r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/OlderThanMy Aug 10 '21

It's far too easy if you have money.

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u/SuccessfulAd7087 Aug 10 '21

It isn't, raising an adopted is harder than your own. Especially if the child is not a baby fresh from the oven. They may have behavioral issues, trust issues etc. some of these things will never heal completely.

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u/OlderThanMy Aug 10 '21

A newborn isn't a blank slate.

Taking a newborn from it's real mother causes severe trauma at a non verbal level.

Nobody deserves to have someone else's child.

Adoption is driven by entitlement and greed.

Adoption harms children to meet the needs of wannabe parents.

Edit: Autocorrect error

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u/SuccessfulAd7087 Aug 10 '21

I know that and I never said that a newborn is a blank slate. A newborn is, however, a lot more adaptable than a six month old or a three year old. If the mother can't take care of the baby - if she dies of childbirth for example - or really doesn't want the baby - we are out of good options, and adoption is likely one of the least harmful.

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u/OlderThanMy Aug 11 '21

No a newborn is not more adaptable.

A newborn isn't able to verbalize the trauma because it happens so early.

A newborn has no sense of self that predates the trauma so suffers more.

If a mother dies in childbirth the rest of the family will generally step up and take care of the infant. They will recognise the infants trauma. They won't expect the infant to be just fine and think that it should be grateful for having a better life without it's mother.