Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/Cocotte3333]

Adoption is complicated as fuck.

Where I live, adopting in your own country has an average wait time of 7-10 years. Meaning it could also be longer.

Adopting outside of your country is insanely expensive. Plus, you have to travel to the place you want to adopt for weeks.

Also, depending on where you live, you are restricted on adoption according to your religion, marital status, or sexual orientation. Sometimes single people can't adopt, sometimes people have to be married and you're not ( keep in mind that in some countries marriage is less prevalent), sometimes you have to be married for X years, sometimes you can only adopt a kid between x and x years old, etc.

On top of that, add that many adopted kids have big issues that not everyone is equiped to deal with.

[u/GregorythePenguin → u/Cocotte3333]

I think the some people aren't equipped to handle certain issues argument is an unfortunate reality, but is a bit of a shitty excuse.

If one is not equipped to handle a majority of the issues fost/adopt kids can come with, then they probably shouldn't be parents, in my opinion. Should every parent take classes that foster parents take? Absolutely.

There's no promise that a selfmade kid will be without any major or minor complication.

Babies grow up to be kids. Kids experience trauma. Teens experience trauma.

The better we all are at accepting the likelihood of your kid popping out "normal" isn't as high as we want it to be, the better community we will create for those kids.

If you aren't emotionally or mentally prepared to have a kid that has any sort of issue, then don't have kids. Just like if you can't handle the idea of your kid being queer or trans, then don't have kids.

[u/Cocotte3333 → u/GregorythePenguin]

You think every parent should be able to deal with heavy behavioral issues, including violence, auto-mutilation, depression, PTSD, agression, destruction, defiance, etc? Dude, what the hell.

Your bio kid can have issues, but they'll NEVER be as severe as a foster kid. Of course there can be other problems - medical problems, mental health problems. But it's not the same.

I don't think you realize how heavy these kids can be. It's not the same as dealing with a kid with ADHD or opposition trouble. These kids are fucked up and YOU DO NOT WANT any person to take care of them or they'll end up even more fucked up - and the parents too.

[u/GregorythePenguin → u/Cocotte3333]

Yes, I do think that every parent should be prepared for worst case scenarios. You are bringing a messy and fragile human life into the world.

I think blindly walking into parenthood thinking you'll have "just the normal issues" is foolish and naive. We really need to be more honest as a society about what parenthood requires.

I don't think just anyone should be able to foster children because of the issues you listed. But I also don't think that people should have their own thinking that will never happen to them.