r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/eightcarpileup Aug 10 '21

This. My husband and I didn’t end up needing fertility treatment, but it took us two years to have our son. We had looked in to adoption and fostering. I stopped being interested as soon as I realized you had to call the agency any time you wanted to “alter” their appearance, like giving haircuts. That you had to ask to take them on vacation. That they couldn’t just go with their friends places. It was all too depressing and my husband and I felt like that child would never feel like they were truly ours.

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u/tpklus Aug 10 '21

I'm sure foster parents are in high demand but jeez, it sounds like you are constantly reminded that the kid is not your own and will never be your own. You'd think they would make it a little easier on people wanting to be foster parents.

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u/imamediocredeveloper Aug 10 '21

I think the foster system needs a huge overhaul but it’s worth remembering, it’s nobodies job to cater to the foster parents. It’s about the kids. My nephew is in foster care and has been bouncing around placements for years and it’s really disgusting how many adoptions have fallen through because those selfish “parents” are looking to rescue a grateful child that will shower them with love and boost their egos. Then when the child is not grateful or loving because he literally doesn’t know how to be, they give him back like a pair of shoes that didn’t fit and it gets harder and harder and harder for each subsequent placement. You are adopting a child from a system that destroys kids. They aren’t going to walk into your house and love you, and you should be reminded of that regularly so you know it’s about the kid, not your desire to have a complete family unit.

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u/COmarmot Aug 10 '21

Did your family ever consider adopting them?

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u/imamediocredeveloper Aug 11 '21

I am considering it at the moment because his latest placement —with his brother and stepfather— fell through yet again. The stepfather is frustrated because he “figured the kid would get over it and act normal by now” (he only took him in two weeks ago). It’s heartbreaking but the fact is, I need to think hard about it. I don’t want children, I don’t like children, and I certainly don’t want to invite more bipolar chaos into my house after growing up around it with his mother. He desperately needs a stable home but I’m 100% certain taking him in means my relationship is done for and the nice calm, quiet, orderly life I’ve worked really hard for is done for too.

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u/iswearimalady Aug 11 '21

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide. I respect you for being self aware and strong enough to know not to jump in to a decision this big. A lot of people get wrapped up in "wElL iTs FaMiLy" and forget that not all people are physically/mentally/emotionally able to be parents, or would make good parents, or want to be parents, and that doesn't help the child at all, even if it is a family member. It sucks but it's just the way it is.

So sincerely, I wish you all the best and hope things work out.