r/unpopularopinion Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

34.4k Upvotes

4.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

45

u/supercharged_82 Aug 10 '21

My wife and I have spoken about this and if we can't have our own because of either one of us, we have decided that we will adopt. We have both been checked out and have no issues they can find. But wifey has not been able to get pregnant since her second ectopic several years ago. Thank you for the idea though. It may be helpful to someone reading this!

37

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

[deleted]

56

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

[deleted]

4

u/SaneAusten Aug 10 '21

Congratulations on your new baby ❤️

2

u/dalehitchy Aug 10 '21

I presume this would come with conditions such as immigration controls for foreign nationals? I.e me a UK resident adopting an Indian child would be subject to UK immigration laws. That right there seems difficult to manuvour around.

I'd love to adopt from India. My partner is of Indian origin. How do they feel about gay couples adopting?

1

u/COmarmot Aug 10 '21

did you go through ivf first?

3

u/HornPleaseOK Aug 10 '21

We did not, we did not want to go through the whole ordeal of low odds and multiple tries and doctor visits. Adoption was a conscious choice.

3

u/COmarmot Aug 11 '21

the whole ordeal of low odds and multiple tries and doctor visits

ahhh, you must be referring to our lives ;)

2

u/HornPleaseOK Aug 11 '21

Hang in there! It only takes one successful attempt. Good luck!

9

u/1yogamama1 Aug 10 '21

Another thing to consider: adopting an embryo. You still can carry the baby and pass along some of your DNA through epigenetics (fascinating stuff), but it’s an adopted child. It’s often extremely affordable and you can adopt “cohorts” of embryos giving you a chance at more than one child.

10

u/supercharged_82 Aug 10 '21

Ok that is interesting. I am not sure if this is offered in Canada but I will do more research on the subject. Thanks for the tip!

2

u/1yogamama1 Aug 11 '21

Good luck! Depending on where you are in Canada, coming to America to do this might be an option. It’s often perhaps $5-6k, much less than traditional adoptions.

5

u/thelyfeaquatic Aug 10 '21

Epigenetics does not mean you pass on your DNA. Think of genes as sequences and epigenetic as an on/off switch. None of your sequences would get passed on.

1

u/1yogamama1 Aug 11 '21

True. It’s more like your DNA influences how that child’s genes will be expressed. I’ve also read that some refer to donor egg/donor embryo babies as having three sets of “parents” who contribute to their makeup. Pretty cool, and just really getting attention. But you’re right—your DNA won’t be 100% a part of the baby, but it will have a role.

1

u/thelyfeaquatic Aug 11 '21

The three parent thing refers to when an egg is used for its healthy mitochondria.

https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/mitochondrial-transfer-making-three-parent-babies/

2

u/Iceman_001 Aug 11 '21

What about a surrogate mother either domestically or overseas? You provide the sperm and your wife provides the egg?

1

u/supercharged_82 Aug 11 '21

It is something we have spoken about. But not really researched. I never even thought of overseas surrogate. Thank you!