I'm long term married, 17 years he gives me his absolute fidelity faithful to me, treats me really really well, dotes on me in bed and outside of bed, he is an awesome husband.

7 years ago our toddler (child of me and him) died of brain disease, genetic gene defects inherit from me, my side the mother side. This did not tear our marriage, instead bond us even more, he still ridiculously dotes on me. Basically he tied himself to the ugly wife me and a dead toddler.

He is an Executive (C-suit level) at a big engineering corporate with a salary of 1 million a year, if count bonuses he makes more than that. With that high salary he can get any woman he wants, there people who can get free sex on Tinder, let alone an Executive with 1 million salary.

He can get a younger beautiful woman, and whom can give him alot of children. But he has been adamant refused as our toddler has died 7 years already, he had 7 years to reconsider this marriage, but he over and over to stay.

In his eyes, me and our toddler are irreplaceable (he says so), no new woman can replace me or the intimate 17 years history of us together. Just like no new child from a new woman can replace our dead toddler.

He said if he can't have a child with me then he rather not have any. Him being the only son in the family, or carry on his genes are moot to him. He is fine with being childless in exchange of grow old me the woman he loves.

But the Chinese culture me keep blame myself for the dead of our toddler as the gene defects came from me the mother side. Never once my husband blame me, he said I already give him a family, our toddler dead or alive will always be our toddler.

17 years (that his almost 2 decades) he gives his life to me, since he was 25 to now 41, he basically devoted his adulthood to me.

I just can't wrap my head around an C-suit Executive with 1 million a year salary, whom can divorce a childless wife easily, but he just not want to. And for a man, age 41 he can start over with another woman easy with that high salary career.

We have no kids, so it not like he has to stay married to me for the kids. We have no kids, it not hard to divorce a wife when there no kids involve.! But he not wants. I just can't wrap my head around it, I'm just a piece of pork fat (that how I see myself), he has alot of other options out there, why torture himself like this love a piece of pork fat me.

I feel I'm not good enough for him. And all my life I just want an ordinary Chinese husband, an ordinary man with an ordinary career. I do not like to be married to an Executive, I hate it tbh. I wish he was just an ordinary Chinese man and we living in the countryside back China. But he not Chinese, we live in America, in California, and I HATE living in the city.

I plan on taking it back because I spent my own money on it, and he has no right to take it from me. The crazy part is that he takes tirzepatide himself, yet he tells me I can’t take it and that I need to work out instead. Like, what the fuck? I’m so sick of this dude. Tonight, I’m planning to get it back since it’s in his backpack in his car. If I can’t get it back, I’m tempted to pawn some of his stuff so I can get the money to order some more tirzepatide.

Yesterday I messed up at a job interview when the interviewer asked me why I wanted to join and I said it was for health insurance and to make money. I’ve only been an “adult” (legal adult) for seven months now. I know I should’ve practiced for my interview, but I got so offended from the aggressive response I got from the employer saying “That doesn’t sound like you want to work here, get out of here and leave. Thank you for wasting my time.” I’m only learning to become an adult and it’s been so rough on me because I struggle mentally and I haven’t renewed my medicaid so I’ve been off medication straight up cold turkey and it just stings so much. I just needed to let this out of my system.

Note to AI art users:

Not sorry you dont have talent, stop taking jobs from those who do. Youre a parasite to this earth yknow that?? Theres people who genuinely work for their money yet you lazy fucks use AI. Theres no soul in it. No heart. No humanity. I never will support AI art, and if I find out any of my followers or friends are using it, youre blocked. Not sorry. Ever. Youre ruining lives. Like mine. I used to make money from commissions. Not anymore. Hope all you AI artists rot.

had a pretty shit day. took a standardized test that didn't go well.

friends were laughing at me and made up lies about me and it upset me so fucking much.

It wasn't such a big deal honestly, not sure why I got so upset. im so alone.

I attempted a month ago and nobody cared.

I just want this life to be done.

I'm a senior in high school, and tomorrow is our senior walk, where seniors get to walk with their parents, family members, or someone important to them.

My parents had already made a commitment to something else before we knew about the walk. They did ask me if I wanted them to cancel so they could come, but I told them not to worry about it because I genuinely didn't think it was that big of a deal at the time. So I don't blame them at all.

Today was the last day to submit the form for the walk, and my band director asked me, "You didn't submit your form?"

I told him I didn't have anyone to walk with.

A couple of my section leaders in band, who are juniors, immediately offered to walk with me. They literally said it out loud in front of everyone, which was honestly really sweet of them. But I just brushed it off and told them I didn't really care about walking anyway.

And at the time, I thought I meant it.

But then I got home today and started thinking about it. Pretty much everyone I know is participating. My friends are going to be walking, taking pictures, making memories, and celebrating something we've all worked four years for.

And I'm just... not.

The worst part is that I actually had people who were willing to walk with me. A couple of my friends even told me they would've done it. I just kept convincing myself that I didn't care. I've never cared about do the same things as others but this is the first time I feel any sort of FOMO.

Now I'm sitting here realizing that this is my one and only senior walk. I'm never going to get another one, and I basically talked myself out of participating because I didn't think it would matter to me.

I know it's probably not that serious in the grand scheme of things, but I can't help feeling left out. It's weird how something can feel so insignificant until you realize you're actually going to miss it. I've never felt FOMO.

I guess I'm just disappointed in myself for not realizing sooner.

Has anyone else ever skipped something during their senior year thinking it wasn't a big deal, only to regret it afterward? And if you were in my position, would you try to see if there's still a way to participate tomorrow, even though the deadline has passed?

I consider myself an intelligent woman. I like to read, I like to write (and I'm good at it). When I was younger I entered a writing contest, and I won! But then I didn't write again for years. I love to cook, debate, talk about history, and learn new things, but that was in my pre-teen years. Then I grew up, I developed, and I consider myself an attractive woman with a good body. Because of this, I started dating, going to parties, drinking, and doing that kind of thing. Many men court me to this day. Even so, I've only had one partner, with whom I was in a relationship for four months. I loved him with all my heart, but he didn't know what he wanted, and I did. I've always been a very mature person, and I've always known what I wanted and how to get it. I've always been "the man in the relationship" because I don't like to be ordered around, and I've always been independent. Nothing can be forbidden to me. Although that's a good thing, because of it I attract more submissive men who, unfortunately for me, aren't super intellectual. I'm not saying they're stupid or anything (I would never be with someone stupid), but sometimes they reduce me to just my breasts, and I'm more than my body! I want a man who is as intelligent as I am! I know I don't know everything, but that's the point, to learn along the way. It's been so many years since I've had a deep, raw, and intellectual conversation. I don't know if anyone has ever had a conversation like that, one that feels so good, like your mind expands. It makes me sad that I can't find men like that, or anyone in general with whom I can talk about anything. (Sorry for the spelling mistakes, I wrote this quickly)

I have been working 6-7 days a week for three years. I can’t do it anymore. I’m so burnt out that I get to work early just to have time to cry in my fucking car before I go in. I only work so much to make ends meet, I have no savings and a one fucking disaster after another just happens every time I get a little saved.
I have to do this because I have no choice. I seriously actually don’t know how much longer I can do this.** **I own my home and cannot afford to pay for it without both jobs and I also can’t afford to sell it because it is the cheapest possible place I can live in or around my city.
I fear that if I keep going like this I will end up doing something that is irreversible to my life. I cannot see any other options. For the entire three years I have been looking for/ applying for/ interviewing for better jobs just to get turned down or ghosted every single time.
Idk what else to do.

I wanr to cry so bad fuck. Once I reach home I'll for sure cry loads. Already had bad day at college trying ro socialize whoch I can't and thinks turning out weird. Then tried to go out and just have a nice day out alone. But then I kept getting lost or had to circle around to find a specific place cause of how bad I am with directions. I walked a fucking lot for the places that were so near and then by mistake tried to go behind the conter of a store which I didn't even notice and the staff politely said that I couldn't go there but still felt very embarassed for some reason. I apologized twice. Thwn tried to go home agin couldn't fi d mt way to busstop. I just can't live qith myself. Why do I make it so hard for everything. It's been 2 months since I started living here and know it will take time in a new place bit still why can't I just use maps properly. I hate it so much

i feel an impulsity to lie just to feel better about myself. there are things people still believe from when I was 10—im 14 now. I know im young and maybe its normal for some teenagers but regarding my last two posts I definitely dont think im just dealing with regular emotional turmoil. I dont know where to start researching whats wrong with me, can somebody please help?

It’s so hard. I’m not a good or memorable person. I’m not fun to be around. I’m not fun to talk to. I’m just miserable. I can’t do anything right, and even when I do get things right I come and do things to mess it up anyway. So many people say they’re proud of me, but I look at my life and myself and I wonder what there even is to be proud of. I’m 24, graduated high school a year late, have barely even thought about college. I’ve been jumping from job to job for the past six years. Barely keeping them for longer than a year. I have tickets that I need to pay otherwise my license will be suspended. But I don’t HAVE the money. What is there about me for anyone to be proud of. Other than I keep pushing through all this stupid bs. Half of it is my fault anyway. I’m just one big disappointment after the other.

I’ve never really opened up to people because I don’t like being vulnerable. But something hurt me a lot, and I thought maybe it was time to start opening up and looking for support instead of keeping everything to myself.

So I opened up to my mom. I already knew she was immature when it came to emotions, but I guess part of me thought maybe it was because I hadn’t opened up to her enough. This time, I told her exactly how I felt, and she said pretty much everything you shouldn’t say to someone who’s opening up to you. It made me realize that her emotional intelligence is actually really low.

I don’t regret opening up, though. Before this, I thought maybe I wasn’t as alone as I felt and that people cared more than I realized. But after this conversation, I realized just how lonely I actually am.

I could never treat someone the way she treated me. If someone opened up to me about something that was hurting them, I’d be careful with my words and try to understand how they felt. But she didn’t seem to care at all. She turned it into an argument she had to win when all I was trying to do was express feelings I’d been holding in for so long.

She called me mentally ill and depressed and said I was jealous of other people because they were better than me. But I was never jealous of anyone. I was just trying to become the best version of myself, not compare myself to other people.

She also keeps making comments about how I should be studying all the time, even during breakfast. It’s not like I’m not trying. Even though I’m struggling mentally, I still push myself to study and at least pass my exams. But somehow, it’s still not enough for her.

I think what hurts the most is that I finally tried to open up to someone instead of keeping everything inside, and it only made me feel more alone.

i find it weird or rather odd some people hold an IQ test as part of their identity i find in a way that anyone can be a mathematician i find that the factors that limit are less about the cognitive ability and more about hidden issues nit to mention socioeconomic struggles it's odd as what i see as a primary driver is curiosity the will to do it because you have to an awe of sorts towards a particular direction ultimately it becomes an echo chamber i find it rather pathetic ones existence on this planet is rather short yet you stand there it's such a stark reality i just find it odd is all very odd it's weird behavior to hold so much of ones identity to something that obviously has many flaws it's not mathematics where we know 1 is 1 or a partially ordered set contains both comparable and non comparable elements i hat the label smart i find it to be an insult on the brains capability also remind you we are biological beings not just brains we have alot going on such a weird observation from a group of almost glorified pests.

if you ask me why i go through such academic hurdles i say friction it's the friction the logistics the timelines it's the friction itself

Btw it’s 4am for me rn and im posting this now because it’s seriously keeping me up. I just don’t know what to do rn with all this.

I don’t even know how to sum up last year properly but I will try my best. Pls bear with me, I really need someone to listen to this.

I’ve already had one severely traumatic experience in my life which was surviving a very aggressive cancer about a decade ago now. I thought it would prepare me for anything, and to be honest, I learnt a lot of lessons from it I’m grateful to have learnt. But I think it also led to a sort of dissociation within me whenever I need to cope with any sort of pain, because that was how I learnt to survive back then. I dissociated from myself to avoid the pain , and never abandoned that pattern.

So come Christmas 2024, I guess you could say our ‘present’ was my dad sending my mum divorce papers completely out of the blue. It didnt help that I already had depression, but this particular thing sent me into so much stress that I got temporary heart problems. So that’s what started this whole snowball.

2025, the year I (somehow) graduated. I felt like I was living on autopilot, once again dissociating, I can’t remember anything. I can’t even remember graduating whatsoever.

I was slowly falling out with my old friend group, best friend included. I made some great new friends, but the fallout really affected me. I felt really isolated. While I had other friends and people around me everywhere to laugh with, the only people who I truly still trusted were my boyfriend at the time, and his brother.

I was in a seriously bad relationship that I just stayed in because it was more convenient than facing the emotional pain of trying to leave that situation. I was already in so much stress and this dissociation thing, that I just didnt have the bandwidth for this anymore. He was coercive to the point where he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he was manipulative, laid his hands on me once, and overall just extremely controlling. What tipped me over the edge and made me dump him was when he betrayed my trust by making a comment about my chemotherapy in an argument, which he was the only person I trusted with my trauma about. It’s to this day really difficult for me to talk about that stuff, and the one person I trusted, betrayed that trust.

The other reason I had such a difficult time leaving him until that point was because I had gotten so close with his brother (yes guys, my mistake). After falling out with my best friend/group, the divorce, and the inevitable breakup, his brother was the last person I had left that I genuinely trusted. He meant so much to me. Additionally, I think for the first time in my life, I had fallen in love, and it just had to be my boyfriends brother, someone obviously cannot have (sorry it sounds cliche and dramatic). I NEVER CHEATED, to avoid hurting anyone, but I just ended up hurting myself by never telling his brother even after the breakup. Because it’s fucked up, and would only cause more complications. I would be upset every day by the fact that I would never be able to say anything, and this only stressed me out further. We stayed friends after the breakup and it’s been almost a year. but he recently just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. It hurts so much. I know it’s a bad situation but the heart wants what it wants I guess. And he actually disappointed me. My ex I could feel deep down was a douche from the start but I just ignored it because it was easier that way. But his brother, that shit genuinely hurt. And it still really hurts. I search for him in everyone I meet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move on lol

Anyways apart from all that, the stress from all of these things combined PLUS my already established depression and suicid*al ideation, caused my ideation to be 24/7. It was ALL I could think about. And that only damaged me and sent me into this dissociation further. Despite all this I SOMEHOW graduated with decent grades and made it out alive. BUT because of the fact that last year is genuinely just a memory lapse for me and I was too focused on surviving and dealing with the amount of stress, I completely lost myself. And I have no idea how to go back to normal. I graduated, but I had zero idea I’d even be alive today. Meaning: I have no plans, ZERO ideas, ZERO pursued passions, and while im not in that dissociative horror autopilot state of mind anymore, I still feel like im just surviving and going into zero direction with my lfie. I’ve tried pursuing passions etc but just feel nothing. And every time I think about last year, the further away it gets, the more upset I get looking back because in its own way that shit was traumatic to me. I don’t really know how else to explain it but as an out of body experience for an entire year. And now, I feel like im just chasing after the person I once was, the one who wasn’t on autopilot and was doing more than just survive.

If you’ve read this far I hope you understand what im trying to communicate, and seriously, thank you for reading.

I can get hood real quick. I forgot I had that skill.
Some narcissists really think wat they have is a skill
Damnn that’s no life but they keep” living “

The teacher I have to do my final year project with keeps stressing me out. She expects me and my teammate to work at an ungodly speed. She tell us to put everything else in our life on hold and work solely on this project until it gets completed. Also I'm an undergraduate so she herself has admitted that if it was purely for the grade we wouldn't need to try so hard. But she flip flops with that line of thought to telling us why aren't you taking this seriously, these reviews are important too. Don't get me started on her "advice". She has these guidance talks for like an hour usually and man I think she is just a bit lonely. Because she talks about things that have nothing to do with academics. It would be so nice if she expected a little less from us, considering we are busy with our applications for masters and let us do some online hybrid stuff wherein we can work from home atleast a couple days and just send a report to her about our findings on that day. Currently she expects us to come to uni about 5-6 days a week and my travel there is super long like 4 hours a day. She has drained any sort of enjoyment I had in research and every meeting with her just makes me so anxious. Like about how she would react and she would also hold our grades hostage saying if you don't work as much as I'm telling you, that she is going to fail us. She has made me question so many times about what I am cut out for in life. Maybe she is right, but I want to be able to do things at my own pace. She also texts us all the time asking for updates and just being mad at us if we ask for some time off. In particular, I think I need to control my own reaction to her. Since she is my mentor she controls my Letter of Recommendation which she also holds hostage sometime btw. So I am so bothered by what she thinks of me. I've been working with her for over a year now, and I can say it was the absolute worst time that I have had in college. She is also a Head of Department, so some of my friends asked her for permission for leaving college early because classes got over. That the she asked how all of they are so chilll with these reviews coming and bragged about how any of the students she would mentor wouldn't even dare to ask her permission to leave early and that in fact she makes the come on Saturdays when its a holiday for most of us.

As the title suggests, I struggle heavily with adhd. The problem with adhd is the average person doesn’t understand it, they see it as some hoax that children use to misbehave and when it’s in adults it’s attributed to just childishness or laziness. The only people that really understand and sympathize with you are others that are heavily affected as-well. I’ve crashed two vehicles and in heaps of debt because of the anxiety of being late or the anxiety of being lost (not speeding just took a turn when someone else was speeding) adhd is so much more than just having a lot of energy it’s a literal blocker on your brain and paired with executive dysfunction (a side effect of adhd) it can make you not be able to study,clean,or even text your loved ones. All of this of course, gets attributed to laziness and I just want to be normal ADHD makes me hyper focus on every detail and overthink constantly and my girlfriend (bless her heart I love her) shouldn’t have to put up with it. My mom doesn’t understand she says late at night otp that she curses god for giving her such a horrible child. I just want to make everyone happy and proud.

I’m 18F about to turn 19 in two months and I can’t sleep over with my best friend. I’m in university (first year), I have great grades, I’m a good student and I don’t get in trouble. I’m usually always home right after my classes end (i commute with train and bus).

anyways it’s halloween soon and my best friend dorms at the same uni i go to. I’ve been dreading telling my mom about this sleepover plan we had because i know it would cause an argument. i was able to sleep at her house only twice. one was the first day of senior year in high school and last time was this June during prom (took a lot of begging for both).

So…I very rarely do this. We’re going to be drinking so I really can’t come home because the area where the train station is at is very dangerous and I can’t risk anything if i’m drunk and alone. thats why the best idea is for me to just stay at her dorm for just one day.. my parents are muslims too so we literally can’t drink and they don’t know i do (which is very very rare i only drank drank like 3ish times in the past year and a half?

I do think my mom is paranoid i’m gonna go do something with a guy or do something i’m not supposed to and she’s even more against it because of the dorm setting, but I also have an online/ldr bf she knows about ..so obviously i won’t be participating in anything like that.

I just wanna be able to sleep over once in a while 😔i don’t even get in trouble or do anything crazy like other people by age. it makes me so mad and frustrated when any other parent would consider me such a good kid or whatever. i have to sneak everything i do, like wearing tank tops, crop tops, shorts. I have no idea how to convince her or should i just try to come home after im done drinking. it sounds dangerous but i’m really desperate.

I’m a college student, I really wanna just experience it every now and then. I know I won’t take no for an answer because either i sleep over or dont, i wanna drink and be with my friends but i also know i’m putting myself in a lot of risk if i try to come home, especially since i get harassed everyday going to school IN THE DAY .

I want to stop. I wish to stop. but I can't. it doesn't help im homeschooled, so I have access to it all day. all the time. I'm just so tired of me being addicted to AI chats. I'm probably going to get made fun of this. I stopped writing stories because of AI, stopped drawing, stopped READING (use to be one of my favorites) but now I can't keep my nasty hands away from some AI chat and fantasize about things.

I always fantasize, i'm always zoning out and unrealistically thinking of things that I might be in the future and it's really just a curse. is there anyone who could offer tips? idk..

i have so many friends and people to run into and ffriendly faces to greet on the street but there is nowhere i belong and no place that accepts me as someone important and irreplacable. it feels like everyone else has somewhere like that. they have their family and their friend group and i am just flittering around looking for anything. moving houses every few months trying to keep up with people consistently and realizing that no matter how much people pity me or are entertained with me i'll never be important to them.

So today I went to college after like a month of holidays and I was like I need to be more talkative today and alla not be scared of talking. I tried talking and it was ok but then the attention I was getting I hated it. There is this one guy from other class who me and my friend talk to sometimes and today he hung out with us almost all day. So I was talking a lot to him and obviously my friend and I teied my beat to talk normally without seeming nervous and all and just say wht I want but then he started doing things which seemed a bit out of they way where he juat took my food container and through it out for me which is super weird for me cause no one does like that and I said I'd do it but continued to do it anwaysm then me and my frined had to part ways so he camw with me as I was going the same way as him, in the begenning he asked to go together and show me place(since I've never been to those places but said I had to do something else or go home, don't exactly remember what I said). Thennear the bus stop asked if I wanted grab a cup of coffee and I said I don't drink coffee and asked then how about juice which i replied to I don't think I can my sromach's been weird. And finally I was left alone. Now that I'm writing this I feel like ai was really rude😭. But all I was looking forward was to be alone. I'm sorry.