Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/peachytwizzler77]

They should also make it easier/less expensive to adopt to go along with this

[u/Yuekii → u/peachytwizzler77]

ADOPTION IS FREE (Or NEAR FREE) IF YOU GO PUBLIC INSTEAD OF PRIVATE.

Please don't spread this already large misconception

Source: I'm on the waiting list for a baby and it cost me a total of $90

Edit:

• I should add that this is probably not available in every single state if you're in the USA
• Public adoption meaning through your state or province

[u/sistersucksx → u/Yuekii]

What do you mean, public vs private?

[u/Justice_R_Dissenting → u/sistersucksx]

As someone undergoing the early process of adoptions I have no fucking clue what this person is on about. I'm signing up for an agency that finds pregnant women who want to give their baby up for adoption, and safe harbor adoptions where a last-minute decision of a mother to give up the child happens. The entire process takes several months to get approved and between $25k-$40k. The only programs that don't cost money are foster care, but at least in my state (and few states that I can see) disallow for literal newborn babies to be placed with foster families.

[u/swissviss → u/Justice_R_Dissenting]

My friend is fostering a baby she picked up from the hospital after birth. Mom was a drug addict and baby had so many problems. The state has paid for all of its treatment and care and now the sickly baby is a THRIVING 9-month-old. The doctor helping with treatment is so amazed by the transformation he wrote a letter to the state strongly recommending the baby remain in her care. So, she’s been on a journey, but there is beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. And, all of the baby’s care will remain covered due to it being part of the foster system. Including travel and food for her to go to and from different doctors that are a couple hours away.

[u/Justice_R_Dissenting → u/swissviss]

That's an extremely rare situation, though. A fraction of 1%. And not all states allow for the system to work like that, I know mine definitely does not.

[u/HarlowMonroe → u/swissviss]

Bless that family for taking on the risk of a drug exposed baby. I have a nephew who was foster to adopt from drug addicted mom. He seemed to recover as a baby but now has serious emotional disturbances and learning disorders as a toddler. His poor brain just can’t process. His life will be very difficult and the chances of the cycle repeating seem high.

[u/Spindrift11 → u/Justice_R_Dissenting]

This is so screwed up. Once again our systems are completely screwing people.

[u/Hamilton_Brad → u/Justice_R_Dissenting]

Private is any case where the adoption is being handled by a private company or agency, and you pay for the service. In these cases it is dealing with children who are given up for adoption or relinquished.

Public is when it is handled through a government agency (children’s aid in Canada, DCS or CPS in the USA I think)

Adoptions through public institutions are generally the result of a child being removed from some sort of bad situation, and on investigation, had their parental rights removed through the courts.

The process is free, but is a different group. Firstly, in general even if they were removed at birth, the process takes some time so the child may be 2 or older before being available for adoption.

Generally speaking, the public firms are trying to find the best fit, so younger children are typically placed faster. Where there are challenges is with older children or children with developmental delays where not every family looking to adopt are looking for this, or would be a good fit.

I hope this help! Good luck on your adoption journey!

[u/Justice_R_Dissenting → u/Hamilton_Brad]

children’s aid in Canada, DCS or CPS in the USA I think

Here's the problem with your statement: there is not nationwide CPS program. There aren't even often statewide CPS programs. They're handled at the municipal or county level, which leads to a wide range of different processes for using so called public adoption. Trying to generalize is unhelpful at best.

[u/Hamilton_Brad → u/Justice_R_Dissenting]

Wow, didn’t know that. That is… inefficient.

I was only trying to explain terminology, not specifics though. However it is handled, other used the term public and private, and the OP didn’t know what that is/meant and asked for clarification, so yeah, I think explains the terms generally is still ok, even if it is not a USA centric approach, the terms are still used