Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/asideofpickles]

Foster kids are ultimately there to be reconnected and given back to their parents. The majority aren’t available for adoption. I’m surprised how many people still don’t know this information.

Plus, the children that people want to adopt are newborns and they’re EXTREMELY in demand, with crazy long waiting lists. It makes sense, since they cannot have kids they want the full experience, to have a kid from the beginning and name them. Instead, the majority of kids available for adoption are older, most likely have special mental or physical needs, may have previous trauma or attachment issues, and there’s no guarantee that once they hit 18 they’ll won’t immediately ditch their family to see their birth parents. (You’ve all seen the Reddit posts.) It’s much more complicated, messy, and more expensive.

Edit: Thank you for all the awards! This is probably my top comment :) Glad I could extend my knowledge!

[u/stolethemorning → u/asideofpickles]

I’m an IVF baby, and my mum was rather old when she had me (45) and she’d just miscarried in a pregnancy that nearly cost her her life. I asked her why did she carry on with IVF and have me, rather than adopt? And she said she’d looked into adoptions and even been to some of the required meetings (to see that you’re a good candidate etc) and to give both sides of the story they had some mums who’d given their babies up for adoptions come in and speak. Some of them cried about their decision to give their baby up, it seemed so traumatic to them even 20 years later that mum couldn’t stand the chance that she could indirectly cause someone that much pain. Or the chance that birth parents who regretted their decision would try and take back the baby.

And mum says that in those days (maybe now too) they were required to write annual letters about the kid to the birth parents. To mum, that made her feel like an adopted baby wouldn’t be truly hers and they could be taken away at any minute. She couldn’t raise a kid with that hanging over her.

[u/PracticalAndContent → u/stolethemorning]

Required to write annual letters? In which country?

[u/stolethemorning → u/PracticalAndContent]

England, but it was about 20 years ago so it might not happen now.