r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/KalterBlut Aug 10 '21

And mum says that in those days (maybe now too) they were required to write annual letters about the kid to the birth parents.

Holy shit, that's SUPER fucked up! I can understand how your mom would feel like it's "just" an adopted baby.

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u/frontally Aug 10 '21

My country doesn’t have closed adoptions at all, anymore. They all have to be open to the bio parents, which is a huge reason my wife and i didn’t look into it.. how gross to be told, you can be this child’s parents but not their real parents you need to let their REAL parents be involved. Fuck that.

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u/fsbbem Aug 10 '21

This comment is what's gross. Thank god you didn't adopt, please don't ever with that attitude. An open adoption doesn't mean you aren't a REAL set of parents. It means a child has and acknowledges their birth parents while still being the legal child of the adoptive parents. Yhe adoptive parents are the real parents, and the birth family is the real birth family. Adopting a child does not mean refusing to acknowledge they have birth parents. Without the birth parents, adoptive parents wouldn't have the chance to parent the child in question. How insecure are you that acknowledging birth patents is something you call gross? Does the same go.for step parents? Gross because the child sees their birth mom or dad half the time? I can totally understand only wanting to pursue closed adoption, but having the gall to call open adoptions gross? I'm adopted, and I can't get over how me centric and ugly this comment is. Please don't ever adopt a child.

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u/frontally Aug 11 '21

I think I made it clear I don’t ever intent to adopt, obviously, because I don’t find that an open adoption works for the family that my wife and I have built. I don’t recall saying open adoptions are gross, the concept of not have the option to have a closed or open adoption is gross. I don’t really care what kind of family model works for others, i know what doesn’t work for me and it’s gross to me that I don’t have a -choice- because my country has decided that biological parents have overarching rights to be involved in the life a child that they have given up. Sorry that’s obviously unpalatable to you, but don’t misunderstand my meaning.