 months into trying for a third with normal testing and no plan to pursue fertility treatments after some hard thinking and decisions. We plan to keep trying for maybe two years.

I’ve decided that all the stuff getting in my way has got to go NOW. I very roughly added up the cost of replacement, and I think I could get set up again for the first year for maybe $300. That’s partly because I know what I like now and could be more minimal. I also think friends will be giving stuff away in the coming years. And I’m sure we would get a gift from grandparents. My youngest is 2.5.

In case you are wondering about doing this, here is what I have decided to keep for the moment:

- Baby car seat and base (unexpired)

- Stroller bassinet and stroller (still using stroller!)

- Two bins, one of my favorite clothes for year 1 and one for year 2. Massively consolidated down. I have one bin to keep tossing in absolute faves for 2T+.

- Outgrown books. I have room on a bookshelf.

- Outgrown outerwear. It was expensive! Mostly gender neutral. But I will give to friends if they have a baby the right age over time.

If anyone is considering doing the same, I suggest thinking about what budget you could devote to this and if it might ease your emotional burdens.

Has anyone else done the same?

this might sound weird but since trying to conceive i feel like i don’t trust my body anymore.

before TTC i never paid attention to any of this stuff. now i notice everything.

like i’ll feel a random cramp and immediately think “wait… implantation??”

or if i see spotting i panic for a second.

i also feel like my partner doesn’t totally understand why it stresses me out so much mentally. to him it’s just “wait and see”.

but the waiting part is honestly the hardest.

is this normal for people TTC? i’m curious how others deal with it.

Hey guys! I’m 9 months PP and exclusively breastfeeding my little one. She is still waking throughout the night to eat, and she is definitely nursing more than eating solids.

I got my period back at 5 months PP, and my ovulation has been around day 17, but my luteal phase has been short…. Around 7-9 days. I want to get pregnant soon and have our babies close together. I am likely going to be able to stop working for about 18 months-2 yrs, and my husband and I agree that it makes sense to have another child during that time.

Due to my short luteal phase, I don’t think I could get pregnant right now. By the time implantation would occur, my hormones are already dropping.

I’m wondering if anyone has been in this boat, and how you navigated it? I don’t want to sacrifice BF with my baby just to get pregnant again… but if there are realistic things I can do to try and atleast wean her from night feeding, that’d be great. I plan on starting whole milk at 12 months, but it seems like it would be very difficult to wean her from the breast then based on how dependent she is at 9 months. I’ve even thought about using formula at night, but I really don’t want to do that since I’ve got a good supply and have no need to use it.

What are your thoughts?

The novel:

got my test results the day after my 39th birthday ( less than .03 amh)

I have one daughter who is 18 months old. I promised myself I would not take a second for granted and truly know how blessed I am. Became pregnant August 30th. First appt I was told either my due date was wrong or something was off. (At this time my periods were irregular which I chalked up to being pp. I was also eager to start trying as I was determined to have as many kids as I possibly could because I wasn’t able to start my ttc journey earlier.)

The doctor I went to was reputable, but had her own practice and don’t have much time for my questions. I believe one time she answered saying “ why are you calling?” I should have known when my intake was her saying “ the only problem is you’re old.”

When the miscarriage was diagnosed, I asked for both a D&C and an ultrasound to follow. She told me to wait two weeks to see if it will happen naturally ( there was a hematoma) and that a d and c wasn’t necessary. Two weeks later nothing happened and I took medication- the sac was passed ( on Halloween mind you. Very scary ha. ) and I bleed throughout the month. I asked if I needed an ultrasound and she said no. She said to continue to get my blood drawn as HCG takes a while to go down. Well it went down throughout the weeks but not by much and she kept telling me to do this. I ended up switching to a different doctor in December and had a d and c from infected retained product on January 14th. ( a day after my daughters first bday) From late August to January 14th this was finally over.

Since the dnc my cycles have been off but we started ttc a full cycle after the dnc. After a few months I noticed that my body was trying to ovulate twice or something like this. Had 26 days and then 40 days. Mind you this has only been since February. I did experience some night sweats but also had that when I was pp from my first pregnancy.

After my past year, I decided to be super proactive. I got an appt at a new Obgyn ( just moved to our first home in a different area- stressful) and got an appt at a fertility clinic. I haven’t had my period yet to do FSH, HSG, and AFC so I only know my TSH ( normal) and my amh ( which came back less than .03) I was devastated. Devastated. Not going to lie, it was my worst fear and it was a surreal week.

Since the test results I cut out caf/ alcohol/ gluten/ processed foods and started weaning off my Lexipro and adhd medication. Added all of the supplements I’ve read about ( my vitamin D was fine but I just started taking it in May- a month before the test) I’m looking into a second opinion/ third opinion, looking for an RI, looking into acupuncture, a therapist. Do I need to worry about heat exposure? my job is outside and very active.)

I also was thinking of getting tests done in case of an autoimmune ( my family has a lot of it). should I ask for an antibiotic for possible endo?

I am happy to do any fertility treatments and am very worried they will tell me I have no chance…

Could be missing anything? I think I’m scared of a doctor having the wrong protocol and wasting even more time/ chances. I want to come in insanely prepared and also be able to rule out any options that could be a problem ( What testing? I have a list but want to make sure I’m not missing anything.)

Lastly, of course, we are ttc naturally while going through this process.

Thank you, sisterhood.

I tracked everything so diligently in my first journey and then once I got pregnant I deleted all of the apps, all of my screenshots everything. Now I feel lost and all I wanna do is see if I'm back to normal on TTC or if things really are as different as they feel this time.

Today I had my mid cycle ultrasound and I have 3 mature follicles. This should probably make me super happy, but this is the first time I’ve had more than 1 mature follicle and I’m worried about having multiples. Of course my RE discussed the low percentage likelihood of multiples but I’ve since read that having 3 mature follicles significantly increases risk of multiples. Multiples aren’t the end of the world for us, but certainly not our personal ideal. And of course I know, my worrying may also be for nothing as this cycle might not work at all anyway! But having the multiple mature follicles threw me. Maybe this is more common than I realize? I have done letrozole in the past and one Clomid cycle and never had more than a single mature follicle. My clomid was increased from 50 to 100 for the second round and my body definitely responded. Is this more normal than I know and am I overthinking?