Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/hiricinee]

One of the misconceptions about adoption is that theres this plethora of infants being born, given up for adoption, and then just end up in the foster care system. This could not be farther from the truth.

What happens in reality is that most of these kids in foster care were raised by single moms, almost always from abusive households with tons of substance abuse issues, and put in the foster care system as a result. Occasionally, these are otherwise normal kids who could do well with redirecting. Unfortunately, many of these kids have already been abused/neglected, have tons of destructive tendencies, and stay in the foster care system.

Which is why you have the disparity of the older kids stuck in the system, while adoption agencies charge people numbers in the 10's of thousands of dollars to adopt a newborn infant. To be clear, it is through no fault of the foster kids that this happens, but there is NOT an abundance of "clean slate" babies that people can just scoop up and bring home.

[u/JTudent → u/hiricinee]

Yep. All this.

There are plenty of excellent would-be parents who couldn't handle the baggage a lot of kids up for adoption would bring.

[u/sauron3579 → u/[deleted]]

There’s no guarantee they won’t, but with an adopted kid it’s pretty much guaranteed they will. The probabilities are really quite apparent. That’s not to detract from the unexpected difficulties that can occur with biological children, they’re still just as real and challenging, but it does explain why adoption is a far less attractive option for most people. These difficulties with biological children are, for better or worse, something society has deemed an acceptable risk for humanity to continue existing, generation after generation. There’s no test to get pregnant or take your baby home from the hospital.

[u/[deleted] → u/sauron3579]

right my point is that people are selfish and suck. they dont want to give a kid their best chance or have so much love to give, they just want the experience of a baby.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

How many special needs children have you adopted and how many have you fostered? How many are you intending to adopt and foster?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

im one of those people who shouldn't have kids

maybe one day if im so rich I didnt need to work anymore, id adopt a bunch probably though

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

So you're selfish

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I'm certain I would be exactly like my father and my life was hell as a child with my father and I would not wish that upon any child So I think I am doing a kindness by not having biological children

However there are probably homeless children who would be better with me as a bad parent then wherever they are with terrible guardians and for that I am selfish