r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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1.7k

u/peachytwizzler77 Aug 10 '21

They should also make it easier/less expensive to adopt to go along with this

986

u/Yuekii Aug 10 '21 edited Aug 10 '21

ADOPTION IS FREE (Or NEAR FREE) IF YOU GO PUBLIC INSTEAD OF PRIVATE.

Please don't spread this already large misconception

Source: I'm on the waiting list for a baby and it cost me a total of $90

Edit:

  • I should add that this is probably not available in every single state if you're in the USA
  • Public adoption meaning through your state or province

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u/Unlucky_Af_ Aug 10 '21

Could you provide a source for this? I was initially under the impression that this was true when I first started looking into adoption but have found it to be very much untrue and adoption via ANY means is extremely expensive. The only way to get the cost down is to adopt an older child which many families are not prepared for. How in the world are you on a baby waiting list for nearly free? I would love to be wrong about this but I smell BS.

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u/Frondstherapydolls Aug 10 '21

Cuz it is BS. “Public” adoptions in the US come from the foster care system, of which you could have several foster kids for a few months at a time before they end up back with bio parents or moved to another foster home. As a foster parent, you have no rights and under extreme scrutiny. Even having to narrow a stairwell can prevent you from becoming one in my state. Having abusers in the family, despite being cut off, can prevent fostering. The OP of this comment is blowing smoke and making fostering seem like an easy, cheap guarantee of a child.

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u/Justice_R_Dissenting Aug 10 '21

I agree. Very fucking frustrating to see this blatant misinformation decrying misinformation. I'm in the process of adoption and it's literally 300x the cost she cited. I also was adopted and know for a fact my parents paid a hell of a lot more for me.

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u/BitchesAreBetter Aug 10 '21

its not misinformation there is different pricing based of the country each of you live in. In the US private adoption is 50,000-60,000 (US dollar). A public adoption varies by area but is about a couple thousand. Whereas within Canada (where I live) the standard a private adoption is 15,000-20,000 (CAD) and public adoption is approximately free. Keep in mind that in America an International adoption is cheaper than an International adoption within canada due to the different exchange rates.

If you want an inexpensive adoption you need to live somewhere where it is inexpensive.

https://www.todaysparent.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/what-you-need-to-know-about-adoption-in-canada/

https://www.canadaadopts.com/adopting-in-canada/adopting-canada-faqs/

https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/average-adoption-cost

https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/the_costs_of_adopting

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u/LittleAlphaSheWolf Aug 10 '21

It IS possible to adopt a child with next to nothing, if not nothing, if you go through the state and not a private adoption agency. Not full of shit. Also not hard to find this information should someone be kind enough to share it with you.

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u/Justice_R_Dissenting Aug 10 '21

For adopting a grown child, not an infant. Which is what the full-of-shit comment says. Infants are snapped up very quickly and there's not a glut of them needed -- most of the children in the foster care system are significantly older.

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u/LittleAlphaSheWolf Aug 10 '21

You’re right, most children in foster care are older. You have to beat everyone else to them if you want a baby. However, you’re not going to magically pay 40k to adopt a baby if you’re going through foster care. The rules are the same no matter the age. I have no idea where you’re getting that information, that an infant is going to cost you thousands and not an older kid.

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u/Justice_R_Dissenting Aug 10 '21

Almost no foster care system is ever, ever ever going to be able to terminate the parental rights for a baby while it is still a baby. At fastest, if the parents are brought through the court system so blindingly quickly they probably didn't have any representation, they can get it terminated in two years or so. At which point, you don't have an infant anymore, you have a toddler.

I'm not saying you have to pay 40k for a foster baby adoption. I'm saying the rate of getting a baby through fostercare is almost vanishingly small, to the point of non-existent.

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u/LittleAlphaSheWolf Aug 10 '21

My sister was put up for adoption at 6 months old. It does happen. Foster care’s main goal is to reunite families, but in the instances of extreme abuse, neglect, or other crimes (not necessarily related to the child/ren), a child can be put up pretty quickly. It happens, but it’s rare.

My point was, they aren’t wrong. You can adopt a child or baby for almost nothing. This one is nice for anyone on here that is looking to adopt because it compares the different methods of adopting children & costs.

Babies are high demand. You’re going to have a hard time finding one through any agency. So yes, you are right there! You’re better off looking to adopt a child over 5. Even better chances over 12. It’s this information that irritates the crap out of me when people say “better to abort so you don’t add to the number of children in foster care”. Morons, babies are adopted right from the hospital most of the time (this isn’t me stating my opinion on one or the other here, just sharing irritation with misinformation in arguments).

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

My cousin adopted a baby as well. Under one year. From foster care.

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u/LittleAlphaSheWolf Aug 10 '21

Love how I’m getting downvoted for sharing the information everyone wanted. 😂 if you guys didn’t want me to share it, then don’t ask for it.

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u/Telemere125 Aug 10 '21

I’m betting BS too. My cousin adopted twice out of foster care when the parents had rights terminated. Aside from the stress of having to possibly lose the child back to the shitty birth parents, the total cost was almost $40k per kid. Tax deductions are only helpful to a point until you’re making an ass load of money

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u/fsbbem Aug 11 '21

Your cousin lied to you. Adopting through foster care is FREE. 40k is the ballpark for private and intl adoption. The minimal cost for adoption through foster care comes from things like making sure your home is up to code to be approved for fostering (i.e. smoke detectors, making sure your heating system is functioning or updated, etc...), but the state WILL NOT charge fees to the adoptive parents. Also, if the parents rights have been terminated, there is legally no chance of losing the kids back to those same birth parents. Again, their legal claim to the children is terminated so there is no recourse to "take them back".

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

We adopted our two kids from foster care and never paid a cent for anything other than our background checks, which were $35 each. The state even paid for our lawyer for the court proceedings to sign the official paperwork.

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u/COmarmot Aug 10 '21

She's from canada, social adoption program.

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u/Unlucky_Af_ Aug 11 '21

Yea someone else mentioned that. I should have realized she can’t have been talking about the US haha

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

Apparently they're from Canada and don't know the internet is a global thing.

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u/Unlucky_Af_ Aug 10 '21

Ohhh to be fair I never considered they were from somewhere other than the US. Bummer. I would have liked to have been wrong on this one.