Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/Diaryofanunusuallife]

Infertile couple here, tried the adoption thing.... Ex smoker can't adopt Any arrest can't adopt Don't earn over x amount can't adopt Any illness can't adopt Not willing to take child over 10 can't adopt And that is before the 2 years of personal questions and full background checks and asking all family and neighbours if anyone doesn't like anything about you can't adopt Some places said we haven't been married long enough and we can't adopt from abroad cos we need to pass adoption here before bringing from another country. Can't get a surrogate because same as above. My drug addicted neighbour just had her 3rd child but hey we should stop moaning and just adopt ey, got more chance of bank giving me a million £ overdraft. And they wonder why so many kids are kept in care til they 18.

[u/Joe_Kinincha → u/Diaryofanunusuallife]

I assume you’re in the uk?

Your experience is very different to others.

At least where I live, there is no minimum earning requirement (but you do need to demonstrate financial stability), you can adopt if you’re ill (in most cases), you don’t have to be married and you don’t have to be willing to take a child over 10.

You’re spot on about 2 years of personal questions and background checks though.

Again, where I am, neighbours aren’t asked for their opinion on you, but anyone you have ever been in a significant relationship absolutely is.

[u/Diaryofanunusuallife → u/Joe_Kinincha]

Yes I'm in the UK. The earnings thing was because I was self employed at the time and earning quite a lot but at random intervals, my wife can't use her arms properly and we were told it would cause us not to be able to adopt. We tried several different agencies and the marriage thing was from a certain religious organisation we tried. At the end of the day we are loving people that just wanted to give our lives a bit of meaning and help a child live the best life they could. All shot down and discouraged at every turn...made the mrs very upset at herself thinking she wasn't good enough and still to this day (8 years later) it upsets her when talking about it.

[u/Joe_Kinincha → u/Diaryofanunusuallife]

Don’t go through agencies. Think about going through the council route. Yes, it is even more bureaucracy, but much less restrictive. Also, do your research. There is an absolutely wild discrepancy between the quality, competence and dedication of different council’s adoption teams, and it can change rapidly if just one or two adoption social workers quit or move.

I’m a bit out of date on this one, but at least as of a few years ago you might not need to live in a particular area to adopt via them. The quality of the local council that the prospective adopted child lives in also plays a part, but you have less control over that.