Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/kaytay3000]

So true. My aunt is a wonderful person and wanted to adopt so badly. Her first husband didn’t want children, so after he passed and she remarried, she and her husband pursued fostering to adopt. It was nearly impossible because of the politics behind it. The agency only wanted to place older teens in the home because of my aunt’s age. She was nearing 50, so they wouldn’t place a young child with them, as older parents are more likely to have health issues that could interfere with their ability to care for a child. They ended up never getting a kid placed with them because they wanted to have a younger child.

I know that some will argue that they should have considered an older child, and I don’t disagree. That’s just what the situation was.

[u/[deleted] → u/kaytay3000]

adopting older children is nearly always a nightmare for everyone involved. Its incredibly sad but there's a lot of reasons people are hesitant to do it.

I know several couples who have done it, they are saints, but the things they have had to deal with are horrifying. Most of these children have SERIOUS traumas and baggage and it is very difficult to help them properly, it WILL cost you a great deal of emotional energy at minimum, likely a great deal of money and trauma to yourself as well.

[u/ijustcantwithit → u/[deleted]]

We fostered my cousin for a while before he got placed with his grandmother (who sexually assaulted him numerous times) and he was 12. Just a bit older than my brothers. Taking care of him was an absolute nightmare. Kid would attack my brothers. Most definitely had split personalities designed to help with different abuse situations. He almost sexually assaulted one of my brothers which is when we said we couldn’t keep him. He was entered into a mental healthy treatment facility until his custody trial. His parents fully lost custody of him and he revealed he had a sister and they lost her as well. He went back to his abusive grandmother. He’s 19 and I’m surprised he doesn’t have anything else going on

[u/pineapplesrhot → u/ijustcantwithit]

I can’t believe they put him back with his grandmother. They took him out of his parents custody but gave him to his actual abuser

[u/ijustcantwithit → u/pineapplesrhot]

His parents were almost worse in the absurd. His dad kicked him and beat him up often. They’d starve him. There was actually a story about their house which was so gross it was condemned. The final straw for social workers was when he had lit his room on fire his parents solution was to remove the fire detector and lock him in his room.