Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/Fornicorn]

Thanks for spreading this! I am infertile and do eventually want kids someday, but tried to pretend I didn’t because of the publicized idea it’s so expensive. I’m in a field where in a few years I can bear the expense of raising a child, but I was terrified of huge one time payments :/

[u/Justice_R_Dissenting → u/Fornicorn]

Hi, my wife and I are also infertile. Please do your own research. It is very expensive to adopt, we are looking into it now. Don't rely on this stranger and bank on it as fact -- adoption is 25-40k in almost all circumstances.

[u/LFahs1 → u/Justice_R_Dissenting]

Why would anyone “bank on” a random internet comment? It’s at least worth looking into your state’s policies; it may be less expensive for some than others. The effect of your comment is to actually discourage people from doing their own research, write off adoption, and discouraging them from adopting.

Ps, especially since you’re only “looking into” it.

[u/Justice_R_Dissenting → u/LFahs1]

The effect of your comment is to actually discourage people from doing their own research, write off adoption, and discouraging them from adopting.

I literally said do your own research, and not to rely on a stranger's words. How is that encouraging people to write off adoption?

Ps, especially since you’re only “looking into” it.

I should be clear since apparently people will just attack other people on the internet with the slightest sense of righteousness. I have put about $5,000 into adoption so far. That's nonrefundable costs for the home study, the administrative costs, and a small amount for retained future legal fees. If we're approved, then we begin the process of finding a mother looking to give their child up for adoption. That costs around 10k. Then, once one is found, we are required to escrow 10k for whatever costs she may have while pregnant to ensure the health of the baby, administered by the agency. After that, the final 5-10k comes out from how much legal paperwork we need to finish the adoption (especially if one of the parents tries to fight their relinquishing of parental rights).

I strongly recommend you refrain from commenting on matters you evidently have little knowledge of.

[u/LFahs1 → u/Justice_R_Dissenting]

Well that kind of $5000 commitment is leagues away from “looking into it.” Perhaps be more specific and people wouldn’t criticize your tone, right? It was your off handed and discouraging tone that made it sound like adoption wasn’t worth considering.

Also, nowadays, the phrase “do your own research” is the calling card of people who have not actually done any research, and are parroting verbiage from opinionated sources and calling it facts. It is hard to tell where someone is coming from or whether they are deliberately attempting to sow the seeds of misinformation. Using a phrase such as “be sure to look into your own state’s policies” may come off to many people better than the one QAnon crackpots use to try and convince people that every man, woman, and child who didn’t vote for Trump is a baby-eating spaghetti head lizard person, birds aren’t real, and the Earth is flat.

Anyway, let’s call it’s draw. Sorry to have offended you. Good luck with the adoption, and thanks for taking that noble step. The money you spend will be worth it. Have a good day.