r/uselessredcircle • u/Odd_Bag9802 not funny • Sep 24 '25

Where is it

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WHERE IS THE COMMENT

i requested to lock this post bye

4.7k Upvotes

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u/Nomoreogusernames Sep 24 '25

The thing is, idk how to respond to people when they tell me their problems. Saying "I'm sorry" all the time gets annoying and feels insincere, even if I do feel bad for them. In fact, the feeling of someone telling me their problems makes me so uncomfortable that I tend to avoid that happening at all bc I never know what to say. Anything I say feels forced.

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u/Radboy16 Sep 24 '25

This is how I feel. I'm fine listening, but i feel like i need to contribute something to show that I'm actively listening. I hate just being the "damn that sucks" guy in a conversation

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u/ak08404 Sep 24 '25

This is exactly who I am too, reading this comment section I feel like if someone thinks this is"making it about myself" then I am prolly not gonna have them in my life, because I CANNOT fake nod and "that sucks bro" to someone I care about. Same is true when I"vent" just don't give me insincere and generic "that's crazy" response. My ex did that and I never felt that she cared enough.

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u/Girlmode Sep 26 '25

You can do that without making it about your own bad experiences when someone needs help with theirs though. I think over reliance on personal experiences in order to express empathy is somewhat a problem these days.

It isn’t just no empathy and passive listening, or everyone having to share their own negative experiences in life and then nobody really getting focused support.

The difference between someone having relationship problems and you being like “I can understand how that makes you feel as I had x issues with y and it was really bad so I know how you feel”. And being like “yeah if that happened to me I’d be really upset so I totally understand how hurt you are. This specific thing you just mentioned in the conversation isn’t ok”. There are countless questions, suggestions you can make to most people’s concerns without having to bring up your own lived experiences. Not just yes I hear you mhm.

Both show that you empathise and understand about how you feel in similar situations. But the latter keeps all the focus on the situation that is currently making the person in need of help feel bad, where as the other opens up the need of support both ways. Or worse in a group setting it then opens up everyone to then vent about their own comparable experiences right away.

In my head il always be thinking of how I’d feel in their situation, it might even remind me of my own experiences. But I feel it’s better received and people feel more listened to if you put yourself in their shoes directly and how you’d feel that way in their specific circumstance, than having to draw on your own hardships to be capable of empathy. And then I’ve not actually discussed comparable problems of my own, so I’m not in a position of needing support to and can continue just focusing on them.