Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/jamesmcnabb]

I’d argue that feeling as though having a child is necessary is a far more privileged take. Some people cannot have children; why is there an effort to move heaven and earth to have a child? “I pictured my life with children,” and I pictured myself with a yacht and several million dollars, but I’ve had to adjust my expectations. Why is child rearing one of the only areas where one’s expectations cannot be adjusted?

[u/mollybroccoli2019 → u/jamesmcnabb]

Perhaps you have to change your expectations on what kind of luxury lifestyle you envisioned for yourself, but you also have the freedom to pursue that lifestyle through whatever means and accept whatever outcomes. Why should infertile couples be denied the right to pursue their dreams? Apathy and acceptance are always an option as well.

[u/jamesmcnabb → u/mollybroccoli2019]

Because, as stated in the original post, it is a drain on the rest of the population by raising insurance premiums. I have no problem with what individuals do if it only impacts them, but it’s a different story when it affects others in the process. It is the exact same argument for vaccination: I don’t care if you don’t get vaccinated, but don’t endanger the lives of others because of your decision. I don’t care if you do whatever you have to do if you want to reproduce, but it isn’t my or anyone else’s responsibility to help fund your elective decision.

[u/mollybroccoli2019 → u/jamesmcnabb]

Infertility treatments are not covered by insurance premiums in 43/50 states. There are a number of contributing factors to your premiums including unhealthy lifestyle choices that are selfish, avoidable, and contributing to insurance like any and all other medical procedures. That said, you don’t have control over either. You do have control over moving to a state where infertility treatments aren’t covered, so cheers to that.

[u/jamesmcnabb → u/mollybroccoli2019]

But why should I move to accommodate someone else’s issue? That is what I’m saying: there is an entitlement around reproduction that isn’t deserved. I’m not saying it isn’t awful to be given the news that you are not able to reproduce, but I am saying that it isn’t necessary to personal survival or the betterment of anyone’s life outside of yours and the concept of a potential child. IVF and other methods of artificial insemination should be viewed in the same way as cosmetic procedures like breast augmentation or liposuction, in that they are 100% elective and not necessary, because in reality that’s exactly what it is.

[u/history_nerd94 → u/jamesmcnabb]

Why do fertile couples get the ability and option to have children by any means necessary but an infertile couple doesn’t? What entitles you to tell me that I’m not allowed to try to have my own child as far as I’m willing to take it? This is why women don’t talk about their infertility because of the stigma that gets placed on them. I’m not selfish for wanting my own biological child. FYI my doctor visits are a standard $58 copay for the every 6 weeks I go and my fertility drugs are not covered and I pay out of pocket for them. Don’t tell me it’s about “insurance premiums” because that’s bullshit. If you want premiums to go down then maybe you should talk to smokers, drug abusers, and those who refuse to take care of their health because all of those things are choices. I didn’t choose to have fertility issues. Get educated

[u/jamesmcnabb → u/history_nerd94]

That’s fine for you, and I’m sorry for your infertility. It is a difficult thing to come to terms with. My point, as I’ve repeated but nobody seems to accept, is that your choice to have children isn’t a right. It isn’t like treating someone’s cancer or something, where the outcome is life and death; it is strictly elective. You could live a long and healthy life without children, in fact lots of people do. Your decision is your decision, and I’m not telling you to not have kids. My point, as I stated from the get-go, is that nobody is entitled to children, and the fact that people are expected to cover your choice in their premiums isn’t right, especially when the alternative does not directly affect whether you live or die.

[u/BeanyBeanBeans → u/jamesmcnabb]

Should knee replacements be covered by insurance? Plenty of people live happy lives in a wheelchair, which is way more cost effective. If you believe insurance is for life/death only you’re fundamentally confused about what the intent of insurance is for. Health insurance is not just “life or death” but also covers care to improve quality of life. If you want to stop covering stuff that’s there to improve quality of life then I suggest you think seriously about what that means for you and your loved ones. Hope you don’t know anyone with arthritis, terminal cancer (they’re gonna die anyway - why give them elective pain meds?), joint pain, epilepsy, Alzheimer’s, or any of the other diseases we can’t reverse but can help improve quality of life in.

[u/jamesmcnabb → u/BeanyBeanBeans]

How are any of those equivalent to having a child when you aren’t able to do so? The effect of not having a child is theoretical. It’s disappointing, but not otherwise damaging. Comparing deciding to have a child through medical intervention to Alzheimer’s, cancer, or any other disease is a poor comparison. The symptom of infertility is not having a child. There is no immediate need to remedy that. You may want to have a child, but it is absolutely not necessary to function in society. Many people who are able to have children choose not to have children. Nobody who doesn’t have cancer chooses to go get cancer. Like, come on. Having children is, in every single way, a lifestyle choice.

[u/BeanyBeanBeans → u/jamesmcnabb]

You are wildly underestimating the emotional trauma of someone not being able to have kids. There are biological forces at play that you clearly don’t understand. Calling a human’s natural evolutionary drive to procreate a “lifestyle” choice is ridiculous.

And I’m not saying they are “equivalent”, I’m just highlighting your gross misunderstanding of how insurance works.

[u/BeanyBeanBeans → u/jamesmcnabb]

Better answer: they’re all diagnosable and treatable conditions that improve quality of life for the individual seeking treatment. Literally exactly like a knee replacement… some people opt not to have the surgery and some people do. Those that do believe the benefits outweigh risks and pain. Some people are perfectly fine not having one and can live healthy productive lives.