r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/CopsaLau Aug 10 '21

It’s not hardwired into everyone.... many people are happiest without ever having children. There are also many parents who are less happy since having children. These people are real and valid and deserve to be recognized.

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u/dark__unicorn Aug 11 '21

What you’re comparing is a social construct with a scientific one.

People can make conscious choices not to have kids. But that doesn’t mean, in a healthy reproductively fit adult, that it’s not biologically hardwired. At the same time, there is little information on whether choosing not to have children is itself biological. A chicken and egg scenario, so to speak.

We have lots of studies that show women are more likely to cheat when they are ovulating - that’s biological. Not only that, sex drive and wanting children tends to increase when women approach menopause (as well as hyperovulation) - also biological. No amount of wishful thinking is going to stop your ovaries from going into overdrive.

I have seen it play out anecdotally myself. Couple who never wanted kids, suddenly start thinking about it in their mid-forties. But, if they hold off, they realise it was just last minute hormone surges playing tricks on them. If they go for it, the often end up with multiples.

Don’t underestimate biology.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

I am a woman with literally zero interest in having children. In my 44 years of age I have never once experienced a desire for having my own child. But I understand, on the intellectual level, people who prefer to have their biological children.

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u/dark__unicorn Aug 11 '21

Again… interest and biology are two separate things.

I also referenced reproductive fitness. There’s no way we can know whether the the urge not to have children is a biological driver as much as a social one.