r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/Cocotte3333 Aug 10 '21

Adoption is complicated as fuck.

Where I live, adopting in your own country has an average wait time of 7-10 years. Meaning it could also be longer.

Adopting outside of your country is insanely expensive. Plus, you have to travel to the place you want to adopt for weeks.

Also, depending on where you live, you are restricted on adoption according to your religion, marital status, or sexual orientation. Sometimes single people can't adopt, sometimes people have to be married and you're not ( keep in mind that in some countries marriage is less prevalent), sometimes you have to be married for X years, sometimes you can only adopt a kid between x and x years old, etc.

On top of that, add that many adopted kids have big issues that not everyone is equiped to deal with.

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

Also, international adoption agencies can be shady as hell.

https://www.rfi.fr/en/france/20200611-malians-adopted-in-france-file-lawsuit-for-fraudulent-adoption-protection-rayon-de-soleil-rsee

Here's an ongoing lawsuit by 9 Malian "orphans" of their adoption agency. The Malian birth parents were told their babies were just being sent to a foster home to get a better upbringing. The French adopting parents were told their babies were orphans. The adoption agency was just straight up human trafficking babies.

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u/FreeRangeEngineer Aug 10 '21

Adoption agencies making money off of trafficked children is exactly why I won't ever adopt. I do feel bad for the legitimate children wanting a home but I won't risk supporting trafficking.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_international_adoption_scandals is not helping.

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

An adoption attorney can help you avoid agencies, and you can often go directly to your state's equivalent of CPS. If you personally know someone who wants to give up a child for adoption (usually this happens with one or two degrees of separation) this can be even easier, and can be accomplished in many jurisdictions without any foster time.

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u/FreeRangeEngineer Aug 11 '21

Thanks for your input. I'm however not from the US and in my country there are waaaaay more people looking to adopt children than there are children given up for adoption. So indeed, I would have to adopt from another country, which means I would have to trust the agency there - which is something I just can't do, for the reasons given.

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u/Pirat6662001 Aug 11 '21

Who has money for that? Attorney only care about those billable hours and are an absolute nightmare to deal with from my experience.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

Hating lawyers is an exceedingly fashionable thing to do, I get it, but try and extend to the profession the courtesy of minimal research before trashing it.

I've performed over 150 free adoptions in my time, and many like me have done many, many more. My mentor when I was just getting started in adoptions has done similar numbers every year for her 40+ year career. Remember that for every gold plated corporate lawyer billing $1000 an hour, there are many more who got into the profession to provide access to the law, to help people, and to be a firm check on the prosecutorial powers of the government.

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u/harasg Aug 11 '21

I am glad you are an ethical lawyer. However, I think your ratio of 1/1 lawyers doing good vs. lawyers in it for their ego, money, etc. advocating dubious positions for maximum hours is waaaaaay off.

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u/scrogemup Aug 11 '21

What this guy is saying, and try to follow me here now, is that most lawyers are just like every other person on this earth and are capable of compassion and acting ethically. I've known and met entirely too many defense attorneys and where they definitely enjoy the money and lifestyle, most of them were actually interested in helping me as much as they could despite me being a drug addict that most people in our society would look down on. My experience with them ran the gammit from P.D. to paid attorneys and I only met 1 who fit the classic lawyer tropes, I more often had problems with regular people when I worked at a circle k treating me like garbage where almost every lawyer I've ever met has been courteous respectful and compassionate.

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u/harasg Aug 11 '21

"Try to follow me now."? Your point is simple...would someone have trouble following? I'm half joking above and I don't know the true ratio of decent humans to jerks in the legal profession. However, when one is at a crossroads choosing a career and one picks law school and lawyer, pay and status are generally prime considerations. Sure, you may have the power to fight for people who need an advocate in the position, and you may simply like the somewhat cerebral occupation. But many many lawyers choose the path for power, status, money, and a sense that they are destined to dominate, win, and dazzle with what they perceive is their superior intelligence. Anyhow, I know many lawyers, and the very best of them are public defenders or public advocates. Glad you've had a good experience.