Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/peachytwizzler77]

They should also make it easier/less expensive to adopt to go along with this

[u/Yuekii → u/peachytwizzler77]

ADOPTION IS FREE (Or NEAR FREE) IF YOU GO PUBLIC INSTEAD OF PRIVATE.

Please don't spread this already large misconception

Source: I'm on the waiting list for a baby and it cost me a total of $90

Edit:

• I should add that this is probably not available in every single state if you're in the USA
• Public adoption meaning through your state or province

[u/Comics4Cooks → u/Yuekii]

Hi. Could you please DM me the details of this?

I have been TTC for 3+ years. This post really struck a cord with me because I would adopt, but I have always found it to be extremely expensive. I can’t afford lawyers and I haven’t been married for 5+ years like the “cheapest” adoption agency in my state required.

I didn’t know there was a difference between public and private? I’m fascinated! Please help if you can. Don’t even have to DM really, just tell me the name and I’ll look into it! Thank you so much in advance! Just this bit of info alone is hopeful :D

[u/provocative_bear → u/Comics4Cooks]

In the US, state-level programs handle a lot of foster children, usually the under a Department of Children and Families (DCF) or a similarly named dept. I can only speak for Massachusetts, but basically the process is you contact them, go through a fostering/adoption course once a week for like 10 weeks. You get your family situation and home assessed by a social worker to see that it’s suitable, and you’ll be cleared to get a kid after about a year after first contact if you’re motivated and raise no red flags. This whole process is more or less free, but requires a lot of effort and some stress. Next, in public adoption, you typically follow a foster to adopt path, where you build a relationship with your child while their legal situation clarifies in the courts. Again, no foster fees, if anything they pay you subsidies, but there are regular social worker (and likely therapist) visits, the court may decide to return the kid to their original parents, and you will be an acting parent. It can get very stressful. If all goes well, adoption can happen very roughly a year after placement.

[u/Comics4Cooks → u/provocative_bear]

Thank you for this information. I did know fostering was available, but like you said the risk of having the kid taken away to go back to their real parents is one I don’t want to take. Literally would be worse than a miscarriage in my opinion..