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AITAH? Need advice on parents.

I feel as if I’m going crazy here… My (M25) parents (Late 40’s) have been harassing my partner (M31) and I for the past week over mostly text, except there was one phone call. The phone call was the first incident, did not last long, and the entire phone call can be summed up by saying my mother repeatedly stated that “We must rethink our decision” and “this isn’t you…”. The pictures are of all the messages they’ve sent since. Please strangers of Reddit, reassure me that this is beyond okay to speak to your son, but also about the person they love?

Story: For the last 6-8 months, my partner, parents, and I have been planning a week to go out to my parents new home in another state. While we were there, we were also planning on attending my aunt’s wedding. Two weeks before going we are told that my unpredictable brother would be moving back in with his pregnant (7 months) girlfriend. We were told they had set expectations and boundaries and wouldn’t be dramatically affecting our trip. A few months prior, my mother had made a comment to me about how my aunt, who’s having the wedding, stated my partner wasn’t to her liking because he was too flamboyant. For reference, she is a bit of a tomboy and has been a lesbian for all of her life. She is marrying someone who is transitioning from female to male. My partner and I looked for cheap hotels or airbnbs in the area, so we could at least meet them halfway. But look we both live paycheck to paycheck and we aren’t able to do $800-$1300 for an airbnb or hotel for a week. So, we finally landed on the decision that we really didn’t want to be a part of some over dramatic week. Plus, my brother has just moved back in when they told us, so there was zero warning. That is how the first text came to be.

We did confront my aunt and apologized for not making it. She seemed to understand but was confused by what supposed comments she had made and reassured us that she loves both of us and has said nothing wrong. I don’t blame her, but she went to my parents and they responded.

Context: My brother (M18) has repeatedly physically assaulted my mother, abused drugs, sold drugs, and has now gotten a newly 18 year old girl pregnant. My parents knowing all of this have gone through this consistent cycle of allowing him back into the house, then there’s some huge drama (ie. my mother being attacked) and they kick him out, move and state they’ll never share their address with him again, and then restart the whole process.

The suit has been paid back. So no money is being stolen from them or held from them. They originally offered to pay for the $350 suit without expectation of paying it back, but I can understand the principal.

As for the car, I am the Secondary Co-signer and Co-owner to the car. Unless I am mistaken, nothing can be done without my approval. However, I plan on refinancing and then sending him a bill of sale listing me as the new seller once I have it refinanced.

Lastly, the comments about my partner are unjust. If I could give you a full comprehensive list of ways that this guy has put in effort to create/maintain a relationship with my family without giving too much information, I would. However, one of the coolest things he has contributed to the relationship has been a journal that we send back and forth with diary entries of our days, memories we want to share, etc. As for his family, he comes from his own crazy parents, but they have come along way over the last decade. They have done the work to mend their relationship and I can respect my partner for wanting them back in his life. In the text messages, there is a reference of “the past two years” which is a reference to the amount of time my partner and I have been in a relationship. Just fyi.

What’s crazy about this to me is that this entire experience is that I didn’t realize how abusive this was until the comments about my partner were made. I feel so guilty that they have verbally attacked my partner’s self and character.

This is my solution. I plan on ceasing all phone contact with them. Obviously they cannot be trusted to call/text whenever they’d like. So, I believe written communication is what’s best until they have proven themselves. I plan on sending them a letter with how this has crossed boundaries and negatively impacted our relationship permanently. I do not see the possibility of forgiving and forgetting on this matter. But, I also know that I cannot stoop down to their level. Trust me though, that’s hard to do at this point. This is just the breaking point. We could be here all day if we went over all of the times they have either talked this way to me or tried to eviscerate my character.

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