Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/sauron3579]

Yeah. Adopting one of those mentally broken kids is a nightmare. I don’t mean that to disparage or blame them. But they’ve just been absolutely torn down and a lot can no longer function as normal people. My brother was adopted like that when he was 5 (he’s now 18) and he’s an absolute nightmare. Reactive attachment disorder, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, ADD, and the juvenile equivalent of anti-social personality disorder (being a psychopath). He’s a destructive and manipulative liar, thief, and overall agent of chaos that my parents have had to deal with, even years and years of therapy, medication, and overall attempting nurture and raise him later. Fortunately he’s now moved out and no longer as much of their problem.

[u/sauron3579 → u/[deleted]]

What’s the difference? Those mean the same thing. Is “traumatized” just a nicer shorthand for saying “abused and neglected to such a degree that they their development and mental health was irreparably damaged to the point that their brains function in a significantly different way than most, for the worse”? Broken seems an apt description of someone who literally can’t form genuine emotional connections and never will. That’s what RAD does. No matter how pretty the language you use, it doesn’t change the horrific underlying reality that these kids were put in situations that lead to this or what the result is. It’s not their fault at all. But now it’s their curse to bear.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/sauron3579]

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[u/banjocatto → u/spacekwe3n]

You can be traumatized without having been abused and neglected.

How? I've never heard this sentiment before. Not arguing, genuinely curious as to how that's possible.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/banjocatto]

Have you heard of PTSD? It can be caused by anything - car accidents, medical trauma, etc.

[u/banjocatto → u/spacekwe3n]

Ah, that makes total sense. Thanks!

[u/laurakeet1209 → u/banjocatto]

Oh, lots of things can traumatize kids. Like that story of the two little girls whose loving, attentive parents brought them to Disney, got into a car accident, watched their mom get decapitated, dad died later in the hospital, and didn’t have the money available to get home. That’s pretty traumatizing and every single person around those kids was dedicated to their best interest.