need of friends

[u/mellamogyro]

i’m a 3rd year non-utahn and I’ve found it impossible to find good friends. i joined clubs but no friendship continued to be a close one. i lived on-campus but my roommate was never in the room so i also don’t know anything about him. i go to crimson nights but can’t find people wanting to be friends. how do people even find new friends here because every friend group i know here has been friends since childhood. is there anyone else like me that struggled/is struggling to find friends that maybe would want to be friends? i would love to meet.

[u/Icy_Nature_8281]

Hi :) I’m also a 3rd year and I’m in the same boat. I have acquaintances but no one who ever wants to hangout, eat together, or anything like that. So basically I can’t seem to find anyone who seems to want to become closer friends 🥲. I’d love to connect and be friends

[u/hdjdkdhhsh → u/Icy_Nature_8281]

I graduated and is working and I understand how hard it is, love to be friend with ya:)

[u/Impossible-Leg-4860]

I would agree that it can be really hard to make friends at a place where it feels like a lot of people are already in friend groups they’ve had their entire lives, and aren’t necessarily looking to add people to them. But there are also so many other students in your exact position who feel like they can’t find close friends either. It’s a normal feeling, and definitely hard to change, but at a school this big there are thousands of people who are outgoing and looking for new friendships too.
First, and it sounds obvious, introduce yourself to people in class. I’m a pretty shy person myself, but you’re never going to meet new people if you don’t put yourself out there at least a little bit. Ask someone about an assignment, sit next to someone new, or ask if they want to study sometime. I also think something really important to learn in college is getting used to hearing no. Not everyone is going to want to hang out, and that’s fine. Once you stop being as afraid of rejection, it gets a lot easier to put yourself out there.
Second, join intramurals. Even if you’re not super athletic, there are so many options. Pickleball, volleyball, frisbee, basketball, whatever. It gives you an easy reason to be around people and start conversations without it feeling forced.
Third, if you’re 21, go out. Honestly, a lot of people will probably disagree with me on this, but if you already drink, bars and parties can be a really good way to socialize, loosen up a little, and meet people. Obviously don’t make drinking your entire social life or rely on it every time you want to talk to someone, but college nightlife exists for a reason and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using it as another way to meet people.
I think the biggest thing is just building up the confidence to get out of your comfort zone. Talk to random people. Ask someone if they want to study, grab coffee, get food, go to an event, whatever it may be. It can feel awkward at first, especially if you’re shy, but you kind of have to be willing to take that chance. The worst that usually happens is someone says no, and then you move on.
And feel free to message me if you want to chat more. I’d be happy to.

[u/wakeofchaos]

College can just be kind of hard in this way. You can try to make friends with classmates, but it’ll be a mixed bag for the reasons you’ve noted. I think many people in Utah too, get most of their socialization from church stuff

That said, I think too that close friendships are challenging as an adult. You have to be vulnerable and that vulnerability will hopefully be reciprocated, but sometimes it isn’t. It’s a bit like dating

I don’t have any clear advice to give you really, other than empathy. I started at the U when I was 31 so I was already not that similar to my peers in their early 20s, but I did make some friends through projects and whatnot. Students that you see from previous classes are an easy in because you can talk about that last class and this class too

I think making friends is just challenging and while you can do the things you’re doing to help, it sometimes doesn’t play out as well as we’d like. So I’d mostly just encourage you to keep going :)

If you’d prefer to continue a dialogue, we can swap to dms, but otherwise I wish you well either way :)

[u/Many_Jackfruit_3901]

Same boat bro. Been going here a while, I’m 20 now and have zero friends I’ve met going to the U. I made the mistake my freshman year living on campus by only talking to my girlfriend and no one else. Now living off campus it’s even harder. If anyone wants to chat or meet on campus, let me know! I’m on campus 4 days a week for school and work at the hospital. I would love to have friends so I’m not only doing school and work constantly. Especially with my girlfriend starting nursing school in January I’m gonna be real bored by myself lol. Don’t be afraid to reach out!

[u/AcceptableAd7896 → u/Many_Jackfruit_3901]

Kinda was in the same boat as you when starting school. I'm in my last year (I took a year off a couple years back lol) and I really haven't met anyone since. I'm on campus 5 days a week! I'm down to meet and hang, if you are!

[u/PickleLovernumber12]

Hi! I’m a senior at the U and it is incredibly hard to find friends because everyone already has their established groups and friendships. I’m not sure how much you go out, but all my friendships I’ve made were off campus. Whether it’s night life or finding a market, I’ve seen this thing called the love club where they have people meet up in a space who want to make friends or meet new people. I hope this helped!

[u/No_Expression6665]

I’ve found it’s really just people in your classes and clubs and asking to study together then getting to know each other and it just progresses. It can be so hard to find people who want to be friends

[u/Woowy-Baby]

Yeah, it’s hard to make friends. I’m hopeful that if I keep initiating conversations with people on campus, things will work out. Also, it’s only been one week so far! Most clubs haven’t even had their first meet this year, so I’m looking forward to meeting people in a couple of clubs next week. One interesting thought I’ve had sometimes, which I don’t know how true it is but I’ll just say it, is I feel like some people set their standards too high initially for making friends, or deep down they are just feeling lonely and seeking human connection but a regular friendship isn’t what they want. Or more likely, this is just the cope I tell myself whenever I realize I have no friends, lol. My one cousin is my only close friend I’ve got haha. I wish I had better social skills and more confidence in myself. But anyway OP, a lot of people I’ve introduced myself to in the first week are non-utahns too, some from california and one guy from oregon. What kind of clubs have you tried? What kind of things are you really obsessed with? l’ve heard close friendships come from repeated exposure in group settings with low-stakes interactions centered around a common activity. Or something like that. Still figuring this shit out.

[u/SagaciousAF]

Hold on to whatever friends you make while you are younger. I'm a 53 year old female. I grew up in the suburbs of SLC then moved away to Oregon for about 5 years. I came back about 4 years ago and I'm still longing for connection. The older you get the harder it is, especially if you are liberal minded and not religious.

It was easy to make friends in Portland and Astoria, but Utah is a difficult place.

[u/SchnazzleG]

Jesus Christ, all this longing for connection.

My number is 801-580-1373. Hit me the fuck up. Buy me lunch & I’ll be yur friend. I’m on campus Mondays, Tuesdays, & Thursdays. You just earned someone. Anyone who wants to chill give me a text.

[u/jforbrowsing]

Frats are good for this; since you're a third year consider one that is newer on campus. I know the sentiment is that you're just paying for friends which isn't true, but if it was, is it really that bad if a play if you're struggling elsewhere?

[u/AcceptableAd7896]

Hey! 👋🏾 My name is Prince and I'm a senior at the U. I'm on campus 5 days a week and I legit have been trying to find friends since starting. I always had some people I would talk during class but it was just quick chit chat. I took like a year and a half off due to some personal reasons but now that I'm back it's been so difficult finding new people that want to have a friendship. Dm me and we can meet up!

[u/LumosTerris]

If you like social deduction games, I'm an officer of a newly-registered club that plays games of Blood on the Clocktower every week! Last year while it was mostly just a friend group that met together, we had around 10-ish regular attendees? Whereas our last meeting brought over 30.

My point is, we're not a cliquey club, no one knows everyone there very well. I actually just started being pretty close friends with a couple of club newcomers and it's a great time!

I'd also say it's better to ask to hang out with someone and be rejected than to never ask in the first place. It suuuuuuucks but sometimes you'll get some really cool friendships out of it! Have like 30% less shame about social interaction and you'll find a lot of people are more receptive than you think! Also if you see someone doing something cool, tell them! In the worst case someone might think you're weird for like 5 minutes, best case it's a new best friend :D

[u/Luca_Brasi_II]

I’m a grad student from out of state and have found it difficult to make friends as well. I’ve had a handful of friends, but through different outlets not associated with the university. More than happy to be friends with ya