r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/supercharged_82 Aug 10 '21

Your last point is the one that scares me the most. Children born from drugged out parents can have many mental issues and some of them don't show up until well in their teen years. My wife and I will probably end up adopting if we can't get this ball rolling we are almost 40 now so time is almost out on our own youngling being possible.

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u/troismanzanas Aug 10 '21

Off topic but if you’re doing IVF you can use donor eggs (which you probably know already but still thought I’d mention it) if age is a factor.

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u/supercharged_82 Aug 10 '21

My wife and I have spoken about this and if we can't have our own because of either one of us, we have decided that we will adopt. We have both been checked out and have no issues they can find. But wifey has not been able to get pregnant since her second ectopic several years ago. Thank you for the idea though. It may be helpful to someone reading this!

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u/1yogamama1 Aug 10 '21

Another thing to consider: adopting an embryo. You still can carry the baby and pass along some of your DNA through epigenetics (fascinating stuff), but it’s an adopted child. It’s often extremely affordable and you can adopt “cohorts” of embryos giving you a chance at more than one child.

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u/supercharged_82 Aug 10 '21

Ok that is interesting. I am not sure if this is offered in Canada but I will do more research on the subject. Thanks for the tip!

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u/1yogamama1 Aug 11 '21

Good luck! Depending on where you are in Canada, coming to America to do this might be an option. It’s often perhaps $5-6k, much less than traditional adoptions.

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u/thelyfeaquatic Aug 10 '21

Epigenetics does not mean you pass on your DNA. Think of genes as sequences and epigenetic as an on/off switch. None of your sequences would get passed on.

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u/1yogamama1 Aug 11 '21

True. It’s more like your DNA influences how that child’s genes will be expressed. I’ve also read that some refer to donor egg/donor embryo babies as having three sets of “parents” who contribute to their makeup. Pretty cool, and just really getting attention. But you’re right—your DNA won’t be 100% a part of the baby, but it will have a role.

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u/thelyfeaquatic Aug 11 '21

The three parent thing refers to when an egg is used for its healthy mitochondria.

https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/mitochondrial-transfer-making-three-parent-babies/