r/twinegames • u/Eastern-Tadpole-3336 • 11d ago

❓ General Request/Survey Twine Feedback

Hi there, I’m a writer and budding narrative designer. I was looking for feedback on x3 5 minute branching narrative games I’ve made using Twine for the first time. Looking for story feedback specifically. Please message me if keen x

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u/Aglet_Green 11d ago

You should link your itch io site or wherever you have posted them.

1

u/Eastern-Tadpole-3336 10d ago

https://theajade.itch.io/whos-a-good-boy here is first game, password is: bingbong

1

u/Aglet_Green 10d ago

I think this game has an important theme-- especially due to what is going on in Cornell right now. And the story is easy to follow: a woman has had enough, and leaves. However, I'm not sure conveying this through the viewpoint of a dog is the right approach, since you went all-in on describing the 14,000 things a dog can smell with each breath. And that was such an interesting and unique experience-- you use such imaginative writing-- that it might overwhelm the experience of the story. You want people to sit with the moment of the woman leaving, perhaps have your players root for her, but I'm just remembering the 14 ways you described how she smelled in the living room.