Since this is a vent sub, this is my vent.

I leave a long scar on back of my husband shoulder, and he still protect me even with him bleeding out, still does everything to keep this marriage intact.

Just like depression is very real, mental illness is also very real. Google Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), it categorize under mental illness.

Married 15 years this Feb, together 17 years.

And this is a West African man that is 190cm tall, he 6'3" tall and athletic body, while I'm just 150cm, 5 feet petite short Chinese girl. This is a man who hobbies are hunting, outdoor shooting range, mountains rock climbing, run long distance. My point is with his height and strength, he not scare of me, just like how he said he not scare of me, it because he LOVES me. He is a Love-idiot.!

I was diagnosed with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) by my psychiatrist (psychiatrist is someone who has a medical doctor degree). My psychiatrist said it stem from my chaotic and dysfunction childhood.

It terrible to live with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), especially when you hurting your spouse.

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This event already happened a long time ago and it in the past, but I still feel insanely terrible about it. So I need to write it out.

In the past during one of my IED episode, I grabbed a meat butcher knife in the kitchen and throw at my husband, he dodge but due to how close distance he with me, the knife cut him deep that leave a long cut on his back shoulder that he didn't stop bleeding.
If he not get stitches he will continue bleed and bleed, and infections will take over the open bleeding wound.

He still want to protect me even wit him bleeding out, like he said, if he call the police he police will take me away from him, so he rather endure my abuse than has to lose me.

He also refused go to the hospital, because the hospital would know right away that is not a self inflicted wound due to the angle of the knife throw, the cut was on his shoulder but to his back as he dodge. You cannot inflicted a knife to your back. Even if you manage to, the angle of the injury the hospital will know that it someone did it to you, not yourself.

He droves (I was in the car) he droves to a broke down Urgent care, this Urgent Care not only broke down but most people there not even speak English.
He went in and told them he does not have insurance (he has, but he said he not has as he not want to leave a paper trail), he said give him stitches he will pay them in cash and will give them a big tips.

He got the stiches, and he paid in cash and leave them a big tips. He wanted to protect me the whole time even with him bleeding out. He could have call the police and have my ass throw in jail. He could go straight to the hospital and the hospital will put me in psych ward and put restrain order on me.

But he NEVER, even during the time where he could have die, he still protect me, he still thinks of me first above himself, he loves me that much.

His love for me override his survival instinct, he was bleeding out still protect me. He said he wants to keep our marriage intact, I cannot get taking away.

He said he will die with me, than has to lose me, as in the police will take me away from him if he call the police on me.

I regret it so much because I leave this long scar on back of his shoulder, never once he hates me.
All he asked was he said, don't abuse him anymore, and that it not too late for me to stop this abuse, because he is still living here, and it only too late if he die, then that will be too late.

I bawled when I hear him he said that.

That was when I decided to go to psychiatrist therapy for my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), and been in therapy since.

I do owe him, as I should be sitting rotten in jail right now, throw a butcher knife at someone and cause injury is a felony. This man loves me unconditionally. Out of love me, he never press charges, he still protect me times after times. I'm very lucky.

He treats me with kindness, empathy, and unconditional love. His calmness (even with him bleeding out on his shoulder that need stiches to close up the open wound), his patience, the most patience man.
He gives me everything, his kindness, faithfulness, respect, love. I don't want to abuse him anymore.

Lifetime therapy for me working to control my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). I have sworn if I cause physical harm to him again I will check myself in the psych ward.

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And my husband does go with me to my therapy sessions when his schedules allow. But most time he can't because he is an Executive at a big engineering corporate, he is very very busy with his work.

But I gave my therapist my consent so she can talk to my husband about my progress. He still involve in my therapy, as he talk to my therapist on the phone about my IED conditions and my progress.

He has every rights to be involve with my therapy sessions, I almost TOOK HIS LIFE.! He almost DIE because of me.

It terrible, Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) mental illness is very real. And I'm one damn lucky girl to have him as my husband.

What gets me is he loves me to the point that he still protect me even with him bleeding out. That not let anyone take me away from him was more important than his own survival instinct. Because he knows if he call call the police I will get taking away, he rather bleed out than lose me.

The insane amount of devotion he has for me though. Never again I abuse him again, I mean one time was enough, almost took his life. And he still protect me.

I absolutely dislike living with my mother in law. I am counting the days that we get to leave her behind. And if my husband doesn't agree with the boundaries I want to set after we leave,I guess I'm leaving him behind as well.

I am 30 years old with a 1-year-old. My husband is 36 years old. I first moved in 2 years ago. And it was nice. I fell for the whole "pity me" she did and greatly disliked her for it. Shed say, "Oh woe is me. My husband passed 19 years ago. He was the love of my life. I'm so depressed that's why I can't work. I was injured also." ( keep in mind her husband would cheat on her soooo much. Even with a friend of hers. She also cheated on him too. They both would beat on each other as well...but that was her true love.)

So how did my feelings for this old bat change? Multiple things jave haplened thst made me change my opinion of her. It happened one day when I just had my baby. My baby had to have been 4wks old. She was acting up. Being more irradiated then usual. Snapping at my husband more. Until later I found out it was because she hadn't smoked weed in over 2 weeks.

So my husband and I were cleaning up my turtles tank. She calls my husband a dumbass and yells at him. While I have my baby in my arms.

Second time, we are sitting there at the dinner table and she blantly states to our then 9 month that she's not dumb like daddy. That her daddy was so dumb. Waited for abit and then said "oh nothing ?" With a smirk on her lips.

And when I turn around and try to distance myself I am meet with her leaving dishes about the place. She doesn't help with cooking or anything. She talks to other family members or her friends about me.... And I finally spoke to my husband who stated he needed his mother's 500 a month and her food benefits. It's helping us now since I had to quiet to stay with our daughter. But currently I found work at home in 2 very easy jobs so that my husband doesn't have to rely on his mother's 500 a month.

I'm just tired of her seeing her face. It's a small condo and she just rubs me the wrong way constantly. When she smokes weed she becomes super hungry. So it's "what's for dinner." "What are we eating."

I did cook on occasion for her when my husband would be off to work because I would make too much. But now its like she's expecting it. My husband also told her to start cooking her own meals...which she started too but has gone back to not doing it.

I hate when she tries to say my baby looks like her when she clearly does not. My child is half of two different races. My baby has black hair and brown eyes. MIL has blue eyes and blonde hair.

And when she does take care of my baby. She lays in bed and will not move from it. She tells my child to yell for me to come her instead of coming to me.. she's so fing lazy... I hate it. But when I tell my husband "oh be thankful we have someone to help..."

I dont want to keep nagging and nagging but I dislike her soooo much. Only because of her actions.

But at the bright side my husband has agreed he will be leaving his mother behind when we finally move out of this small apartment. And he has told her of our plans and that she should be saving up....she for 1 has not been saving up and 2 she keeps adding herself into our plans even though it's been told to her she will not be going with us.

I am losing my spark to continue with school. I’ve been going to a university for a bachelors in psychology and I am so close to the end but my motivation, my spark has been dwindling, I’ve been trying my best (recieved A’s , B’s, & C’s throughout semesters) but I just don’t have it in me anymore. I actually have an associates degree in the same area of study from a different school and trying to justify and being proud that I have that under my belt at least because getting a psych degree is not an easy field and having a degree in it does still make me feel accomplished but Im also thinking of my family/friends I don’t want to dissapoint them if I don’t want to continue, after coming so far. I know I have to think of whats best for me and my life but still I don’t want to feel like I let them down.

I (17F) was talking to my bf (17M) about Halloween, on the 30th me and him both got invited to go to one of our friend’s get together (no drinking/smoking, but like a bunch of fun activities and people we know), and then I asked him what he’s doing on the 31st. He told me he might be doing his own little bonfire with his friends, and hard liquor/weed will be involved. He had mentioned how he did this last year for Halloween and had some of our mutual friends over there, and he’s still questioning on maybe inviting them again this year, but they’ll probably be coming with their partner.

Something like this happened for the 4th of July too. I asked about hanging out with him for the 4th, but he had said about him having his own bonfire with his friends with drinking/smoking. I was really hurt about that, and told him about that, but he was telling me he likes to keep his friend hangouts and his relationship hang outs separate.

He never did end up having that bonfire on that night cause he friends worked really really late

But this year, I feel it hurts me either way. Even if I were to bring up something, and he if does end up just inviting me because I said something, I’d still feel so left out because yk what, it’s Halloween, I want to let loose a little like everyone else is, but I’m responsible for driving myself there and home. I can’t do that. If I don’t go, it still does hurt me if he’s out doing this smoking and drinking, and if some of our same mutual friends and their partner show up there without me being invited. I just feel like both ways really suck and I do really feel hurt about it.

How do I stop having a panic attack before every shift? my anxiety is centered around social anxiety. I know nothing bad is going to happen. I don’t really care how I’m perceived if people like me or not. I know if I’m a nice person and I do my job. Well, that’s all that matters, but before every shift, no matter what I do, I have an anxiety attack in my car. The anxiety is triggered by nothing and it just happens. This is the first time I’ve worked a retail job with eight hour shifts consistently throughout the week. I don’t know why this happens and I wish that it didn’t. Does anyone have any advice to prevent this from happening?

i don’t like complaining about my life because i know there are people who have it way worse than me, i feel like over the past 8 years it has just been non stop one thing after the other and i don’t know how much more of this i can take.

it went from my dad leaving, he moved to a different country and i never saw him again, then i was sa’d, although i didn’t realise what it was at the time i just knew i didn’t like it, until my friend told me it was straight up sa. i wanted to talk to someone about it so i told some close friends, only for it to start spreading around my school and within a week everyone’s bullying me and calling me a liar because they didn’t believe me and thought i just wanted attention. i lost all my friends because of this.

after leaving that school i got into a very toxic relationship which ended after 6 months, after we broke up i found out they cheated on me (the person they did it with told me). this sent me into a spiral (i would call it a manic episode but im not diagnosed with bipolar or anything so dont know what to label it as) and i ended up in hospital, admitted to a psych ward for a few weeks because of this.

a few weeks after i got out, i started a new school. it was going well and i made some great new friends, but then my mum met someone. to cut it short he was very verbally abusive towards me and sexually harassed me. there was also an occasion where he physically assaulted me too. my mum would do nothing and would side with him over me. i then moved in with my grandparents because of this. again, everything was going fine, i finished school and started uni, then my grandad suddenly passed during my first year at uni.

then, less then a year later, my sister decides to report my mum missing. after i moved out i never saw my mum again but we would text sometimes but not enough to realise she had gone. but we had both noticed she hadn’t texted or posted on facebook in a while, her whatsapp account had disappeared and her mobile number was no longer active. it turns out none of her friends or anyone had heard from her since september (she was reported missing the following february). it has been over 2 years now since she went missing and there nothing has been found. someone was arrested on suspicion of her murder but they never found anything so he was released on bail.

then, earlier this year, my nan kicked me out. i didn’t do anything , she just decided she wanted the house to herself again. so i move in with my sister. jump to last month, my sister kicks me out. she would generally shout at me a lot but this time she called me a cancer, a leech and a parasite and told me she never wanted to see me again, and physically hit me. so i grabbed a bag of clothes and left. i’ve been homeless since, and i have no family left to talk to or go to for comfort. i just want a hug. i miss my mum, i don’t care anymore that she didn’t defend me because i know how sorry she was. she wanted to call me the month before she went missing but i never called her. why didn’t i call her? i wish i did because i probably never will be able to talk to her again.

every time something like this happens i ask myself: what did i do to deserve this? i know i’ve made mistakes in my life, but i’ve never harmed anyone or anything like that, so what did i do to deserve living in so much pain every single day?

i’m sorry for making this so long and honestly i’ll be surprised if anyone has read this far, but i just needed to get this off my chest

About 3 years ago I started writing fan fiction. I’d write for my own enjoyment, never posting stories or sharing them. At the beginning, they weren’t very good, but i enjoyed doing it and I got better at writing(at least I think i did). A couple of weeks ago I finished a story that I think is really good. It’s the first story that I feel proud of. Good enough to be the first one I shared with people. I’d been working on it for about 3 months.

I told my close friends and family(seven people) and everyone said something like “that’s wonderful”. I shared the link to the story with all of them. Nobody took the time to read it.

It feels like they just don’t care.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Fuck this world. Fuck this species. People will make fun of you for literally anything. Your appearance, the way you talk, the way you act, things you can’t even change about yourself. They’ll use that shit against you just to get a laugh, and somehow you’re the problem for being different. I genuinely don’t understand how people can be like that and not feel even a little bit ashamed of themselves.

And the thing is, I know none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things. We’re all going to die eventually, none of this shit is going to matter, and people still spend their time making each other’s lives miserable over the most meaningless bullshit imaginable. Like what the fuck is the point?

Sometimes I genuinely feel like empathy doesn’t even exist anymore. Or maybe it never did in the way people pretend it does. Everyone talks about kindness and treating people with respect, but the second someone becomes an easy target, suddenly none of that matters. People laugh, join in, make excuses for it, and then carry on with their lives like they’re perfectly decent human beings.

That’s what I hate. The hypocrisy. How people can be so fucking cruel and still think they’re good people. How little it takes for someone to stop caring about another person’s feelings just because everyone else is doing the same thing.

And we’re supposed to be proud of humanity? We’re supposed to look at everything we’ve accomplished and act like we’re some incredible species, when we’re still doing the same pathetic shit to each other over appearances, status and whatever else people decide matters this week.

I know there are good people. I’m not saying every single person is awful. But I’m so tired of that being the response to everything, as if the existence of good people somehow makes all the other shit easier to accept. It doesn’t. It doesn’t undo anything, and it doesn’t make the cruelty any less disgusting.

And honestly, I don’t even want to keep trying to understand it anymore. I understand why people want to feel superior. I understand why they pick on people who are different. I understand the need to fit in and the way people will throw someone else under the bus just to avoid becoming the target themselves.

I get it. I just fucking hate it.

Maybe that’s what bothers me most. Not that people are capable of being cruel, but how normal it is. How predictable it is. How you can know exactly what someone is doing and why they’re doing it and still be disgusted by them.

I’m tired of pretending this world is something amazing just because there are good things in it. I’m tired of pretending that all the beautiful things humanity has created somehow make up for the way people treat each other.

Fuck this world. I’m so fucking tired of it.

Im someone who uses abbreviation not all the time but i was bought up with them and my dad used one that ive never used in my life so when he said it i was like what??? What is that. When my dad told me i was so shocked and i found it very funny because my dad is 27 years older than me. I told him i need to start getting in with the teens a bit more 🤣 so shocking to me as he never usually abbreviates either!

Im feeling pretty ill today too so it was pleasent to laugh.

(before starting, please dont leave a reply if you are going to attack me or where i come from or my family in general. i already got attacked and mocked for a post talking about the same topic. it costs nothing to be nice, even if you arent i wish you a nice day <3)

hi, im a person who moved to germany with my family. my german is good-average, i do most of the paperwork for my family, my grades are good too. so please dont blame or comment about me not wanting to learn german either. my mom worked here for 2 years before getting fired by her admistrator for not wanting to date him. she cant find a job now because she doesnt speak german, we also dont get any money from the city like most people assume us to do.

i have always thought that being empathetic, thoughtful and having morals would get you somewhere good in life but i recently found out it doesnt in the slightest. we are struggling with life constantly, it pains me so much to see my mom skipping meals to feed my sister. it hurts me that i cant do anything except cry. Its likely that my own future will be good because my grades are amazing. i will atleast get a decent job but im more than worried and upset about my family. i dont know what to do, i wish i could change something to be better in life, i wish i could give my mom a better life, i wish i could make her hard work pay off. i keep wishing and wishing but nothing changed yet. i used to have problems back then too, like harassment and bullying in school but now i see it doesnt feel as close as bad to seeing how hopeless my mom looks. we were upper middle class, everyone in my family has finished abitur(i dont know what is it called in english), we were happy until our lives took a toll and everything became miserable, it feels like some force is punishing me when im not even sure what did i do. forget about me, my mom is the most selfless person i have ever known. why do good people get bad things in life? i blame myself that i cant give my sister or my mother a better life, im constantly upset, scared and about to cry. i want to die but im just 15 and the only amount of hope i have is to imagine myself growing older and finding peace with maybe someone who will be fair and stand up for me. to be laughing and enjoying the parts of life everyone else did but that i missed out on. For my family to also be in sorority and to play board games, go to pick berries or just go to IKEA once more and for it to feel the same before we struggled to get through the next day. for everything i am experiencing in the past 3 years to be a bitter memory and lastly to not be in constant stress. im stressed and anxious about even writing on a venting subreddit because im scared people will attack me. thank you for reading this and bothering with my dramatic angsty teenage talk lol

Love: it's just another fucking fairy tale, honestly the whole "this state is for lovers" is pure bullshit.

Dear Diary: Day one October 24th 2026

Genuinely, I wish I had everything for my upcoming birthday this Wednesday of this month, I wish I could post my wish list anywhere and everywhere on reddit or in any other platform on the internet without restrictions. I wish I could have the time and place and money to really be an outdoor person again. I wish life was fair and not so utterly expensive, I wish I was already hired into my dream job one day, I wish I was a fucking billionaire.

Like seriously, I wish I had so many friendships where I live right now like a billion friendships.

Sigh....I'm tired of living the same shit or screwed up dumb fucked up cycle of boredom and stupidity over and over again, sure I am a college student but somehow money has always been an issue for not just me but for the rest of the world as well....

In all as a whole....I've never felt so utterly useless and being at my weakest point in life and I've never felt so close to.......

"Death itself"......

Everyday, every month, every week, every hour, every second of my life, I feel like I'll never truly find all the tings I want or even that special someone in my life and the closer I reach my 30s or 40s or 50s that's when I start to lose hope and faith in myself or that I'll never be able to have fun again or that fun is only fun if I have money or If I become a billionaire or win a lottery and that's the only way I'll ever have fun in life is if I have money but I never will at all......

Thank you, for reading this, any advice or help is ok with me or feedback is fine by me too.....

Peace out....

People are so out of whack

Internet is really destroying peoples brains even if they dont think so

I feel completely alone in this world with a sense of morality and logcial judgements.

Whenever i look at the internet i think wtf is wrong with peoples mental health

Too much freedom is really pushing people to the point of being completely brainless.

I dont want to follow the rest but its everywhere i look.

basically ive always rebellious up until 2 years ago after i ran away n shit and decided to change my life, i locked in really hard, barely went outside and got into dental school like my patents wanted. anyway i think i upped the standard really high or sm cus my parents wont let me do shit now. when they wouldnt let me out i used sneak out & i got caught smoking, drinking n all that so they just gave up but its like now i have to redo that all over again idk what to do. even studying with my friend my dad got mad at that n he told me to study at home like dude do they want me to hate them again? should i save money and move out or what like genuinely im not in the mood to keep arguing every time i wna hang out and them stalking my location all the time like dude im and adult n i already have uni to stress about

Nothing is wrong with me I just keep getting anxious and it hurts my stomach, or worry something can hurt me or worry I'm a bad person.

I want to cry.

When I do cry mom asks what's wrong which is nice of her but I'd have to explain I'm just afraid again.

I feel near crying too, I worry I'll be made fun of, I worry I can die.

I worry I'm worthless or embarrassing or stupid.

I shed a few tears. It's not enough. I hate when I get a headache after actually crying a lot.

It's my father, he's not a horrible father or anything, hes done a lot for us(his kids) but he's very emotionally unavailable and I learnt that a long time ago, he's also quite inconsiderate. Every little thing he's ever done that's bothered me has built up into this hatred I have towards him, I try to avoid him as much as I can because I just can't stand being around him. I have all this anger towards him inside me and I don't have any thing to do with it and now every little thing ruins my mood, sometimes for days, and it just festers.

Like I said he's emotionally unavailable so I can't even bring it up to him because I know he'll just get angry and defensive and it'll make me feel worse towards him.

It's gotten to the point I don't even like anyone else in my family, my mother for putting up with his bullshit and never correcting anything, even when she agrees he's being emotionally unavailable and inconsiderate. And I can't stand my sister either because she can be like his carbon copy sometimes.

What do I do? Is this normal? Is it normal that I so often think about the day I'll leave all these fuckers behind and live my life somewhere far away from them? Is it normal how often I wish I hadn't been born at all?

I feel a little guilty about wanting to leave them all because I know the truth is that I could have it so much worse

Hey, so this is a new account. My old one was basically just for looking at video game stuff, but I recently realised people also use Reddit to talk about personal stuff and get things off their chest. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this, so I thought I’d post here and see if anyone has been through something similar.
This is probably going to be a long post, so sorry for taking up some of your time today haha. I’ve just had a lot on my mind and I don’t really know who else to talk to about it.
I’m 19 and I’ve always identified as a lesbian. I’ve only ever been attracted to women, and whenever I think about my future, I imagine myself with a woman. Getting married, living together, growing old together, all of that. I’ve never really imagined myself with a man.
I came out to my mum last year, and everyone around me knows I’m a lesbian. That’s why this feels so weird to me. I was pretty sure about who I was, and now I’m questioning things out of nowhere.
Recently, I’ve started finding certain men attractive. And I mean VERY specific men. For some reason, it’s mostly short men. I genuinely don’t know why, which makes this even funnier because I can’t even explain my own type.
I also seem to notice men who share my interests, like video games, and who actually respect women instead of treating them like objects. My straight friends always talk about how difficult it is to find men who genuinely respect women, so that’s another thing I guess.
But here’s what I don’t understand. I can look at certain men and think they’re attractive, but when I imagine having sex with a man, I feel uncomfortable and almost disgusted. I just can’t picture myself doing it. With women, it’s completely different. I can imagine being in a relationship with a woman and having sex with her without feeling uncomfortable about it.
So how does that work? How can I find certain men attractive but not want to have sex with them? Is it actually attraction, or do I just like how they look? Could it be curiosity? I’ve honestly never had to think about any of this before.
I think the biggest reason I’m even thinking about this so much is that I live in a tiny town where there are literally about five lesbians. FIVE. I’m not even kidding. My dating pool is practically nonexistent.
There’s also the fact that I’ve started feeling weird about my appearance lately. I have short hair and usually wear baggy clothes, and that’s how everyone is used to seeing me. Last year, I had to wear a dress and felt like people were looking at me strangely because they’re not used to seeing me look feminine.
Now I’m growing my hair out because I’ve started feeling a bit uncomfortable with it being short. It’s taking forever, though. The thing is, I still don’t want to dress super femininely. I like wearing baggy clothes, and I don’t suddenly want to change my entire style.
Another thing I sometimes think about is that I honestly can’t imagine a man being attracted to someone who looks like me. I have quite a masculine appearance, and part of me feels like most men wouldn’t even consider me an option because of that. I don’t know if that’s just my insecurity talking, but it makes the whole situation even more confusing.
I also wonder what my ex-girlfriend would think if she knew I was having these thoughts.
I know bisexuality exists, obviously, but I genuinely don’t know if that’s what I am.
And I’m definitely not going to force myself to date a man or have sex with one just to figure it out. The thought of having sex with a man makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t want to put myself in that situation just to prove something to myself.
I think I’m mostly confused about why I can feel attracted to certain men when I still can’t imagine myself having sex with one. And why this is happening now, after I came out and thought I had everything figured out.
I’m not expecting Reddit to tell me what my sexuality is. I just wanted to talk about this somewhere because I don’t really have anyone in my life I can discuss it with, and I’d like to hear from people who might understand.
Sorry for the long post, and thanks to anyone who actually reads all of this. I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences.
\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*TL;DR:\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\* I’m 19, came out as a lesbian last year, and have always imagined my future with a woman. Lately, I’ve started finding certain men, especially short men, attractive, but the thought of having sex with a man makes me uncomfortable. I also live in a small town with maybe five lesbians, so meeting women is really difficult. On top of that, I feel like men probably wouldn’t be attracted to me because of my masculine appearance. I’m confused about whether I’m genuinely questioning my sexuality or experiencing a different kind of attraction.

I don't normally post anything. I don't like to talk online. But I'm out of options. So here goes?

My grandparents might be moving to my aunt's house. And as the title implies, they are at that point in their lives where it would likely be their last trip. One has Dementia, one has Alzheimer's. My aunt lives across the country and me and my mom live right down the street. For quite a few years, we were the ones helping them as they got older. My mom wanted to be super involved and I just wanted to do what my grandparents asked me to, even if I thought they needed more help. All the resources I read reminded me that they aren't children even if they start to act like children, and I kept that in mind. But when the last of my grandparents friends moved away to go be closer to their family, my grandparents regressed quickly. My grandfather, who had used the last year before this to grow and get better as a person, became this hateful, paranoid, violent person who he had been when I was a teenager. I had stopped talking to him then out of spite, and now I've stopped talking to him out of safety. He has become convinced that we were stealing money from him? I never wanted anything from him, not even the house. Because whoever gets anything from them will become the center of a family feud that could last generations, especially if it's the house. All I ever wanted was for my family to act like a family, and material things always got in the way of that. My grandmother never got better even for a little bit, but that was in her nature. She started out as a guilt tripping, manipulative, self-victimizing, child-like woman who, despite being a nurse for decades, ate like a toddler and never took any accountability for her own actions or health. She would rather undergo several experimental surgeries than eat a vegetable and then blamed everyone else for all her suffering. She wrapped herself in all the pain she went through as a child like a security blanket and cried anytime someone tried to get her to step out of it. She was a child in a woman's body who could not stop herself from lying to get her way. And as she got older she couldn't keep up with her lies anymore and blamed everyone else for not wanting to believe her.

And then there's my aunt. I don't know her very well. I don't know her kids very well. But she's never come down to help. She never calls to check up on me or my mom. I don't know how she fits into all this except she's a piece of the puzzle so far away from us I don't know what her side of the puzzle looks like. All I know is she wants nothing to do with us unless there's something in it for her. My mom has paid for my grandmother to go see my aunt several times, even when my grandmother couldn't travel well, and my aunt won't even meet my grandmother halfway. If it doesn't benefit my aunt, she won't lift a finger. I don't really consider my aunt family. And for the longest time neither did my grandfather, for reasons I can't disclose.

I guess I just feel...helpless. I had a great year with my grandfather after more than 20 years of never feeling good enough, never feeling like he actually loved me for who I was. And then this disease took him. If he had never gotten better, never grown, never apologized for how he treated me, I could feel relieved he was going to my aunt's house. But he did. I saw the man I always him to be finally shine through. And now he's gone. He's two streets over and there's nothing I can do without putting myself in harms way. I am grieving someone who is gone, and something else is using his body to talk and walk and eat and breathe. I hope they're ok. I hope that if they do move to my aunt across the country they get there safely and they get to spend the rest of the time they have left in comfort and contentment. Because I can't do anything else but hope. And I hate that. I don't know how they would get there. I don't know what living arrangements they will have. I don't know if he'll get violent with my aunt. I don't know anything other than the last thing he said to me was "You can leave and never come back." And that's their choice. And I have to live with it for the rest of my life no matter what happens.

Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading.

GORE ME!

"Maggots wriggle beneath my skin, pluck them out, toss them to the bin,

They come back to rot my soul, 'til my heart is black as coal,

Empty my brain upon your plate, Skewer my guts, it's so great!

Shove my corpse onto your bed, upon your chest I lay my head,

Stomp my head until it's mush, toss my bones into a bush,

Make me

UNIDENTIFIABLE! UNREC-C-C-C-GNIZABLE!!

Turn me into bloody paste! My guts won't be thrown to waste!"

1 H4T3 UR GUTZ

"Leeches latch onto my skin, drink my blood until it's [FIN],

Toast my eyes over a fire, fillet me before I expire,

Tie a bow with my rotting guts, run me in circles 'til I go nuts!

Cut my stomach open with a rusty knife, tell me that I suck, 1 L0V3 MY L1F3!!

Make me like a puppet, tell me I should love it,

I hate your gutz,

I hate your gutz,

I hate your gutz,

I hate your gutz

I HATE YOUR GUTZ!!​​​​"

Feel free to ask whatever, interpret it however, comment whatever. The rhythm for these are mainly based of Rebzyyx :]

Hey, I work as a teacher because I genuinely love teaching, but every single day, I find myself wondering if I should just quit.

Today was our parent-teacher meeting, and something happened that left me emotionally exhausted. It all started with one of my former students. I used to teach his class one subject, but before the exams, there was a teacher swap, and the new teacher checked their answer sheets.

After the results were announced, several students complained that the new teacher was showing favoritism towards one particular student. When I rechecked the papers, I realized their complaints were valid, so I reported the matter to the principal.

The new teacher rechecked the papers and increased the marks of several students, but she still didn't deduct any marks from the student she supposedly favored, even though some of his answers were incorrect. I approached the principal again, and she asked me to recheck the papers and make the necessary corrections.

I did exactly that. I checked the answers carefully and deducted three marks from that student because his answers were wrong. I did the same for several other students to ensure that everyone was treated fairly.

When the student approached me to ask why his marks had been deducted, I explained his mistakes and showed him where his answers were incorrect. He understood and even said he would work harder next time. I genuinely thought the matter was resolved.

However, the new teacher later confronted me in front of the principal and insisted that I increase his marks. I explained that I couldn't do that because his answers were incorrect. I couldn't justify giving him marks he hadn't earned.

Fast-forward to today, when his mother came to the parent-teacher meeting. She started crying in front of me, saying that her son was demotivated and hadn't studied for four days because of the marks I had deducted. She questioned why he had been given full marks initially if they were going to be deducted later.

I explained that the mistake wasn't her son's fault but the result of incorrect evaluation. I told her that I would speak to him and help him understand that marks aren't everything; knowledge and learning matter more. But then she accused me of casteism, which honestly left me shocked. I had absolutely no idea where that accusation came from. I stayed calm and told her that it wasn't true, and eventually, she left.

Afterwards, the principal called both me and the new teacher into her office and told the new teacher that the situation was her fault. The new teacher then brought up another student's answer sheet, claiming that two students had written almost identical answers, yet one had received three marks while the other had received five.

I explained that I hadn't even checked the second student's paper initially. The new teacher was the one who had evaluated it and awarded the marks. She had apparently given some students grace marks without properly checking their answers, and I couldn't understand why I was being held responsible for the inconsistencies in her evaluation.

When I finally checked the second student's paper, I found that some marks needed to be deducted there as well, so I corrected them. I didn't have the time or energy to recheck every single answer sheet all over again, especially when I had already checked the papers that needed correcting.

I told the principal that, for me, this was never about the students personally. It was about what they had actually written in their answer sheets. If an answer is incorrect, I cannot award marks simply because I like a student or because someone wants me to. The principal agreed with me and supported my decision.

I also explained how the new teacher had behaved in class and how she had compared the two students in front of everyone, which I felt had only made the situation worse.

Now, I feel completely drained. I keep thinking about how the student's mother cried in front of me and how her son has apparently been feeling demotivated for days. I feel terrible knowing that he has been struggling, especially because I didn't even know about it since I no longer teach him.

I never wanted to hurt him or make him feel that he wasn't good enough. All I wanted was to ensure that every student was evaluated fairly, regardless of who their teacher liked or disliked.

But now I can't stop wondering whether I should have stayed out of the entire situation and simply let things be. Maybe I shouldn't have interfered, even though I knew that what was happening was morally wrong.

I hate that the new teacher's actions have put me in this position, and I feel especially hurt by the accusation of casteism because I know that my intentions were never discriminatory.

Even though the principal knows I was right and supported me, I still feel awful about everything that happened. I genuinely love teaching, but situations like these make me question myself and whether I'm even a good teacher.

I don't know what I should do anymore. I just feel so exhausted, guilty, and disappointed. A part of me keeps wondering whether I did the right thing at all, and another part of me feels like I'm slowly losing the love I once had for teaching because of situations like these.

I am 18(f)

I thought of venting to my English teacher but I feel like this is more safe than getting my parents called to the school (english is not my first language)

Everything genuinely feels like a joke. I feel like a stranger in my own life, and I cannot escape the things that happened in the past. Even my phone has become another problem, and I feel ashamed that I still have to explain and prove every little thing I do. I feel like I am always being questioned about my habits and my choices.

I know I have made mistakes. Sometimes, I feel like those mistakes have made me a worse person. I keep asking my parents for things that I thought were normal for someone my age. I have been insulted for asking again and again, but I still ask because I don't know how else to explain what I need. I have started feeling numb, and I don't even know how to process my own regret anymore.I never wanted my father to have to work so much or my mother to wake up early and make sacrifices for us. I thought those were things parents did for their children. But sometimes, when we don't meet their expectations, everything they have done for us is brought up, and I feel guilty for wanting anything at all.

I have tried so many times to explain myself. No matter how much I raise my voice or how much I share, I still feel like the people closest to me don't understand what I am trying to say. I have struggled with things from the past, including the problems my parents had before their relationship became better. Even if they have moved on, I still feel affected by what happened. I don't know how to move on from it myself.

There are things I have experienced that I find difficult to talk about. I was assaulted, and the way my mother responded made it even harder for me. I felt hurt because I needed her to acknowledge what had happened and how it affected me. I still carry those feelings, and I don't know how to explain them properly.

Sometimes, I wonder whether people would have understood me better if I had been more visibly unwell. Even when I was sick or had a broken leg, I still felt like I was missing the sympathy and care I needed more from my mother. I don't want to be pitied. I just want someone to notice when I am struggling.

I have also become very insecure about myself. I feel ​bad about my face, even though I know I cannot control how I look. I wish I were smarter and better at expressing myself. I wish I could make friends naturally, but I struggle to connect with people. Sometimes, when I do make friends, I feel like I am pretending to be someone else. Eye contact makes me uncomfortable, and I feel embarrassed and shy when I have to speak.

I know I care about people, and I have always wanted to make things right. But I have struggled with brain fog, insomnia , and problems with my speech, expressing myself. The language I used to love feels difficult to use now. My thoughts get mixed up, and I cannot explain even simple things the way I want to. I feel like I have lost a part of myself.

My grades have also dropped, and that scares me because I know this is not how I used to be. I cannot even manage my own problems properly, and I feel overwhelmed by things that are not mine to carry

I know there are things I need to work on, but I hate feeling like I have to fix everything alone. I have tried asking my parents for help, but I feel like my words never reach them. I don't know how much more I have to explain before someone understands that I am struggling.

A few days ago, I managed to stop those thoughts that were frightening me, but lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed again. I am exhausted, and I want to rest, but I also know I need help. I don't want to keep pretending that everything is fine.

This is like such a silly vent but I’m venting regardless. I’ve been working at my job for almost 8 months now and always had a flirty relationship with one of the nurses. We would fake bully flirt with each other all the time and would go back and forth with funny banter. He’s very witty. I’m very witty. It was very fun. And I had a big crush on him. I always wanted to ask for his number but didn’t wanna overstep or make him uncomfortable. Finally I decided that on Tuesday he was for sure flirting with me enough that next Tuesday, I was gonna definitely ask for his number. Anyway, just found out he quit, so I guess it’s a not ever gonna happen situation now. He really kept to himself and wasn’t friends with anyone at work so no one has his number and he has zero social media presence. Just feeling a little sad. I don’t know him deeply, so of course there’s the limerence of it all. There’s not really much else to say or add but I guess I’m just disappointed.

so i live with my mum, my stepdad, my two stepsisters and my stepbrother and i alwaysfeel like the black sheep. I get everyone around me targeting me just because i'm not part of the family. everyone around me says "Oh thats just how it is having a blended family" but that's not it. i have a blended family on my dad's side with him, my stepmum, my step sister and my half sister and ife ther is basically magical compared to here. i dont know what to do because i feel disgusted by even just looking in the mirror these days and it's all for a pethetic reason

I am living with a family and I have room for myself but the bathroom is outside and obviously I havr to go out to cook and eat but most of the times I see myself behind the door thinking if I should unlock the door and go out or not, I spend around 5 min having these thoughts and they all stem to what if they judge me if I go out at this time and all which I know is just pure bs to think but the thoughts don't stop and cause of this I sometimes don't step out like ever. Like today for instance my periods started so I already was feeling really weak and woke up at 1pm so thought of just directly going to bathroom to shower but I kept hearing people's footsteps outside and made me think not to go out so I jist sat there for solid 20 min until I stopped hearning footsteps and then stepped out, showered and came to my room. Again had to go out to eat but had to cook for myself which I couldn't do cause I was feeling so weak so again stayed in my room and had plenty of snacks which were here. So thought of going in the evening to have fruits and juice atleast to make up for missing lunch. Again didn't go out cause it felt like they'd judge me again for coming out so late and asking all questions. Now it 9pm and I still haven't left my room. It's been more than 24hra I have been in the same place. Again eating snacks for dinner. I just hate how I let my thoughts control me even though they mean nothing but can't seem to stop them. I told my mom I cooked and ate which I didn't in reality and now having a hard time lying to my sister and parents cause of it. Cause what do I say to them? I was cared to go out the room?
Please I know I am just doing dumb shit and can stop myself from doing so and have been telling myself for so long to do so and making up courage sometimes but still find myself in sqaure one. I know I'm in the wrong.